MIL/IL threads etc.

megan123 EXCELLENT POST!!!!

This is so obviously a thread about a thread and I hope a particular Original Poster doesn't read it.

Trouble with many Gransnetters is they seem unable to distinguish between when someone wants and needs a bit of sympathy, or a lecture.

Izabella I do hope you enjoy your forays into far flung parts of the world and the obvious dangers you live your life encoutering. Good luck.

It is a thread about a whole range of range of threads not one in particular, and another side of the problem is that with a growing number of the problematic threads, one has doubts about whether they are genuine rather than from the kind of pranksters who enjoy writing to Agony Aunts with ridiculously horrendous and complicated problems.

The problem is that it distracts attention from people who really do want our help and advice.

There are two posts in particular that are quite obviously about one thread being discussed yesterday. You would have to be pretty thick not to see it immediately.

And no, I cba to report them.

In the real physical world we often keep our feelings to ourselves. Online we can say what we really feel and I think it's very helpful. I can be myself on here but, day day in real life, I have to keep my feelings to myself a lot. I love hearing different points of view and this site has helped me in many ways, not least of which is to let me know I'm not going mad at times!

I think sites like Gransnet and Mumsnet are great for people to air their views. Yes, some are selfish and self-absorbed, but they do get an opinion from a wide range of people. This might make them reasses their thoughts,words and actions, which can only be a good thing.

I don’t think it is helpful to dismiss these people just because others have far worse burden to bear. It is hard to feel that you have been treated badly and have no-one in your own life to discuss it with. The internet opens a world or sympathetic and not so sympathetic listeners.

Nobody is able to post the whole history of what brought them to the site. The posts would be massive, therefore, we only get a quick snapshot of the problem. Hardest of all is when the other person involved puts on a very different face to those around them. To air a problem in real life can often mean that you are not believed. Abusers of all sorts are very good at turning an innocent face the world.

I do hope, @Izabella, that your experiences of the World have not desensitised you to “trivial” concerns of others. Compassion goes a long way in my opinion.

live and let live always going to have this problem.
Always reading about family problems. My mum was very supportive but never interfered.

I wonder if sons have married someone like their own mothers.
It's worth a thought.

Jealousy and failure to see the other point of view seem to be at the root of most so-called problems on this page. I'm sure all these daughter in laws can't really be such monsters.

I like to think we are on a learning curve and that when we post asking for advice, although we may hear stuff we don't want to, it might actually teach us to behave better towards our 'loved' ones.
I'd like to say that I feel totally positive for everyone who cares for my grandchildren but there are occasional moments when I feel angst but I quickly remind myself that I am being unreasonable. I think some people post before they have time to rationalise their thinking.

That grandchildren are seen as rights, possessions and territory to fight over is distressing and disturbing.

I'm with you there Izabella - It has been a real wake up call to me - now I understand how some of my acquaintances with nothing to do occupy their 'minds'. Ah well, it takes all sorts.

LJPJ well maybe a few sons ...but that could be positive couldn't it. My own son has not done that! And I have seen many posts on here that very clearly suggest that that is not the source of the issues. Quite often it is mothers /daughters with problems ...so it definitely doesn't apply there either!

littleflo a wise and thoughtful commentary on this subject and I agree!

I’m with you, Izabella. People are just so ‘precious’ and can’t take criticism - it’s always somebody else’s fault.

Is anyone else going through a chain at the moment with selling property

I find Gransnet quite refreshing. I went through many years in my younger days, campaigning and championing great causes. Spent all my energies fund raising, writing letters and marching about big issues out there in the world.
Now I reflect and think I should really have spent more time taking care of the seemingly little issues with family and friends. I think it’s good that people can write about their problems, niggles and happy times too. It’s nice to know that others have the same faults and frailties. Of course we need to be aware of the dreadful plight of others in the world, but we can also make life better for the people on our own doorstep.

My mum in the 50s used to tell me about starving children when I didn't want to eat my dinner. I never really understood how other people's misery was supposed to modify my behaviour, except I am saddened by many things I see in TV.

Houndi you would be better in this forum www.gransnet.com/forums/house_and_home

I thought the forums were about how posters feel regarding certain issues personal to themselves. Yes, I agree there are horrible situations out there which we cannot control or do anything about. However advice received on the forums regarding personal problems can provide much needed reassurance, sometimes it helps to know others are experiencing similar issues.

I find these forums very helpful, there's empathy and there's also a slap on the wrist, when we need it. That's what Gransnet is for.
Ofcourse there are problems in far and distant places. But charity begins at home.....

Izabella - with you all the way

It's all relative as my dear old FIL would have said.

Very true, littleflo.
The thing is, we are all very different in how we see things, sometimes, and we don’t all react in exactly the same way, or agree with how others handle things, but that’s how humans are, everywhere, isn’t it? It’s human nature.