Should I move out

I apologise for being rude about the punctuation. I had to cope with splitting up with my partner of twenty years and was scared about coping. However, two years down the line, I have realised it is not so bad and the peace of living without an uncommunicative, critcal partner is the better solution.

Vauxhallstop being a drama queen.
Posters are trying too help .Help yourself by first of all going to the docs for HRT.
Classical case of menopause.
Start from there and liven up a bit.Get another Tv and watch what you want. Create a safe special place for yourself your only 59.
At the end of the day Ido not think that moving out will solve your problems .There are other things to work on as well.

I'm not a drama queen it's a difficult decision to make was looking for support messages not having a go at me . I can't take hrt as breast cancer is in the family on my mums side some things are not all black and white . Thank you for positive comments that I do get

Vauzhall, I think the problem here is that it's not really clear if this is mainly about the TV or if that is just a symptom of your general dissatisfaction with your husband. The fact that you objected to the idea of a second TV in another room made it seem (to me, at least) as if it really were about the TV and wanting your husband to agree to watch more shows with you that you like. Of course, I realize it could mean that you want to have more fun together/want him to be more fun. Have you tried planning outings, etc? If he won't go, you could go on your own.

But maybe you're just tired of him, period. If so, then I guess you need to leave. I get how you feel about the dogs, but how many you can take with you may depend on where you move to. Idk if your husband would want to be left with 5 dogs to care for, however. Perhaps you can take at least 2, if feasible?

My aunt had breast cancer, I was told by 2 Drs that I can take HRT as long as not sister or mum who had breast cancer. I would start getting some info - book a Drs appt, talk to the council, look at local rents, check bank balance. You have 2 options - stay or go. If you stay, make a new life for yourself. Find a space in the house to make yours. Set it up how you want - chair, TV, pics. Let your OH sort out his own life - shopping, cooking, washing, hobbies and look after yourself. Be a bit selfish - what have you got to lose? Get out and get involved in the community in some way. Maybe a part-time job or volunteer somewhere so you can meet people, or a hobby. Start living as of you were single and see how you get on. Yes there will be compromises, and you need to come to terms with that. Instead of a house you might have to move to a flat if you split up. Only you can let go of your old life and make a new one, and your resources may be limited. You may end up without the dogs, in a smaller space, on your own. Would that make you happier as you won’t have your partner?

uxhall* Why can't you sit your husband down and explain to him the way you feel and that you are not going to put up with it any longer after 21 years surely you can communicate with each other.
I am also astounded that a Council will allow 5 dogs in one of their properties where I live 2 is the maximum.
Rather than you leave the property why can't your OH leave,at 59 you are still young and you should be enjoying life you have a long way to go as yet and do you want to be miserable for all that time.

Why don't you find some fun things you can do together such as going to the theatre, doing on day trips, a bit of retail therapy, anything really that interests both of you. If he won't join in then do things on your own, which interest you. It would be very hard I should imagine financially, practically, emotionally, etc. to leave and have to manage on your own. Compromise and do the best you can to make yourself happy, then it might rub off on him. We are only as happy as we make up our minds to be as George Washington said. and its true.

Hi Vauxhall, I understand how you feel.

You obviously have a computer/laptop, well, I use this to watch what I want while my other half is watching what he wants, earphones and I'm happy sat in a comfy chair with the dog snuggled up.

Try a hobby, photography to get you out, knitting/sewing if you like staying in, the WI to meet people, something different.

Leaving is a big decision, especially with 5 dogs to consider, be sure you can manage financially, you may end up with all 5 dogs, have you thought of that?

Gook luck Vauxhall.

Sorry to hear of your situation. I would advise that you find out more about your options before you make any decisions. If you did leave to live on your own, if you are eligible for housing benefit, as a single woman, you would only get an amount that would pay for a studio flat or a single room in a shared house. So you may well not have the option of even taking one of your dogs. As others have asked, does your husband know how unhappy you are? If you have rubbed along for 21 years, he may well think nothing needs to change. Telling him what you are thinking and feeling may help him realise that's not the case. Not sure why Relate is not for you, but an impartial, trained person can really help. You can go on your own if your husband won't go. Or perhaps you have a friend you could talk things through with. Have you looked into activities or courses you could do locally that would get you out of the house? But definitely do some research so you know exactly what your financial situation would be and what your options are so you can make an informed decision. You could start by Googling benefits calculator. I really hope you find a way through this that leads you to a happier, more fulfilled place.

Speak to your housing department and see what your options are.
My Council (Harrow) does now allow dogs in all its rentals so they do vary. It might be possible for you to take 2 dogs so they have company but you don't have to manage all 5. Unless getting the dogs was his decision alone, you must have known when you got them that 5 dogs was tying you in so the psychology there is a bit hard to fathom.
Presumably your home is a decent size if you can have that many dogs, so is there really nowhere else that you can put a TV? That is obviously not the only issue and that would only be a temporary fix but you need to speak to people who know what is available in your area. In some areas there is no shortage of council property and it would not be that difficult, in others it is virtually a non starter. As others have said though, they may help you move into a private rental.
My Housing Officer told me that they are not allowed to suggest that someone moves or to help them with the transfer process. Presumably this is because of cases where housing officers were found to be helping friends. I very much doubt that they would speak to your husband at all.
It does sound as if your decision has been made and the problem is how to do it and how to deal with the dogs. Is your husband involved in the care of the dogs? If not, then it might be worth asking him to try to find somewhere else although it does not sound as if he would be particularly co-operative. Unless he is likely to be aggressive or even violent, then talking about it has to be worth considering. Could you move close enough that you could take the dogs out every day?

