Daughter’s will and how to deal with it

I rang and had a good chat mainly about our health problems. And I gladly accepted the invite and found out that the carvery has reinvented itself to ‘meditterrean’ hurrah healthy eating loads of good stuff.
I told her I had no idea what my daughter was doing but I would come anyway and she was very pleased. So thank you all for letting me share this and your views were very interesting as usual

Have a good time!

I read this posting and replies with great interest. I am one who is not comfortable on social occasions, but was brought up to 'know how to behave'! My mother's attitude was that if someone was kind enough to extend an invitation, you should accept it unless you had a reason you couldn't. My main problem was being very shy and lacking self confidence. I am in my 70s and still struggle on social occasions but over the years have gradually learned to cope. So well have I learned to act out my part, that a newish friend of mine had no idea how gut-wrenching I found such occasions until he got to know me better.

Oh that's wonderful Rocknroll.

Greengage I don't think I would continually do anything that I found gutwrenchingly difficult. I'm sure the stress isn't good.

Well, in a sense, Greengage, you've grown as a person. I'm sorry your mother wasn't more sensitive to your feelings, but I'm sure she thought she was 'teaching you right," etc. Now you're an adult and a senior adult, at that, though, so I don't see why you have to go to any event you don't really want to go to. Mum's attitude doesn't matter, anymore, unless you have internalized it. I realize there are some events you may wish to attend or feel you "should" (a GS' graduation, a GD's wedding, etc.). But at this point in time, I think you can pick and choose.

Bit of a deviation, but my vegetarian DD and DDIL both love it when we all go to our local carvery. They just load up with all the special veggies, sauces and Yorkshire puddings. The only problem is that we’re charged the same for theirs!

Think this is a Mum puts her foot down firmly moment! You are right, and need to make the stand, as difficult as it is going to be for you. Good luck

Foxy, "Mum" needs to "put her foot down" about what? She "needs to make the stand" about what? DD is an adult. How can her mum tell her what invites she can or cannot accept? Back when I was a young woman, if my mum had ever tried to tell me how to conduct my social life. it would have done nothing but cause a rift between my mum and me. And that includes if she tried to tell me how to handle my relationship with my ils. Luckily, I got along ok with my ils and usually attended their events. But if I didn't want to and my mum had tried to force me, that would have been a big problem.

Foxyloxy I can only laugh at your views. Mum is not coping with a teenage strop.

Mum needs to put her foot down about not going along with daughter's plan for them both to go to the seaside. (I guess is what FoxyLoxy meant).
If mum wants to accept the invite for herself, she should do so.

Sorry, just spotted the update that Mum has accepted her invite.