Gransnet forums

Relationships

how to advise and support pregnant daughter

(33 Posts)
seffy138 Wed 20-Mar-19 16:16:36

Daughter has recently found out that she's pregnant. It's still very early days but already she has me worrying with her latest news that she doesn't feel her and her boyfriend will last much longer. She claims that everything about him just annoys her. She's fully aware that stress is never a good thing but feels that the longer she keeps quiet the more stressed she's going to feel. In my eyes he's a nice lad but I guess I'm not there. Just not sure how to support her. I know hormones are all running rife at the moment so don't much like the idea of her steaming in with hormones raging to then regret her words.
Don't want to be melodramatic nor do I want to be too interfering but I just worry...

aggie Wed 20-Mar-19 16:23:21

Her relationship , both responsible for the baby , their decision . Don't give advice listen and mop the tears , anything you say will be regurgitated later

luluaugust Wed 20-Mar-19 16:33:56

I guess what happens next depends on things like her age, his age, how long they have been together etc. Has she told him yet and has this come from his reaction. Definitely do as aggie suggests certainly for the time being, they might work things out and its best if you have said as little as possible.

kittylester Wed 20-Mar-19 16:34:46

Welcome to gransnet if you are new seffy138

agnurse Wed 20-Mar-19 18:54:55

PLEASE do not get involved in her relationship.

Parents should never get involved in AC's relationships and AC should never ask their parents to get involved. A parent's instinct is to protect a child. That's natural. That's normal. But it also means that by definition a parent is never an objective observer of the situation.

Let her figure out what she wants to do.

crazyH Wed 20-Mar-19 23:27:00

Raging hormones.
Ofcourse you are worried.....it's early days. Let them first make decision regarding their relationship. Be there for her but don't interfere. Good luck and I hope it's all sorted sooner rather than later .

notanan2 Thu 21-Mar-19 00:14:03

Oh god dont get involved. EVERYTHING about DH repulsed and annoyed me during one of my pregnancies, its like I became emotionally allergic to him: disappeared after the birth.

Then again they might have real problems that have nothing to do with pregnancy and if you suggest to a pregnant woman that its her hormones talking it wont go down well.

Maybe she just needs someone to rant to to blow off steam, if she needs more than that she will tell/ask you. Dont make suggestions just listen

notanan2 Thu 21-Mar-19 00:24:29

Glad Alice whinged-off in the end. Didnt like her and too much pairing off at the end would be annoying.

Glad the Duncan/Perez bromance won out.

notanan2 Thu 21-Mar-19 00:24:56

Oops this isnt the Shetland thread.. blush

GrandmainOz Thu 21-Mar-19 02:57:50

Unless she's very young, or there's abuse,don't get involved. My elder daughter left her partner shortly after she had their baby. I was dreadfully worried, but bit my tongue and just helped with practicalities when asked - and it's all worked out great for both her and GC's Dad so I'm very glad I stayed neutral. They both seem happier apart and they share care of GC very well.
Younger daughter however was still a teenager when she became pregnant by an older, abusive male so we had to take her in and look after her while she learned to be a mother.
That's the only kind of dramatic circumstance under which I would become involved!

glammanana Thu 21-Mar-19 09:39:42

I would stand back and just be there when necessary,you will not be thanked for any advice or comments which can't be taken back in the future.
Your DD just may be frightened of the future and feeling hormonal just be there with the door open for when she makes a decision of what she is going to do regarding her relationship.

BradfordLass72 Thu 21-Mar-19 09:51:49

All you can do is tell her you'll support and help her come what may.

If she then descends on you, your help will entail getting her to the right people so she and baby can live independently (if that's what you both want).

How exciting, a new life and grandchild for you. Congratulations flowers

Willow10 Thu 21-Mar-19 10:04:51

Notanan2 - I haven't watched the recording yet! hmm

Aepgirl Thu 21-Mar-19 10:08:50

It puzzles me why unwanted pregnancies happen these days. There’s just no excuse with so many forms of contraception. My heart bleeds for the number of unwanted babies that come into this world through a ‘moment of passion’.

sazz1 Thu 21-Mar-19 10:18:30

No contraception is 100% unfortunately. I know 2 people who were pregnant on the pill having never missed a single tablet and a man who fathered triplets after a vasectomy. Nothing is foolproof except a hysterectomy.

David1968 Thu 21-Mar-19 10:40:03

Seffy138, I think more context is needed before GNS can offer full advice to you. Like, how old is DD? Where will she live if she breaks up with her partner? Does she have a job, and if so, how well-paid is it and how "secure"? (And will she be eligible for maternity leave?) How close is DD to you, geographically and emotionally? More info, please!

sarahellenwhitney Thu 21-Mar-19 10:58:54

Stand back and listen. Whatever you say how ever good
your intentions, or you agree with, may at some stage rear up and fall back on you and not always with a happy ending.Make this clear to your D. but whatever the outcome would always, as a mum, 'be there'.

Magrithea Thu 21-Mar-19 11:16:52

If they are having a child together can they get some sort of counselling? It's hard work being a parent and doubly hard being a single parent so she should think carefully about ending the relationship unless there's abuse of any type in it.

25Avalon Thu 21-Mar-19 11:37:14

She needs to talk to her boyfriend and they need to work something out between them. Whatever happens there is also a baby to consider and the practicalities that will involve whatever they decide to do. Please encourage her to do this but be around to pick up the pieces if things go round.

notanan2 Thu 21-Mar-19 14:32:54

Sorry Willow thanks

GabriellaG54 Thu 21-Mar-19 15:30:26

sazz1
Abstain.
Women have sex at the drop of a hat nowadays.
No morals or dignity.

Luckygirl Thu 21-Mar-19 16:01:29

You must not take sides - mop her tears, hold her hand, but do not criticise her bf.

4allweknow Thu 21-Mar-19 21:09:41

Suggest you mentions emotions will be all over the place as early stages. Perhaps DD should give just a few weeks to see if still feels the same. But, do not become involved in conversation or anything, matter is between DD and boyfriend.

muffinthemoo Thu 21-Mar-19 21:43:17

Gabriella and how is that supposed to work in a marriage? Have a headache for fifty years?

aggie Thu 21-Mar-19 21:56:37

Having 6 children I obviously hadn't enough headaches , not a recommended method grin