Aggressive husband

Your mother's peace of mind, and your husband's right to vent anger are less important than your own safety. I really think that such threats have to be taken at their face value, even if he is merely venting anger.

I will echo the other posters and say you must get out of this relationship. Women's Aid are the best people to help. If you own a house together, get legal advice as well.

I am also saying that you must get out of this relationship asap for your own safety and peace of mind.
Make sure you have all your personal details and financial details together just in case you ever need to leave in a hurry,this is advice from mumsnet.
Although he has never been violent to you if he gets in your face again and threatens you I would have no hesitation in ringing the Police and reporting the threats it will certainly put a bully like this in his place.You should not have to put up with kind of living no one deserves to be treated like this.

Hi everyone,
I feel emotionless towards him kind of numb ? Hard to explain. I totally think he could be narcissistic it never entered my head until it was mentioned to me on here . I think because he’s not hit me I feel he won’t but the family member he did hit told me it would be me next that he would hit especially now the children have grown up and left and both strangely enough are on medication for anxiety and depression! Why didn’t I see this ? He’s actually gone out on his own I know where he is because he told me but I think he’s now trying to make me see how it is living on my own would be because he’s lived by himself before and didn’t like it but this 30 mins has been so bliss and no palpations and anxiety waiting for the next outburst when he doesn’t get his own way .

"...but this 30 mins has been so bliss and no palpations and anxiety waiting for the next outburst when he doesn’t get his own way ."

There's your answer. You need to be free of him. You've been given some good advice here as to how to get started. Please take it. Just DON'T TELL HIM or anyone who might let him know because you don't know how he'll react. Time for him to find out when you've gotten out. Clearly, you'll be so much happier when you do.

Telegran, you must get away from this abusive man, you deserve so much more than this.
Find Women's Aid online and you will find that what you have described is absolutely abuse or ring the free phone no:
0808 2000 247
and tell them what you have told us and they will advise you how to leave him safely.

I am going to I’ve started putting my possessions in a place ready to grab and go . Need more time on my own to do more but he’s back in so can’t do anything else yet . I have been given some good advice on here and I appreciate it all thanks.

Sometimes in life, you have to stand on the springboard, hold your nose and jump.

You will usually bob up to the surface, you may be coughing and spluttering, but you will be breathing.

Take courage, and jump!

What about the family house I won’t call it a home my home will be much better in happiness. He will stay cos it’s expensive house and he’s already told me he’s going to make it really difficult for me if I leave but I’m the meantime he’s told me he’s going treat me like Sh... in his eyes because he’s bought things for me he treats me well but I’d rather have a little house and be happy than this soulless house

Telegran, you know what needs to be done. Don't let him know your intentions or he will try to circumvent them. Go for it!

Thanks I’m going to x

Yes no doubt but needs to be done can’t do anything right here so hey ho

When you are able to see a Solicitor I am pretty sure that they will tell you that you are entitled to half the value of the house and unless he can buy you out, he will have to sell.
If you can safely ring Women's Aid, I would do and they will advise you of what you need to do.
If you can safely get copies of any financial documents or bank/savings accounts, that would be useful but first and foremost keep yourself safe as he could turn physically nasty if he had any inkling of your plan to leave.
Is there any where that you could go, if you have to move quickly?
If he threatens you at all after you have left, ring the Police immediately, they are used to dealing with situations like yours.

Telegran
Is there a possibility that you could put your mobile on record when he goes into a rant, I know I would.
I say this because I'm sure your aware that when the proverbial hits the fan all will be denied and it's your word against his.

Oh golly, I do hope you get away safely. Once you have done so do get some proper advice as to what you are entitled to, he's just totally bullying you and will about money given the chance. My heart goes out to you. xx

Thank you all for your support and good advice. Yes I do know where I could go to and there will be big trouble I know that he will loose his temper big time . He’s trying talk to me now get in my good books again but I’m staying strong. He will start on me again soon maybe tomorrow if I don’t let him see me get back to normal well normal for him that is. I will get the paperwork together as soon as I can . I did record him once it would have been great evidence aswell but I got scared in case he saw or heard it so deleted it . I will do it again though as I’m stronger now and can save it safely on my phone . Thanks everyone hope you all are enjoying this lovely weather. Xx

So much more info now Telegran.

I would be sly. Get 'back to normal' with him. Meanwhile, prepare yourself for leaving. Get all your financial stuff together - insurances, house deeds (although I believe these are on the Internet now), bank account details, savings accounts, etc. (And a recording of him being aggressive is a great idea.)

Get all the help you can. Posters have mentioned 'Women's Aid', and do try to sneak out to see a solicitor. Once your decision to leave is concrete, marshall all the forces available to you.

You say that you have somewhere to go. That's a big plus. Could you get some of your clothes there in advance, so that you don't have to 'pack and go'?

Your strength and resiliance now could well be a guiding light to your children, who are having difficulties of their own.

The very best of luck to you. (You can do it!)

Thank you . It has helped me to vent off a bit . Even if it takes a while I’ve made my mind up now I just have to prepare like you say and in the meantime just try and get back as if it’s ok . I couldn’t take much at all because where I’d go to is literally a bed and nothing else but at least I won’t be on the streets .

Go to Women’s Aid once you’ve left . Most have access to a free solicitor. No matter what he says you are entitled to half of everything and the court will see that you get it. My ex threatened my life when I was ready to leave and although I escaped with the help of the police I thought he would kill me. Lots of difficulties which I won’t reveal but I am 5 years down the line, alone independent and so happy. I wish you well you can have a better life. Be careful

Get out of there!!! Best thing I ever did.

1. Why ate you still there 2. It is not as hard as it seems to leave and have rest of your like for you.

My father was like that - I left home when I was 21 and never saw him again but unfortunately my poor mother put up with him until he died but this was in the 1950s - thank goodness things have changed and no one has to put up with that sort of behaviour now
I was fortunate to marry a lovely man and have now been married for 58 years

Does anyone know by law you say I’m entitled to half of everything, does that go the same for his private pension ?

At last, being made to feel worthless is accepted as cruelty. You are not worthless. I got rid of mine, it's been hard (I won't lie) but so much better than what I had to endure before.

I’m happy for you who have been in the same situation and are much happier now and in happy marriages good luck I wish you all well. For the people who ask why I’m still here and it’s easy to leave , it maybe for some people but I won’t be left alone. I can’t make an excuse I’m going see a friend because he’s told me not to trust friends and I’ve foolishly listened I’m shaking at typing this in case he wonders who I’m texting and I have severe anxiety issues so no it’s not easy . I’m doing my best what I can I have pets to think about because I wouldn’t leave them with him when I’m not here . Speak soon he’s watching me