Issues with weight.

Ruby, I think you already know the answer to your problem, but love the man and are willing to put up with second best. No one can judge or advise you, I know what I would do, but it's not so easy, you must be walking on egg shells. 140 lbs at 5'5" is normal, I would however, just tell him nicely, that you would find him more attractive, if he could bulk up a little and develop a few muscles as he is a bit too skinny for your liking, then avoid flying objects.

Agreed Cherrytree59. He certainly has you brainwashed Rubytuesday.
You are worth so much more than this, don't let him control you in this way.

Whatever did you see in him?

My first ever LTB!!

What message does this send out to other younger females or males??
How would you feel if it was your son or daughter asked to meet a body/weight criteria by a partner?

Find your self worth Rubytuesday12* tell him to get on his bike and while your at it tell him that parts of his
todger anatomy did not meet the required standard.

Think it’s all been said.

Anyone who attaches conditions to loving someone, doesn't love them and never has. End of.

In addition to the very valid opinions already posted I wanted to scream at OP " Also if you ever became so ill you couldn't PLEASURE HIM" - Really. Just really.

Get on the web and start looking at what counts as ABUSE.

The good sites state the "Being used as a sexual Object and not teated as a Person" IS abuse.

I am so very sad that you in this relationship and it "looks like" you haven't had a lot of Love and Valuing that you aren't really seeing just how abusive this man is being.

If you do nothing else listen to these GNers. But don't just take our word for it that this is abuse. Get on the web and start reading.

When you've done some reading please, please, please do something to give yourself some of the Respect that you deserve.

You clearly are not getting any Care, Love, Respect, Regard from this person ( I was very nearly rude and abusive about him).

If you do not respect and care for yourself and you allow this person to be so destructive - he is destroying your self worth, your self esteem.

He is destroying your peace of mind and any hope of a future where you are even considered as worthy of being teated as a human being.

I'm with those who say Get Rid but this is your life and you have to Choose. For however long you have been with this person you have been Choosing to let him treat you in this Abusive way.

May you find the support, information, help and encouragement you to take better care of yourself than you have been taking of you in the past.

pps
He has issues - can you be bothered dealing with them?

Ps
Have a

In fact have two more

N&G

Do not let this man try to change you.
Only change if you wish to.

I hope the house is yours and he is the one to go - after you have told him to, not because he thinks you're fat.

You must be heartbroken hearing these comments from a person you love.
You are not overweight and should feel good about yourself whatever this man says.
He sounds very controlling and this in it's self is not a relationship you should be in.
Only you know the situation you are in financially but if it were me I would be planning for a better future for myself and my well being.
Relationships do have there ups and downs but this doesn't sound like a relationship you should be in.

I had weight issues all my life ,my mother was weight obsessed and if I looked even slightly heavy ..even when I was a size 8 she was quick to tell me.The day before she died she told me not to wear trousers when visiting her in hospital as I was too fat for them..I was between a 10 and a 12 at the time.
It drags you down and your self esteem will disappear altogether .You dont NEED this man in your life so walk away before you do yourself real harm .It took me a long time to feel better about myself and to be honest I still see myself as fat when I look in the mirror even though I'm back to an 8/10 .Dont let this happen to you.

I have always thought
"It just means there is more of you to love" is the correct response to the question "Tell me honestly, am I too fat?".

Weight.... not wait !

Damn predictive text!

If that’s the best relationship he’s had Rubytuesday I dread to think how the others were !

I do two things , firstly I’d start commenting on his ‘failings’ , thinning hair , forgetfulness , whatever. The more personal the better. After all, what’s good for the goose and all that.

Secondly, next time he makes those comments about not loving you at a higher wait, politely tell him not to let the door hit him on the arse on his way out !!

You deserve better - I seriously doubt he’s it!

And here is a song originally published in 1808 in A Selection of Irish Melodies, It is thought that after the poet's's wife, Elizabeth, was badly scarred by smallpox, she refused to leave her room, believing herself ugly and unlovable. To convince her his love was unwavering, he composed this poem which he set to an old Irish melody and sang outside her bedroom door. He later wrote that this restored her confidence and re-kindled their love.

BELIEVE me, if all those endearing young charms,
Which I gaze on so fondly to-day,
Were to change by to-morrow, and flee from my arms
Like fairy-gifts, fading away!
Thou wouldst still be ador'd as this moment thou art,
Let thy loveliness fade as it will;
And, around the dear ruin, each wish of my heart
Would entwine itself verdantly still!

*It is not while beauty and youth are thine own,
And thy cheeks unprofan'd by a tear,
That the fervour and faith of a love can be known,
To which time will but make thee more dear!
No! the heart that has truly lov'd, never forgets,
But as truly loves on to the close;*
As the sun-flower turns on her god, when he sets,
The same look which she turn'd when he rose!

Show him this thread, and these verses, and suggest that perhaps he loves HIMSELF best of all.

So well said * Gonegirl*.
I find it hard to believe Mr rubyTuesday is still the drop dead gorgeous hunk ( he imagines) he was in his youth.
As a parting shot you might remind him of that.

>Gonegirl* I was about to post the whole of that sonnet. The asterisks are mine

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
*Love ’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.*
If this be error, and upon me prov’d,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov’d.

First of all, I am 5'5" and would love to be 140lbs! Secondly, just leave him.

It just smacks of control to me; a subtle form of bullying, in that you need to be thinking about your weight all the time, not to mention the worry about getting sick at any point.

When I met my DH in 1967, I was about 8 and a half stone, size 8 (I am 5ft 6). DH said to me 'don't ever get fat will you?' I was 18 and it never occurred to me that I would ever gain weight. Well, 52 years later, I am about 10 and a half stone, size 14-16 and we're still here married. When I remind him of what he said back then, he says 'I was young, daft and shallow'. He now says he prefers 'real women' although of course he could be just being kind

Do you know anything at all about real love Rubytuesday?

Take a leaf out of Will Shakespeare's book. "Love is not love
which alters when it alteration finds"

Geddit?

He sounds a real catch.
Skinny, childish, and doesn't love you anyway, as he's told you himself.

I appreciate your comments and I know what I should do but it is hard to admit to another failed relationship! There's been a few for both of us! I think he's pretty messed up in some respects and when he cools down (tho the conversation was not an angry one) we do get on well and apparently ours is the best relationship he's had. But is it realistic to expect to be loved 'warts and all', is it unfair to expect someone to continue to love us if our appearance changes quite drastically from what they were first attracted to? And is it reasonable to expect someone to deprive themselves of sex and physical love possibly for many years if their partner through illness can no longer provide it?