My DH is turning into a little old man.

To all the posters, what a heartwarming and moving thread. There is much sadnesss and loss, great courage, learning to find joy in small things, helpful information and above all, lots of love. Thank you all. Gransnest at its best. ?

There seems to be so many in the same position as me. My dh is also house bound and very demanding with terrible health problems. He was diagnosed with asbestosis. So he has problems breathing, mainly, and arthritis which is crippling him. In act he has so many problems to deal with, too many to list. I am grieving for the life we had and get so down in my head about how life is now. I do my best for him, but he gets very aggressive that makes me feel so unhappy. He. Ertainky isn’t the man I married all those years ago. I do make sure that once he is settled in the mornings that I go out somewhere. I cannot stay indoors as he has to everyday. The future, I feel there is no future at the moment. He is an old 77 and I am a young 74.

Contact your local Carer Service they will be able to offer you support in various ways. Carer.org is also good for advice and help. Talk to your Doctor about how you feel and take advantage of any support they offer. Mindfulness is good for staying in the present and reducing stress.

Oh lucky you Moore’s ...my husband had a minor stroke and I stress ‘minor’ when he was 50. He could not do his job after because of the safety aspect involved , as he was a train driver. Now my husband defined himself by his job ...so when he got over the symptoms of his illness I expected him to start working on looking for another job or re-training or something. Anything!! But no...if he couldn’t do HIS job he wasn’t doing any and he’s been sitting in his armchair for 22 years now watching tv. I had to work full time to try to cover loss of wages. He wouldn’t claim benefit. Flatly refuses to do anything to reclaim his/our normal life. I worked in retail for 20 years while he sat and watched me basically fall-apart under the load of it all. No cooked dinners waiting at home for me , no housework done, no gardening done, no nothing in the way of help. He has deteriorated to the point of behaving like he’s 95 ...we have no social life, no holidays, to look forward to. He turned in on himself totally. I don’t exist ...his kids don’t exist...and his grandchildren are a nuisance who cannot be left 10 mins in his charge.Your husband has a shuffle and a broken arm.He’ll recover from the arm ...the shuffle needs physio maybe! But I understand your concern. Your panicking. I’ve spent 22 years panicking. Last time I had to take him to hospital because of a fall ... the nurses referred to him as my father! He’s 3 years older than me. That tells you something. Look after yourself...physically and mentally. It pays off.

yes as keffie said, it is fear, fear of the unknown and at the back of ones mind, the fear of being left alone, losing that loved one. So best to prepare for that `what if`, not in a morbid way but a bit at a time, getting the wills done, POA, the file where you keep details of bank and savings accounts, home contents lists, what has to be paid and when. If and when it happens and I know from experience, those files will be a godsend.

VIOLETTE My husband also had PD so I can empathise with the broken nights, demands for attention and the constant calls to the ambulance service. One of the paramedics asked for our loyalty card! lol
I wonder if you need to visit daily? He is being well cared for and maybe you should take some time for rest and 'me-time'.

I too have had a taste of what you describe and it is difficult to cope with.

I hope your DH's fracture will mend, so that he will become a little more mobile again. This has happened for us and made a great difference, as we are beginning to get out and about again.

If you DH no longer is able to drive once his fracture mends, I suggest you look into other means of transport, such as an invalid scooter with three wheels or a three wheeled bike, but chose one with an electric auxillary motor. PM me if you need more details.

Is he willing to use a stick or any other aid to prevent falls in the future?

I assume you already have checked the house for rugs with turned-up edges, flexes, lintels and any other hazard he could trip over, plus handles to hold onto when getting in or out of the bath, off the toilet etc.

About adjusting your social life, that is more difficult. You can and should be able to go out to some things yourself, so you don't loose friends and outside interests. To me it sounds as if your DH can manage for himself for a couple of hours a week.

Any chance of interesting him in something you could go out to together? I'm asking because my DH spent two years sitting on his BTM watching TV, but is now that his shoulder is better beginning to take an interest in the outside world again, but it has been uphill work.

To me you do not sound selfish at all, but a concerned and loving wife, facing the problem of a husband who is maybe dwindling into invalidism. You do need and must have some time to yourself to preserve your interest in life and in the last extreme your sanity.

If you can afford it, try to get some help in the house, it will give you another person to talk to, if nothing else.

Try to invite friends in for a cuppa - I hope your DH like mine will make an effort to be sociable and feel the better for it, when someone comes.

Hope this helps. Keep your chin up! PM me if you like.

Moores, there is not a lot I can say that others have not already covered but I didn't want to read your post and close the thread without at least adding some moral support. It sounds as though your husband has some permanent conditions and some, like his arm fracture, that are temporary inconveniences. No matter how much responsibility you take on in caring for him I would agree with others that is is important to make a little 'me time' where you do something for yourself, meet with friends, go out, join a group or have a hobby etc - anything that does not involve being a carer or being responsible for someone else. My partner has cared for me for nearly 30 years (sometimes I need more help than others) and he is 5 years younger than me - I often feel like a burden, like he'd have had a better life without me etc but he assures me that is not how he sees it. We both recognise that every now and then he needs a bit of 'time out' - he always makes sure I can manage and have anything I am likely to need before leaving me alone and it is never for that long, a couple of days has probably been the longest and that was when I was able to do the basics for myself OK. You will find a way to deal with whatever life throws at you but remember to look after yourself or you will not be in a position to look after your husband. You may be surprised at just how strong you really are. Accept help if it is available/offered. From the replies already given to your post you will see that a lot of people of Gransnet can relate to your situation, so know that online support at least is always available here and someone will understand and empathise - don't be afraid to share or ask for a bit of support when you need it. I wish you and your husband well