Aggressive husband

This is domestic abuse: Get in touch with women's aid
www.womensaid.org.uk/

Get there help and support. They will be with you whatever you decide to do. You don't have to be leaving him to be in contact with them. (I hope you will be though)

Go incognito on your laptop/phone if needs be to keep you safe. Though I believe now it is not traceable through history if you have visited these website or similar for safety reasons.

Get out before the years grind you down. It won't get better. I know as I spent 16 years in domestic abuse. It took my physical and mental health. The aftermath was hell because I stayed too long. I had 4 children by the ex.

I am not saying it is easy to leave and start again. What I am saying is the sooner you do it the better it will be. Women's Aid will support you and the linked services through it all.

Self care: anyone who is affected by your actions will be more affected if you stay re your mom, I think you said.

Two women a week still die from domestic abuse. 1 in 4 women will be in abuse in there lifetimes. How many children is that then seeing domestic abuse and being affected by it? On average two children per abused woman. That is alot of children. They average it at 1 in 5 children.

If you haven't got children thank god as you can make a clean break. If you have for there sake get out as it will damage them.

Mine were 15, 13, 11 and 4 when we finally fled. We all have good decent lives today. The ex is no longer in any of our lives in any way shape or form by their choice. My husband was and is the Dad he didn't have to be to them (unfortunately he passed away unexpectedly last year)

Don't leave it like me until they are much older as there will be so much extra recovery as well as your own to deal with. Thank goodness mine are all in good safe happy places today with families of their own. It's more unusual than usual for this to be the case.

Please, please get help. Like you I was oblivious to I was in domestic abuse as I didn't fit the stereo type mould of what I thought domestic abuse was. I have been left 19 years now and happily remarried. The scars still remain. However away from them we can get into good long term recovery

He sounds a deeply unhappy man, this makes him disturbed and he is taking it out on you, I wonder if he may become very dangerous to you? I wonder if you have children? (You may have said, and I haven’t noticed). Does he ever acknowledge that he is the cause of your unhappiness? As others have said, you need proper advice and a detailed assessment of your circumstances. You could confront him with an ally, but that may make him dangerous. The bottom line is that this is completely unacceptable traumatising bullying behaviour. And confusing for you if sometimes he is kindly...

Leave leave leave. You are in danger of physical abuse. Can I ask why you have stayed with him all these years if he has been like this for all that time?

I posted a similar message to your in January and I got wonderful support and advise.,I saw a solicitor and am getting all my ducks in a row ,I intend to have our house valued at the end of May when he goes on holiday (on his own).I have been sorting things out so I can do all this.I think know exactly how you feel and it is horrible,the atmosphere is shocking and we put up with it because basically we are too nice and don't want to cause a fuss.Keep us posted i feel for you and sent you love and all my support .

Well done Pudding123. I send you peace and love for the next chapter of your life x

Well done pudding 123 I hope everything goes well for you. I will get there I’m sure. The odd bird to answer your question why have I stayed so long ? One because I have 2 children with anxiety issues one being autistic and dyslexic.
And because until yesterday I didn’t realise what he was because it’s been so long now I’ve got more used to it but the telling me to go commit suicide really hurt me so much that’s when I joined here and had got some really nice responses from people who have suffered the same and worse I’m sure . I honestly didn’t realise how bad things were but I do now . And I suppose my patience and good nature I’m always willing to help people not to do them wrong . I hope that helps you see why I stayed so long I’ve had others to think about and not just myself.

In a similar situation. He had pushed open my bedroom door one morning,out of the blue and said 'Look at you lying there, like a great fat,xxxxxxx,lazy sow.' Never physical,just more of the same. I went downstairs and said I have messaged my sister about what you are saying and she says I am to phone the police about you as it is abuse of your wife and abuse of the elderly.
He was quite shocked. I had heard someone on the radio saying, if you know of anyone with a pessimistic personality disorder ,steer clear of them. He sucks the oxygen from the air. I told the GP and said I didn't know how long I could carry on,he said 'Aren't you lucky that he feels well enough to complain?

I really feel for you and please,please,take care of yourself. Once you start to be strong,it will help you to get stronger.

I’m holding back as my mums old and it would really hurt her and I don’t want her to know about him

Are you a mother, Telegran? I presume you are. Would you rather not know what is happening to your daughter and for her to continue to be in danger and have her mental health severely affected?

Of course not.

Agreed.

You are definitely being psychologically abused with the threats against you. He needs to address his attitude and behaviour towards you. Have you considered going to Social Services. They will advise on what you can do, refuges, how to plan your leaving and financial information.

