Mega grumpy husband

Very unkind to deduce from little evidence that OP is not a bundle of laughs. Does anyone think even if she dressed as a clown and told jokes all day things would improve? And selectively bring up broken marriage vows, well what about pulling up the husband for not living and cherishing his wife. Why say it is her to blame, what a lot of nasty blaming f3im some posters. And competitive misery, it can't be so bad cos poster so and sos husband is iller, so and sis husband has worse dementia. I think that there are people in the world who probably have it worse than any if those quoted posters who live in countries where food and medical care is scarce and still have to scrape a living together because there is no pension, no sociàl security, natural disasters have swept away their homes. Honestly think before you post. I've just looked up bellringing injuries sorry can't link on my phone, but they include degloved fingers, being scalped and death. Using your logic OP should tell her husband he's lucky he's only got arthritis. I get being grumpy from pain, but there are lots of things that medics can do, painkillers and antiinflamatories are the obvious thing you think of, might physio help, would a support help, and there might be other things that could help, if he wants to continue ringing he would be wise to seek help to enable him to do so. I've had all of those for various joints over the years and I've been able to continue doing things I thought I'd have to give up because if how painful things were.
OP why not try and find out what would happen if you did decide to go for divorce. Finding out doesn't mean you have to decide to do it. Is also suggest trying to find a counsellor who would listen to you and help you find work out what is happening, and what would you really like to do, locally you can self refer to the wellbeing service, if that's not the same in your are try the docs. And I'd go to the doc too, maybe a course if antidepressants might help lift your mood so you can start to think more clearly. And do you have any good friends who will listen to you and not criticise you and give you the space to talk things through. Being depressed doesn't mean you are not a bundle of laughs, some people who are depressed can be quite cheerful , and jokers.

Did someone mention venom somewhere on this thread?!

Let it all out. You'll feel better for it.

This is why I avoided hooking up with older men after I was widowed, the lovely man I have now is 10 years younger than me but his health is much worse, I would never keave him but I do worry

Kiki it’s hard to be in another country far from your family and be in an unhappy marriage.
My mother also from another country, was in the same situation with a much older husband, and i know how difficult it was for her. She never had the courage to leave but made a life outside the home with friends and also spent a lot of time with us. They lived in the same small house leading separate lives until he died.
I hope you have good friends and loving support from your children. Sending my best wishes.