JanCl That isn't true for people of Vauxhall58's age. You are not expected to still be sharing a house or living in a studio flat when you are in your late 50s. She would be able to get a one bedroom flat and get housing benefit up to a certain amount but should take advice from someone like AgeUK about her specific situation. I know because I was in that situation myself.

If you are really sure that your marriage is over I would suggest approaching the council you rent from with a view to being rehoused. Though I think you would only be offered a one bedroom property. IAnd also as some one else said have a look at the benefits calculator

Vauxhall 58, a whole paragraph with no punctuation makes understanding what you are saying more difficult. Full stops would really help.
I can’t quite understand what the problem is, you only say that your husband watches a lot of sport on television which in itself seems no big deal and many families manage this problem ! Another mention is your 5 dogs some of whom you would need to leave behind if you moved. Is this a problem, or your reason to stay ? There must be more to your situation but you haven’t mentioned what are the major things causing you to think of moving out. This makes your situation more difficult to comment on.

Vauxhall58 I can see where you are. A black hole of despair with a dark vision of an endless future. You’ve probably used this forum to offload you’re despair. Understandable.
Many people read this and want to ‘help’ not realising that their helpful comments are far from helpful.
In the end you will make your own decisions. You will either stay or walk.
Walking away requires planning and, dare I mention it, some finance. If you made an appointment at CAB maybe they could help you plan your finance/housing options.
Whatever you decide I wish I Lucy and peace ??‍♂️??‍♂️

You luck. Predictive texting

Life is too short! Can you not talk to your husband and point out that you are unhappy and maybe he feels the same way. Take that big step away and enjoy your life. Besides we are only here once. Take care and sending you love and hugs. x

Get a second TV.

If you are miserable together then could you find a small place to tent alone? I would personally take a dog if you can fond a LL who will let you have a dog. If not you could always go around and take dogs for a walk a few times each week. If I was miserable with husband i would leave. It os never too late to start a fresh. You might be entitled to some of husbands pension too. You would probably be able to get help towards tent and only pay 75% council tax.

Vauxhall, actually whatever you decide it has to be you carrying out the actions. Citizens Advice might be worth finding out about or an initial consultation with a solicitor although as you are planning on leaving your husband you might well have done this already. Just noticed that you say not Relate but you can go alone and they are not there to keep you together but will help you to separate if that is the best option. Confide and gain support from friends and family if you are able to talk about it with people you know.

Vauxhall 58...my life’s like yours. My husband stopped work at 50 and has sat in a chair and watched 15 hours of tv a day....did you know you can watch football every day if the week....and rugby....and golf ...and tennis...so on. At weekends there are usually two live footie matches on Saturday and if your very lucky three on Super Sunday....then you can watch every league highlight late at night on sat/sun as well. Last week including replays ..live matches...re-runs my old man watch36 hours of sport. We have no life...cos when he’s not watching sport he’s watching mindless quiz shows that even a 10 year old could answer the questions.....that’s the weekday afternoons taken care of with Tenable. , then Tipping Point...then The chase...then dinner, which of course I cook ,as he’s watching Heartbeat ... then news. At 7 he hands the remote to me so I can have 45 of my choice until football starts usually at 7:45 .Get the picture. If you can afford it run,run fast and don’t stop until you’re at least 50 miles away. I can’t afford to run ...he made sure of that. So...I kicked him out of the bedroom...installed a tv.... got a 4ft bed instead of king size....installed a reclining chair and a row of bookcases for my books and stuff and now when I’m not busy with grandkids or fiends I retreat there and have never been more content in 20 years. It’s my space ....told him he could have his wall to wall sport...oh and I charged all my new arrangement costs to his credit card. Sorted.

Really sorry you had some unpleasant remarks, but unfortunately there are always some.
I sympathise with you and understand that it's not just about tv that's driven you to consider leaving.
I've had to walk away from a marriage, and I can honestly say it was the best thing I ever did., because I was dreadfully unhappy.
You could just take 2 of the dogs if you are allowed to when you move to a new address, which would be easier on them all.
You need a plan re accommodation, and perhaps some legal advice. Then you can find lots of wzys to make new friends. All the best. Feel free to private message me if I can help..

Just read your answer Pippa22....you say continual watching tv sport is ‘ no big deal’ ....Easter Sunday and my kids and son in law and grandkids are round for an egg hunt and some fun and Sunday lunch ....my husband eats in his lap rather than sit to table with the family ...cos guess what ...footballs on. And it wasn’t even his team playing. He will watch ants racing grasshoppers rather than be with his family. These men ( and it’s always men) are losers who don’t deserve families. You don’t know WHAT your talking about.

As a single person, your council's local housing allowance will be for a 1 bed self contained flat or 1 bed shared, as in HMO, house of multiple occupancy. What you are able to get will obviously depend on what is available in your area. We don't have that many affordable 1 bed self contained flats in my area. I know people over 50 who are in an HMO. But as Jaycee5 says, best to talk to your housing department to see what the situation actually is in your area, because it varies.

wot
I do wish people would not criticise others for punctuation or spelling or grammar or whatever. Its not fair and its not kind.

That applies to you too Pippa. No criticism please, as it may put Grans off telling us about their troubles.