I think I should really consider leaving

Well, no way to know if they talked about your being "psycho." IMO, it's more likely that she's pressuring him to have you move out ASAP. Did you tell him you won't know when you're moving out till you see if you have a place to move to?

"Plus don't change the locks till I'm gone... you'll still have to give me a key."

IMO, he shouldn't change the locks till you're entirely gone - not just staying at another apartment but have all your stuff out. So either he has to help you move or he has to wait. Regardless, I don't think he has any business expecting you to be fully out till he gives you that money on June 15.

Granted, he might want to set a deadline, and that's understandable, IMO. But it has to be reasonable, giving you ample time to find a new place. Also, if one plan doesn't work out, you may have to have a Plan B and even a Plan C. But again, I don't think you should be fully moved out before June 15 when he is supposed to give you that money. (By "fully out" I mean having all your things out.)

In fact, maybe I'm being unfair, but I'm suspicious that he might be trying to avoid giving you the money he promised, If you feel he's pushing you to move ASAP, that may be the reason. You might want to let him know you won't be fully out till you have the money in your hand.... IDK... Just a thought...

Starlady, he's gotten mean. He won't speak to me now. He left a letter on the table last Monday saying he is changing the locks 15 June and I need to have my stuff out. I asked him, nicely, if he could postpone the locks as I've been looking at places but none are available before the 15th. No!
Apparently I've brought this on myself and I'm not playing a straight game. What the hell? I come to my room and never speak to him. I don't know why he's so damn mad at me now and he said he's spoken to the police who said he should have changed the locks two days ago! What on earth is going on!? I don't have a clue. I've been hashing it over with friends and they think it's her. Oh and on FB they've gone public now. Oh my gawd it's almost embarrassing. DON'T. CARE.
On the bright side I've found a place, new flat, close to work, I can cycle, just hope I pass all the requirements! My friend said I can stay with her and her family till I can get in. Have all my stuff in storage so it's safe. My new bosses have been so understanding and she said something about seeing what they could do. Wow.
I actually feel like he's black mailing me because if I speak back, stand up for myself, he threatens not to give me the money. sigh.....OH GAWD, I made the mistake last week and referred to her as Miss Piggy, he went mad! That's got to be it! It was rather funny and he did smirked. Hmm. Well that's not going to happen again. lol
Feeling like a bad girl. Bring on the 15th.

Oh cas, I'm so sorry. I really can't help but feel as if he's looking for an excuse not to give you the money. Please be careful. I know it may feel like walking on eggshells, but if you have to for a short while, it might be worth it if you really need those funds.

You seem to have a lot of support though, and I'm glad. I'm sure you'll be out by the 15th even if you have to stay at your friend's. And I'm sure you'll get the money you need, too, if you're careful.

It's important to stay safe. Don't rile him. What's the point now you're this close? You've been treated badly and they might be laughing at you behind your back, but you're on your way now. Don't stall it by making remarks about her! Ignore it.

You have a job and you've seen a nice place to live close to the job. Well done! Everything is slotting into place nicely and if you can get the promised money, all the better but you need to get away even if you stay with your friend for a short time.

It's not what you'd hoped for, but you are better off alone than with someone who treats you badly. xx

Thank you Starlady & Ginny 42, I am going to be so much better once I'm out of here. I could actually be gone this weekend but I'm not budging till I get that money. If I leave I fear he won't give it to me.
I am keeping my mouth shut although I just want to scream! Need to go for a swim. I think once I'm out I'll contact RELATE and get some counseling.

cas, I was reading your original post, and I think he's a very mixed up person who does not know what his priorities are.

I agree Alexa I think hes's mixed up too and worried he may be getting angry as an excuse to not give Cas her money. He maybe said he would at a time he felt a bit softer towarder her.

I'm also a bit puzzled as to why he thought his 'mortgage would go up a lot' if Cas moved in? Surely it wouldn't make any difference and Cas paying rent would only ease his financial situation.

FWIW my take is that although they got on well to start with, he's still interested in his ex and when he saw the opportunity to get back with her, has lost interest in Cas (which is bad enough), but to add insult to injury, has come up with all sorts to shift the blame onto her and after offering the money, I suspect he doesn't want to pay it, hence the threatening of the police (which sounds ridiculous). It's a s**t thing to do, especially as he clearly courted Cas to start with, but now he's changed his mind, can't even be honest and decent about no longer wanting a relationship with her.

gt66 wrote:

"----to add insult to injury, has come up with all sorts to shift the blame onto her and after offering the money, I suspect he doesn't want to pay it, hence the threatening of the police (which sounds ridiculous). It's a s**t thing to do, especially as he clearly courted Cas to start with, but now he's changed his mind, can't even be honest and decent about no longer wanting a relationship with her."

