Wedding Top Table

I am sorry your husband is upset. We have been to several weddings lately and the traditional top table has not been present.

Some couples go for round tables which is easier for conversations.

It is their day, is it worth causing upset which could continue for ages, be happy for them and enjoy the special occasion.

Oh dear, the wedding season is starting!
Yes, I too have been to weddings recently where there is no 'top table'. Guests are seated with friends and family where they feel comfortable and make speeches from their different tables. To make it less painful for you DH, maybe your stepdaughter would consider all round tables rather than an obvious top table?

Another here for having no top table at DD and SiL wedding. The speeches were made at wedding ceremony venue before going on somewhere else for wedding meal etc.

I could be wrong MandyRaff but I wonder whether not putting her dad on the top table is more about not wanting her mum on the top table ? Perhaps it is her way of keeping the peace? If she has dad on the top table then maybe she fears mum will kick up? I don't suppose it matters where a speech is made from as everyone will just turn around to see/hear.

Weddings are a minefield. I would take a deep breath and go with the flo. Their wedding, so just smile and act like everything is fine, traditions are no longer hard and fast. I think that gillybob could well have a point about the mother, but I really would not let it bother you. Unless you are footing a large part of the bill, in which case your DH may like to discuss the arrangements.

My DD had a two person table - with just herself and her new husband, like a King and Queen overseeing the banquet! Her other halfs parent are separted and a little hostile, so seemed the best option. Please tell him not to be upset. It is the modern way of weddings I think. He hasn't any parents - so it is no parents on the 'top' table. The sister balances out the best man, so it will all be even. I am sure there is no offence meant.

My brother in law did the same when he remarried (2nd time for them both) knickas63, but I did think they seemed to be a bit left out of conversation etc.
My nephew is getting married in July and they are having the top table with themselves, best man (my son) and the five adult bridesmaids.
With the parents on both sides being divorced and having new partners I think it is sensible way to do it. Could end up with an enormous top table otherwise!

Oh just let it wash by - life is too short for fretting about these little things.

My ex and his second wife were not at the top table at my DS's wedding, largely because she would have been out of place. He didn't make any objection as far as I know.

Sounds a very balanced seating arrangement,

I work with a lovely young lady who married last year. Her mum and dad do not see eye to eye so, the top table was for the bride, groom, best man and chief bridesmaid. They then had her mum on one table and dad on another. It worked brilliantly and instead of just getting through the day they each enjoyed it.
As Gillybob said, I also suspect this is her solution on what to do with her mother

MandyRaff, I am worried that your post gives identifying details, and this is a public site.
I also hope you sort something out, but have no words of wisdom.

My DD had a two person table - with just herself and her new husband
Yes, I've been to a couple of weddings like that - the rest were on round tables, those giving speeches were nearest the bride and groom's table.

At my daughters wedding we had a top table with the bride and groom, their young son, bridesmaids and best man. Us parents sat at our own round tables and did speeches from there before the meal. It worked extremely well for us and I think this is quite usual these days with weddings tending to be more relaxed.

Nowadays, Father's speeches can be seen to be patriarchal by the younger generation so they are less inclined to have them. I'd be grateful I was getting an invite and a table to sit on. There is no slight intended, I am sure, and they may think that you will feel more comfortable having your husband with you.
If I were really upset about it, I would calmly explain that I was wondering if I had done anything wrong and was struggling to rationalise it so ask could they explain their thinking. I'd put money on it that they are making compromises the best way they can think of.
At the end of the day, it is their wedding and it always seems a pity that such a special thing can be ruined by semantics such as seating arrangements.

My DD and SIL had a sweetheart table for two at their wedding. My DH and I were seated right in front of them, with the Best Man to their side. This made it easier for speeches, and more subtle as SIL has no parents to support him - and no one wanted a top table all lop sided with only DD's family on it. It was a beautiful day

I too felt very uncomfortable reading your post MandyRaff that you are going to be easily identified by your comments. This could cause a family rift. If I were in your shoes I would ask this to be removed and maybe post again in slightly less detail.

I think you probably know which sentence needs to be removed if you do decide to post again.

At my first marriage nearly 40(!) years ago we had a top table for bride and groom, best man and bridesmaids. Never occurred to us to set parents at top table. Circular tables for 10 with parents nearest to top. Seemed OK to us at the time and I don't remember anyone complaining.

Does it matter where you sit? My niece put her divorced parents on separate tables and had bridesmaids on top table. Why look for problems and make trouble. Let her enjoy her day

When my DD1 married 4 years ago they had round tables. The top round table had the couple, the grooms parents, her father (who left us when she was small), the best man and her DD2 and boyfriend seated. Me and DH were at the neighbouring round table which was OK by me because we sat with my DS an GF, my parents and siblings and had a great laugh and time together.

Ask to sit next to someone you really get on with and you and DH will have a fantastic time.

I thought that top tables were no longer fashionable!
When I got married, many moons ago, I had myself, the bridesmaids (there were 5), best man(who was my brother) on the "top table" The man I married was from overseas and neither of his parents were there (MiL wouldn't fly, FiL unwell and elderly) so we thought this was the best option.
My parents sat on a table on one side, bridegrooms sister, BiL and stepfather sat on the other. I don't even think my dad gave a speech! We still had a lovely day!

It must be upsetting for you and your DH since you played the parental role in her life. If you voice your feelings it could lead to complete estrangement which, believe me, is horrible to endure. Somebody is pulling your granddaughter’s strings and will probably take pleasure in you both being upset. Just go along with the arrangements and don’t take part on game playing which is what this seems to be.

When my son married he and his wife and her daughter sat at a raised table. Her parents and sister and brothers families, my ex and his SO and son, my Mum, my brother and me and my DH all sat at one big table in the front of the marquee. There were lots of smaller tables around the edge for the friends.
My daughter and SIL had a round table for them, the Best Man and the bridesmaids. My family sat at a round table to their right and the SIL's family sat on their left. It was all very harmonious.
My ex and I have a very civil relationship and my DH is treated inclusively by both of my AC.
As the AC's paid for their own weddings it was their choice on how to have their special day and both days were full of joy. After all, it is THEIR DAY!