Mega grumpy husband

Some people prefer perspectives on reality while others prefer stroking. It's impossible to know without access to body language which style would be the more helpful or comforting .

No flame stoking going on - merely a challenge to the less constructive comments directed at someone who is obviously struggling in a very difficult relationship and fearful of the fallout if she were leave.

Well we all see things differently don't we... c'est la vie..

kiki. I do hope things will improve for you soon, and as others have suggested, you are going to have to get out of the house, join things such as your nearest church for starters. I am not a chuchgoer myself these days, but when I first moved here with my teenage children we knew no-one, but there was an invitation from a local priest to attend his church and this was pardon the pun, a Godsend as we soon got to know loads of people.
As far as your DH's painful wrists are concerned, this sound just like CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME, as someone has previously stated. You could check this out. Lots of love, ❤

Wtf there are one or two posts recently added to this thread where I have no idea what they are on about.

And they were added whilst L of D was on!!!

SirChenin and Alexa, were you talking in some kind of code?

Annaram1 ???

kiki2 I would look at all options. Talk to a good divorce lawyer, they do first consultation for free. Visit your GP and ask if they can do anything for him, or you. Speak to your adult children and explain what’s going on. Save up for a trip to your original country. Breathe. And decide what’s best. We have one life. You have choices. Good luck. ☘️
I used to live with a grumpy git. He’s surprisingly polite to me now he no longer lives here.

I am wondering if the fact that you are around him 24 hours a day could be the problem. All of a sudden he hasn't got any space and may feel resentful. Retirement is a new phase in your lives and takes a bit of getting used to.

I would get out as much as possible, learn new hobbies meet friends, go see your relatives.

I for one am not looking forward to being together all of the time and fully intend to be out with others so I can chat about my day.

I believe you are right, spandorah. Women tend to be attached to their relationships and to cooperating, while men tend to be competitive and interested in their status as earners and providers. Women even in modern times tend to be the home makers and the retired husband may have no adequate opportunity to be creative or useful in the home

When my son retired from business he took up school governorship so he continues to be a provider. Voluntary work earns no money but it earns self esteem and approval from those it helps and from the general public.

Anja, presumably you are unaware that people with a serious issue such as domestic abuse will often "test the water" by asking a more general question before revealing the true extent of their issue. I hope you stop for a moment and consider your unnecessarily cruel response. For all you know "grumpy" could mean being continually insulted, threatened, sworn at etc. As women generally understate what's happening to them.
I get that you have your own struggles, however that should surely mean that you have a greater understanding of how difficult relationships can be. Please learn from this.

KiKi2, you sound really lonely; do you have a network of friends you can confide in and do things with? I wonder too how your husband knows he has arthritis if he won't go and see the GP? It may be that he's scared that the GP will tell him to give up his bell-ringing which appears to be the most important thing in his life.

Whatever his issues, however, he really shouldn't be putting you down all the time, that can be a form of abuse in itself and can erode self-esteem over time. Has he said what he wants from the relationship? Perhaps some form of couples counselling may help you both look at the issues. I don't know how old you are, but to continue in a miserable marriage for the rest of your retirement sounds like absolute hell to be honest.

As your children are adults, would you be able to speak to one of them about the situation?
As others have said, spending some time away from him may help you to get a better perspective. Lots of women start new lives in retirement. I knew a lady in her 80s who left an abusive marriage after 55 years and lived out her life in peace with support from her family.

Finally, don't forget it's your life and you need to do what's right for you. Whatever you decide to do I wish you all the best for a happier future.

You are obviously very unhappy, if you are certain that you can’t afford to live on your own then you must make changes. Offer him couples counselling, go out and meet new people and accept any invitations from new found friends. Try and make a new life for yourself whilst still living in the same house.
Please ignore the few that have left negative comments. You reached out for some advice as you are at the end of your tether and thank fully most on here have offered practical advice and empathy.
I was told that if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all. Unfortunately there are a few on here that rule the roost and think they can say what they like no matter how hurtful.

P.S. Shame we can’t block certain people on here like Facebook! There are a handful of people that I would quite gladly get rid of! ???

Get you poppy. Who rules the roost - please tell so I can ingratiate myself with them.

There seems to be a bit of roost ruling already * Poppyred*

Poppyred you have plenty of support for what you said as I'm sure you know. Well done for being brave enough to say it.

What exactly am I missing here?

Don’t ask kittylester the thread is rapidly degenerating.

Great posts Jo and Poppy

Great
Irrelevant, certainly
#stopstirring

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hurrah LaraGransnet, you've noticed, not before time. I can't imagine what the OP thinks or the onlookers, of whom I am sure there are plenty. Doesn't do much for the reputation of GN does it.

There is a big difference between stoking and stroking.

Noticed what?