Your scenario is true of weak persons who don't take responsibility for their own actions and commitments. Weak persons are dangerous if one trusts them.

I leaned my back upon an oak

I thought it was a trusty tree

But first it bent and then it broke

So my true love did lightly me.

Aww Alexa you made me tear up with that poem. I'll get personal now and say I'm 61 and feeling like such a little kid. Have I become one of 'those' women. Staying with a man because 'I love him'. I get it. I get it. Wiser now. I have to stop beating myself up.
There are things I keep forgetting to remember, and I must remember them. I've started making notes of things that I have to remember. The good times come creeping back in and I have to remember the crap. I have to keep moving forward.
Jeez, new job, new hair, new flat and new city. Wow, that's a lot for anyone all at once.
Just need to get passed all the stuff to get accepted for the flat. Good boss will write letter of support for me.
I got my credit card increased so I have £1500 in case he reneges on the money he promised. If he comes through then I'll just get it lowered. No harm no cost.
Lots to do this Saturday, emptying my room totally so hopefully next Friday, when he is paid, he can give me my money and I'll disappear into the night. He'll be at hers I'm sure so he'll come home Saturday for the locks to be changed and come into a CAS FREE house. He'll be happy.
Seven, count 'em, 7 days to go!

Sounds good, Cas! Best of luck!

UPDATE
Well I Am moving tomorrow and he does not know that I have my new place. I asked for the money this morning, nicely. He came back saying be at the house tomorrow at 12 and have your stuff out of my house. Oh ffs! I said if you give me the money now I'll be out tonight. He hasn't answered me. I have an awful feeling I'm going to be ambushed!

Perhaps you can get him to give you at least some of the money. And then I think you might have to cut your losses. But be careful. Your safety is the most important aspect.

Hmm...don't like the sound of that. I would still have your stuff inside when he turns up, but packed up so he knows you're about to leave, otherwise if all your belongings have gone, he might just refuse to give you the money and there won't be a lot you can do. He might threaten to call the police, but call his bluff as I don't think they'll be interested. I don't think it's that easy to evict someone and presume you can prove you've been paying rent. That money is the very least you deserve after the way he's treated you.

Good luck, cas58.

Take care, cas. I hope he gives you the money, but I agree w/ loopyloo that your safety is more important than the money. Your freedom (from him)) is more important, too.

I still think it's very unlikely you will get the money. Just leave, and cut off all ties with them both..

Wishing you luck but think you need to go soon. He's not worth it nor is his money. Have a happy life. It will come. X

Cas, let us know if you get the money but have to say my money is not on that outcome. Most of all get the hell out of there and stay safe. He is a nasty piece of work, his ex is welcome to him. Consider that to be your sweet and innocent revenge.

Update. Well he did not give me the money. I met him at 12 and he just threw accusations at me. I didn't say anything but did record him so I could remember what he said. Boy oh boy he makes me look like a mad woman! Sigh. Well I moved into my new digs and I know it's going to be alright. I will be alright.
Thank you each and every one of you for your kindness and support.
I will always believe in love. xx

Cas, so good to hear you are out of it, safe and sound, a little sadder but hopefully much wiser. Whatever it was you had with that guy it wasn't love. Take care of yourself, take some time to smoothe the ruffled feathers and best of luck with whatever is next. Please don't rush into another relationship. Find yourself first - I suspect there is someone there who is really worth knowing. ?

Sorry he didn't give you the money, cas, but glad you're out. Unless there's something you haven't told us, his accusations were probably made to cover his guilt. Best of luck moving forward!

Starlady, there certainly are some things I said and did that I'm not proud of, or ever did before and won't ever do again, but his accusations are nonsense. He can say and think what he likes I know the truth and I have a clear conscience. I don't know if it would be guilt with him, more like everything has to be his way. Heaven forbid anyone tells him what to do.
Looking back I'm not recognising me. How can one person affect someone so much?!
Well just got the new fridge and am now going shopping to fill it.
Thank you all. There has been a real weight lifted and I don't feel sick anymore. Love you. x

Sounds good, cas! Enjoy your new life!

Now you can begin to heal. Don't be tempted to keep listening to that recording. Don't dwell on what might have been. You're in a safe new place with new opportunities. Enjoy your new life.

So sorry he reneged on giving you the money Cas. I guess the lure of getting back with his ex turned his head and instead of being honest, he turned against you. I would hope, in time, he will feel a little guilty and if it does fall apart with her, I wouldn't put it past him to try to re kindle with you (you said how much you have in common).