Husband and my lurgy

"Leave him there VIOLETTE. That’s not usual behaviour."
I agree, time to put yourself first . This has gone on for too long (I've met you in the past on another forum, FE).

Leave him there VIOLETTE. That’s not usual behaviour.

Where's home Violette? Are you just visiting the UK?

MEN ! why are they mostly like this ..is it just men of a certain age, who might have been brought up by their mother to expect everything to be done for them by their 'significant other' (I hate that expression !)..mine is adapt at playing one against the other At the moment he is in a care home whilst I am in the UK ...however, he suffered chest pain
yesterday and the doctor was called and wanted him t go to hospital ...he refused ! Then my friend went to visit hum and he said 'I wish I could go to hospital they don't ook after me here and they do there'......then he complains about the doctor, but tells my friend our doctor is marvellous ...and so it goes on ! He tells me I have abandoned him (I pick him up on Friday to go home !) and on the other when he speaks to me again he tells me to stay here and not come back......Personally I DO NOT want to come back ...the minute he is indoors again he will start shouting at me and telling me I am useless.......he has no empathy when I am ill and quite frankly I am dreading it ! AIBU ? When I have had (several) ops inhospital he tells me I am making it up and there is nothing wrong with me and to get on with it ! I shall tell him the same !

If you both have mobiles I would phone him up and ask for a cup
stansgran
When MrA came home after his hip
replacement, he slept in the spare bedroom for a couple of weeks because the bed was a better height.
The morning after he came home from hospital, I was woken at 7.45 by text message.
‘Any chance of a cup of tea?’

Hope you’re fighting fit soon

DH has been fantastic while I've had a new knee but I've noticed that while I am a tea drinker he has never liked tea or coffee and doesn't like making it. I can tell he thinks I drink too much tea and I've made morning tea and coffee this morning for the first time in two weeks. I also like a cup at 4pm. DH doesn't bother. Could your DH be like that op? On the other hand he doesn't hesitate to offer a G and T in the evening and is brilliant at finding and recording my pill intake. If you both have mobiles I would phone him up and ask for a cup.

? Hope you get well soon. Don't you get up until you are ready. Make yourself a flask of something hot. He is being selfish and unkind, let him sulk and enjoy the peace, when you feel better treat yourself and go a nice meal, without him.

annepl

someone you love not live

I agree Cupcake1. We shouldn't moan. My husband isn't perfect but neither am I. But we do have a fairly equal division of labour. We are both in bed ill regularly and look after each other very well. That's how it should be. Why would you not care for someone you live..

I cannot believe how some of you ladies put up with this kind of behaviour. I moan because my DH fusses over me too much and will not let me do a thing. He cooks, cleans, washes and shops without being asked and we've been married 38 years! I won't be moaning again that's for sure. I, of course, reciprocate when he is unwell. Glad you are now feeling a bit better Framilode

I know what you mean.
When dh is unwell he lies in bed all day. I take him drinks ask if he wants anything to eat etc.
If I am unwell and in bed he pretty much ignores, me until around 4pm, when he brings me a cuppa......and asks what’s for dinner! Still expects me to get up and cook for him!

Exactly crazyH. I have now been on my own for 10 years and last year had a major operation.My daughter did some shopping for me for couple of weeks once home but then up to me. No-one to carry heavy shopping or help at home. Not supposed to lift or do vacuuming etc. but no choice. Be thankful you all do still have your DHs even if they are less than useless at times.My late DH was quite considerate in spite of his own problems and would make me a drink if not welll and could cook enough to look after himself and the children ,if necessary.

Magicwriter how true. They see it as a great excuse to do nothing!

Sulking is emotional abuse yes abuse. read him the riot act. threaten to kick him out or kick him in the b####.I would not be treated like that.good luck.

I am glad I live alone. My second ex husband would never make me a cuppa, not even if I was dying lol.

I can nurse myself, just about when really unwell. I don’t have to get up to other people’s mess when I am better either.

I'm afraid this is what can happen if women allow themselves to become servants rather than equal partners in a relationship. Why then be surprised about behaviour which may been tolrated for maybe decades!

When you feel better kick him in the b******s.

As someone who suffers from a long term illness which can often have me spending a day in bed sleeping, my problem can be the opposite. My hubby will constantly pop into the bedroom asking if I am ok, disturbing my sleep. He never offers me a drink in bed, but will ask me if I want to get up for a drink/something to eat. I have to ask him to ‘just leave me to sleep until x time’. I know he means well, but if I don’t get the sleep I need, I end up feeling ill for longer.

The other thing that does annoy me is that he kind of thinks, if I am having a day in bed, then that means he doesn’t need to do anything in the house either, which can result in me having to overdo it when I get up, resulting in another day in bed! Grrrrrrrr!

I think some men are so used to being looked after and waited on they find it irritating when the tables are turned and they need to be the one giving out the TLC do your AC notice how uncaring he is

Oh dear I must be extremely lucky.ive been in bed/sofa for 3 weeks now.my husband has made all my meals / drinks/ changed my bed.shopping cleaning.the lot.i just can't imagine being with anybody that isn't like that now after 40 years.i think you need to have a little talk with o h and ask him to step up.

Dragonfly64

Framilode Do whatever you need for you. Unless your husband isn't well. But if he's just fed up shame on him. just ignore him.

I grew up with a father who would sulk and not speak to you for weeks if you did something that was wrong in his eyes. My mother was afraid to ever contradict him about anything

Thank goodness I married a lovely man - we have now been together for 58 y??ears

My goodness, are there really grans out there still living with such pathetic, selfish men? Why?
A marriage is a 50:50 partnership, not a servant and master relationship.
Time some of you wised up and kicked your pathetic husband out.

Oh dear Framilode as others have suggested get yourself a flask of tea or coffee and go back to bed until you feel properly better.
A list of jobs for his lordship wouldn't go amiss either. If he grumbles tell him to effing well grow up. Remind him that you will look after him to the same low standard from now on if he is ill.
If I was unreasonable I'd even suggest laying it on a bit thick by pretending you're worse than you really are just to annoy him even more.