My mum thinks the sun shines out of him . She’s 90 hasn’t a clue but you made you bed you must lie in it kind of attitude anyway. I am definitely leaving without a doubt I’ve started getting paperwork together already today bit at a time while “ nipping to the loo” etc.... he’s still not spoke anyway so hopefully he will give up and go first fingers crossed and if he doesn’t then I will get the police to do it they already know about the last incident when he hit a family member this year. He’s a bully with a massive ego

Why are you still around him when he is like this towards you ? Asking if this is abuse shows how conditioned you are to this appalling behaviour. Th say how many years this has been going on for, it is awful. I suggest that you get out whilst you can, he obviously doesn’t deserve you and is wearing you down You deserve much better.

I’m in the same house with him but if I disappear in another room for long he creeps in trying to catch me out he’s done it a few times today even to the point he’s made me jump . I’ve been on here most of today he thinks I’m reading a book on iPad

I am seriously concerned for your safety, for goodness sake don't let him see this thread.
Sending kind thoughts

Hi nanak54 don’t worry it’s the same old if he did hit me I’d ring the police immediately they do know he hit a family member not long ago . The family member has also told them things I’m sure because he’s close to me but only young but was hit by this excuse of a man . Thanks but please don’t worry I will keep safe and my devices are secure so he won’t see anything.

Please do something. This is abuse and unless he is ill or has a problem that is causing him to be like this you need to get some help. Please speak to someone, maybe start with you GP? This is not going to get any better and i hate to say this but it may get worse. My heart goes out to you as i know some of what you are going through. I got out and i am so glad i did. Be strong and make that decision, you will be glad you did too. XX

Hi thanks. I’m going to get out I need to find myself I feel numb as if I don’t know myself anymore. I can’t believe it’s been such a long time and I didn’t know the extent until I came on here yesterday. I’m sure someone will take me in somewhere lol if not it’s nice sunny weather for a field lol

Womens Aid will help you - just google them for a contact number and they will assist you in sorting out your life. Simples !!! If in danger phone the Police - they will take you to the nearest WA house.

Emotional support from Gransnet is one thing but practical support from WA will be a different experience altogether - it will focus you entirely.

Your husband sounds exactly like my 46 yr old son who has Borderline Personality Disorder. Unfortunately he also has MS and is on a Disability Pension and is unable to afford the cost of private rental so he lives with me. I, too, have to deal with the mental, physical and verbal abuse on a daily basis but he too, can change instantly when other people are around. Most people (other than my other son and daughter) don't believe what I have told them about him. My sister says "Oh. Well. Other people have to put up with it He's your son . You've got to look after him". Every relationship he has had has ended in violence and/or AVO's taken out against him. That doesn't seem to count for much when he can twist the police around his little finger and can convince them everything is my (or other people's fault}. The woman he is seeing at the moment has taken the pressure off me by also being verbally and mentally abused. I have tried to warn her by telling her she has seen how he treats me and that will be her life if she stays with him. He belittles and mocks her but she always has an excuse and a reason why her behaviour has caused this reaction. Sorry. I didn't mean to take over this thread. I just wanted to tell Telegran that she should get the hell out of there, or else she will be living in constant fear like I am. I can't see any way out of my situation but Telegran can hopefully get help and support and move on.

I lived like that for years. If you can, leave him. He won't change.

Congratulations, Pudding! And Rainsong, also, since I take it you got out!

TeddyIII, I'm shocked at your GP's answer. I hope you look into leaving if your h is often this way, unless it's a health issue.

Telegran, I feel like I'm getting mixed messages from you. One minute it sounds like you're preparing to leave, and the next you're not so sure what your feelings are. Am I misreading? I hope you sort it all out soon and remove yourself from this unhappy situation. Best of luck!

I can’t add anything to the detailed and supportive posts you’ve received on here but wanted to say please put yourself and your children first. I wish you good health and much happiness for the future. Please stay safe and stay strong. xx ?

Have recently downsized...... long happy marriage , Rey fab daughters, 3 beautiful granddaughters and now at last a room of my own for my new decade in my new home.... just as Virginia Woolfe recommends, no tv, (not a fan at all) but good radio and CD player, bookshelves, desk and computer, view, space for photo albums, sewing etc. and tucked away, most of the time, the ironing board, love it all... and highly recommend such, makes hubby happy to see me happy, and who knows I might even write that book! Try it ladies!

Hope you are ok Telegran you have gone quiet.

What was that all about Heidi ? Not appropriate for this sad thread.

Think Heidi may have posted on the wrong thread NanKate I think there has been one active about downsizing.