Future daughter In law

You need to have a conversation. If it's bad now what's it going to be like after the wedding? I can see heartbreak coming your way. DIl is taking advantage and being abusive. Have a meeting with her and your son and discuss this wedding. If they want your help they need to open up and include you. If they don't want to do that opt out.

I think we can safely say this is an American wedding. all about the processional here in the dreaded and dreadful Brides magazine

So glad our family is in the UK. Phew!

Sounds like you have a Bridezilla and Momzilla that have been carried away by the moment.
How they can expect you to pay anything or even contribute in any way without allowing you to be involved is beyond me ! I'd be inclined to ring them and say that you don't make cookies and certainly not that many and unless you see receipts you will not be contributing as you are obviously not to be involved in any way. I think I would be inclined also to just attend the ceremony ( in the dress you had permission to buy of course) and then miss the wedding breakfast.
I feel quite sorry for your son, being connected with this completely rude family and just hope he sees sense before it is too late!

I would just stump up however much you wish to pay towards the whole affair, and let them find their own cookies and party bags.

This almost sounds as if you are being tested.
How many people could just make 6000 cookies?
I would just say, 'Sorry but I have worked out the logistics of that and I am not going to be able to do that particular task. Maybe we could have a meeting to discuss the jobs needed and we will work out what we are able to offer. Incidentally, in British culture it is usual for the parents of the bride to pay for the wedding but we are very happy to contribute and we will let you know how much when we have more details of the wedding plans'.
You have to stand up to bullying when it starts whoever is doing it. Is your son aware of any of this? It will be hard to bring him in because his natural instinct will be to protect his fiancé but maybe you could say to him 'sorry I'm not able to help with the cookies but I'm waiting to hear from X in what other ways I can help'. If you keep quiet she will be painting you as unhelpful and he won't know any better.

What does it all matter? I had NO involvement in my sons wedding AT ALL. I went as a guest and we were left out of an important ritual before the ceremony. 16 years on they have three delightful children and are happily married. We are all friends.

Time to tell them to get stuffed.

Start as you mean to go on let your feeling be heard Don't let them walk all over you by agree to do what they say or you will be doing it forever.SPEAK UP

I was working full time when my children got married and making 6000 cookies would have been cloud cuckoo land. They are being very rude and unkind. You may just have to smile at Bridezilla and grin and bear it - or get a very busy job!

It's amazing how many stories I've heard of a pleasant girlfriend turning cold once the ring is on her finger! And then, the years of them being pushed out in favour of girl's family - especially when the children come along. And the sons are SO spineless - anything for a bit of peace. One friend whose son married such a woman 15 years ago has finally apologised to his parents, and told them that he plans to leave her as soon as the oldest one is in university. They're desperately hoping he sticks to his plan.

I agree with 25Avalon and Jaycee5 totally. You need to discuss this with your son and his fiancee, and state what you are able to do, and can afford to. If she is from another culture she may not realise that she's hurting your feelings as this could be a normal routine for her family. Try to keep it light hearted but be firm with your decisions. Good luck.

PS forgot to say - my friend now wishes she had spoken up sooner. She says that continualy swallowing her hurt feelings and saying nothing, just allowed the girlfriend to get away with treating them badly just made her more confident and behave even worse. Maybe you need to lay down some of your own ground rules before the wedding?

If it is an American weding then you should know that it is like a movie production. Brides mother becomes Queen Bitch and expects all to obey. I know of one where a guy from South Africa married an American girl in the USA. The grooms mother received a detailed "You will" list telling her what to wear, who to speak etc. She ignored the "instructions" and (although she is a white South African lady) she and her daughter attended dressed in full Zulu chieftains wife and daughter robes . Arrived at the wedding and caused a sensation as all the guests and photgraphers clamoured to meet them and be photographed with them. Brides mother put firmly in her place! Became the wedding of the year in that city....with newspapers featuring pictures of the grooms mother, and not any of his new mother-in-law.

6000 cookies? Don't buy the Mother of the Groom outfit until you've finished baking. By the time you have sampled at least one from each batch to make sure they are good enough, you're going to need at least a size bigger!

6000 cookies? Maybe they are only inviting a few guests and these are the Wedding Breakfast.

It must be an American girl he is marrying. Where else do they think about cookies at a wedding?
Also we know it is American because the Mum part is spelt Mom.
This is an American wedding so really the rest of us are only interfering.

I’m so sorry for you, not easy being a MIL. I get on fantasticaly with my SIL but not so my DIL no matter how I try. Her mummy is the be all & end all I’m afraid. Her family only ones who matter, even my daughter & her family not welcome. In fact DIL asked if they needed to buy Xmas presents for our daughter & her children as she wanted to cut down & stop buying for distant family members.

Really sorry to hear but I’ve found that after the wedding it just gets worse.I have three daughters in law,two who are lovely & the other is just plain awkward.Its quite upsetting as we are a close family but she is always trying to cause mischief between the rest of the family.We all try very hard but sometimes it’s like walking over broken glass,I love all my children & it makes life very difficult because it’s getting so that none of us want to socialise with her but we do it for our son.Weddings always seem to cause problems but if they want you to pay for things I think they should involve you in the preparations .They are being really selfish if they want you to help pay for things without having any input.

Poor you....! Tell them you will contribute but would like to know to what exactly, it's your money. Good luck!!

Are you in USA? As i dont think we Brits do have a 'mother/ son' dance specifically- we do the married couple first dance,& i think possibly a father/ daughter dance? But a mother/ son one not widely acknowleadged here.Yes the posts are right- dont dish out money without you making any choices- its your sons wedding too- if their being 'traditional' the brides parents foot the bill- also, who the hell needs 6000 cookies for giveaway bags at a wedding? Only maybe Royalty? Or a filmstar? Id tell them ill buy the bags- 1 for each guest coming- as a wedding 'favour' ( you know like sugared almond giveaways?) But id need a list of guests coming so you know how many to get- also if the grooms mother 'doesnt need to know' then what kind of family is he marrying into? Then id order said amount of bags on amazon or a catering cash& carry then tell the bride& her family to feel free to make or buy the cookies themselves.And who'se the dress for? If its just yours then fine- but any brides/ bridesmaids dress is down to brides parents- if they want a big do then they should pay for it.Sorry but us Brits are straight talking mostly.Get them told

Annaram1- we have been asked on here for our opinion and/or comments/ support by poster so its not ' interfereing' as you ( rudely) put it

Quote
“Ooooo something similar happened at a relatives wedding a couple of years ago. Turns out it was all for show by a very manipulative female and a bullied male and the marriage only lasted just over a year.

Not before loads of money was spent by the groom’s family for the big do she wanted.

I hear she’s engaged again. ?
I think she likes the taste of wedding cake and the smell of money. ?”

I do like this post, I think is sums up the brides family so well, not a family I would want my son to be attached to.

It's your son's wedding too - equal blame I would say not just on DiL. Have a word (or 2!) with your son.

Are the couple very young? These days I think most couples like to arrange their own wedding. I think you should set an amount of money (and time if relevant) that you and your husband/ptnr are happy to put towards the event - and pretty much stick to that. After all it is them who want to marry.