How good is taken for granted?

I think you maybe caught him a bit too early in the day. In our family we all like/need our coffee in the morning and sometimes will say " I haven't had my coffee yet" which is code for I don't want to talk or do anything yet because it's too early. He was probably tired for whatever reason so please don't take it personally. However I do agree adults whether they are AC or not can be rude at times.

We all do it don't we - allow people to behave badly. My mum used to say 'if you let someone behave badly then they will' - how true. If it were a child who behaved badly we would (hopefully!) chastise them or tell them off somehow and teach them right from wrong. But why Oh Why do we not do the same with the adults in our lives.

I think so many people only use phones for short instructional or information giving calls. Many light hearted ' conversations ' are done by text/ skype or email !
Maybe he was tired, just not feeling well , hungover, had a bit of a row.. on the phone you can't see! He should be courteous but we are all human!
Don't dwell on it. Send a text to check the pressies have arrived..but give him a good chance to contact you first. Move to a short weekly text or whatsapp type communication. Even like a comment about weather, local news, how are the DGC etc!

Katyj, my son in his mid thirties is exactly the same, he only rings when he wants something.

Are you sure you didn't just catch him at a wrong moment?

Years ago now, I taught myself to begin all phone calls to friends and family by asking if they have time to talk, as I can't know whether they are in the middle of something when I ring.

Did you ask him if anything was wrong?

Don't worry about it, but if something similar happens next time you phone him, ask him if you have rung at an inconvenient time.

How very rude of your son! Lesson learned, next birthday send a card with no present. By condoning his bad behaviour or making excuses for it you make his bad behaviour acceptable in his eyes. It took me a long time and years of being walked over to find my backbone, I’m glad I did and am financially so much better off.

On my very recent 74th birthday I had cards/calls/emails etc from friends and all but one of my AC.
The following day a very bare text, no smiley or xx.
Later same day another text (No, Hi mum) saying they hadn't forgotten date of my b'day but life got in the way. No early start for work, no kids.
Prob felt that the previous text was too brief.
Just another day...that was the overall impression I got.
Celebrations do sometimes tail off as our AC get older and their lives, quite rightly, take precedence.

Maybe you were more excited about his birthday than he was!
The fact that you rang first speaks volumes (no pun intended). He surely would have rung to thank you for his birthday presents?

Years ago I asked an old lady who had 3 adult children if she thought the way children turned out was because of how you’d treated them. She said no, it was the luck of the draw. I agree. We are what we are. You can’t change people. One of my children is a real worrier and in touch constantly. The other is calm and collected and I don’t hear from him much. But yes I think that by making them feel secure they take us for granted. And they are rarely interested in our problems! No answer to it however much we stress.

All this is so true and I do feel better knowing its not just me and my son, who's 38 with two small children. In fact, the only time the texts I send are responded to by return are when we are looking after the kids!

It doesn't matter how busy they are there is no need to be rude and he was. If he had just got up why not say, sorry mum had a heavy night just got out of bed. I wouldn't give him a present next year, just the card until he has learnt some social graces.

My DS is in his 40s. He’s a caring son, but is awful in the phone. I just text now. Don’t get upset. If you hadn’t called I’m sure he would have been upset. You did the right thing.

At least he will answer the phone, eldest son won't make any effort to stay in touch, won't answer the phone, ignores texts and emails, has recently moved and I don't even have an address for him. Is friendly enough when we do meet up, perhaps once a year, but he just doesn't see the need for contact. GC well brought up, but they don't answer texts either! My other AC are so different!

Ds may have been feeling under the weather for whatever reason. If he didn't feel up to a call he could have said " thanks Mum" I will call you back later.
To me he was rude. Fear he wouldn't be having another birthday present if he was my DS.

Whenever I get the urge to phone either of my two ASs I always wonder if my timing might be wrong and invariably think better of it and wait to get my timing better. Then believe it or not I get accused of never ringing them. So I have decided you just can't win at all.

I find this is the problem with mobile phones. My AC both complain I do not ring them but I feel with mobile phones you are never sure if it is convenient. A text is so much less intrusive and they can read and answer it when they want to. If I really need them I text and ask them to ring me when it is convenient.

I think you really caught him at the wrong moment, although you must have phoned him around 10.30 so I don't think that is really early specially if he has children. I wouldn't mention it again but perhaps next birthday wait for him to phone to say thank you if he doesn't bother...........

We only ring on landlines as we aren't, except for the gc, mobile phone users so I will usually ring in the evening or on a early on Friday morning as I know my son will be around. He often rings just for a chat and asks if I want to meet in town for a coffee and a look around. I suppose I am lucky really, though I must say we don't do much on present giving.

Rocknroll I totally sympathise.

It was my birthday last week. Plus I’ve been crippled (literally) with a bad back. Not seen hide nor hair of daughter (not DD just now) nor mt DiL.

Conversely both SiL and DS called with card and present and have texted and rung up asking about m back.

Off down the solicitor’s to change my will! ?

I would be telling him if that's his response then you won't bother again.

Many people don't think they have been rude or discourteous so they need to be told if they have.

I have had this with my mother when she complained I had wasted my time visiting her (she lives over an hour away) because I didn't stay long enough. So, I said, 'Ok. I won't waste my time again then.' I cut down my visits drastically since then to the point I only visit when it suits me now.

Same thing with my nieces, always sent them cards and gifts (every year into their twenties) and got no thank you. So that stopped too.

I can understand why you feel the way you do.

Just had a look at the time of your post Rocknroll. 10.38 on a Sunday morning which means it was probably somewhat earlier when you called your son. Perhaps he was having a birthday lie in and your call woke him up. Could that be why he didn't sound thrilled to hear from you, and why he wanted coffee?
Just a thought and not making excuses for rudeness.
If that was the case I hope he called you back later on.

My mother used to phone every few weeks at 9am on a Sunday, the only morning we ever got to have a lie in as both working full time and Sat was the day for shopping and all the other household chores. I would tell her we were in bed and she'd woken us up and she'd laugh and say she knew she'd catch us in at that time. Plenty of time now to regret having been so resentful and uncommunicative with her.

I have 3 children 2 sons and 1 daughter. Daughter lives nearest, about 5 miles away, she does not drive and she has some mental health probs. We speak on the phone daily, try to see her once a week (I don't go out due to disability so she has to get the bus to come here. one son I see maybe once a year, lives about 2 - 3 hours drive away, works long hours. Other son used to live quite near but now lives about half hours drive away, he has moved to a remote village, no busses,train about 2 miles (with no bus running from station to his village, he works in NHS and works long hours, his wife is a teacher and they have one daughter, 12 last week, I hardly see them and it is usually me that phones. Very good at getting in touch if money is really tight and they struggle. I do get upset sometimes and keep telling myself 'they work, they have a family and they have busy lives'.. I think it is also because I hardly ever get out, not been outside my front door in over 3 months, apart from 3 trips by ambulance to hospital etc, having said that i was in hospital for 5 days before Christmas, coming out on Christmas eve and my son did come and collect me and bring me home. I must stop moaning and feeling sorry for myself....

For goodness sake, its too early, too late, they have busy lives, too intrusive. Is there a book with all these excuses for rude and it seems selfish adult children.
Anja has the right idea

??