I think I should really consider leaving

UPDATE: Hey I know I'm moving out in a few months. I'm just going to my room at night and can barely speak to him. Very polite nothing nasty, just doing my thing and he's doing his. Only, now I need kick here. Last year he had unfriended her on FB because she wasn't talking to him, and now that he's clawed his way back they're friends again on FB. Plus she is back from holiday and he's either gone to her house or he's getting her from the airport. This is driving me nuts! Somebody yell at me or something! I wish I could get out now but I want that damn £1500 he said he'd give me to help me move. I am so aware that what he does is NONE OF MY BUSINESS NOW but it just hurts. I can't stop crying right now. I feel so stupid. It seems so easy for him to just leave things behind. Somebody please give me a shake. x

Are you sure you will get the money? Why August?

If there is a good reason for him not being able to give it to you before and you really need/ want it, then hang on for the money. You accept you are just a lodger now, if you are cooking for him stop doing so or take turns. Let him do his own ironing etc
If you have any doubts about getting the money and can raise the deposit on a new rental, pack up and walk away as soon as possible, with your head held high, retaining your dignity.

I don't think you need a shake, cas58, so I'm sending you what I think you need - a hug! You can't help if you feel hurt, it's normal, IMO. But I hope you get past it soon.

Beyond that, I totally agree w/starbird. Please read her post carefully and think it over.

Start packing and make for the exit. You might wait till August and the money may not be there, then what? Ask if you can have the money up front, if not, can you have enough for a deposit. I used to joke about being the bag lady because I slept in so many different friend's places. Living in the same house as my ex after 21 years of marriage then behaving like strangers, his and hers food in the fridge, communicating through notes left on the worktop was torture. I loved him so much, but could not bear to be treated like a stranger.

In the end, you pick yourself up and one day look in the mirror and tell that girl looking back at you that she's going to be alright. You will be alright you know. Lean on your friends; lean on us. There's always a GNetter with time to listen and respond. You're not truly alone. xx

Thank you all once again. Now that I've read your comments, calmed down and cut my hair (yup went shorter) I'm feeling much stronger and stopped my wussy crying. I do believe him about the money. He is a lot of things but when he makes a promise like that he keeps them. I still have faith in him. So hopefully I'll be out before the end of June. Some highlights coming up- going to see the Spice Girls next week with friends and at the end of June the Eagles in Birmingham, on my own,
and have a room so I can have drinks. Looking forward to all that. x

Glad to hear it, cas! After all, he never said "August" - you did. He just told you how much money he would give you, so surely, it's just as likely in June.

Good, also, that you're making plans w/ friends and on your own and looking forward to them! Have a blast! And please keep us posted!

From the sound of it, you may never get the money, he is stringing you along still. Why does he make you wait longer?

Tell him you need to go in next 2 weeks and need the £1,500 now. See what he says. He may pay you to go as he is now getting friendly with his ex again.

Cas58, consider yourself well and truly shaken and probably stirred as well. He is nothing more than your landlord, time to GET OVER HIM!!! Whatever may, or quite possibly may not have ever been, it's now over, finished, done and dusted. Who else he is in contact with is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Sort out your money stuff and LEAVE - ASAP!!!!

I should have the money on 15 June. His pay day. As soon as I have that, and, hopefully the Universal Credit comes in from being redundant all April, I hopefully will have over 2k. Then, I'm gone.
Apricity, yup, all of what you said I'm so aware of it. I know it so well. I can't believe how hard/difficult this is. I actually don't recognise the girl/woman I've become in this past year. No more. Thank you. Thanks to all of you.

Well it appears he and his ex are now declaring their love. Oh for goodness sake. They're so sad. He's offered to have me stay for £300 a month. Bahahahahaah, I said I'll take the £1500 on June 15 thank you.
I've deleted all pictures of him off Face book because they're ALL LIES and I want nothing to do with him. I've also unfriended him. Let's see how long it takes him to notice. Drastic? yes maybe. It's a history I don't need to reminisce about.

Blimey! What a nerve to ask you to stay and pay rent, reduced or not! After declaring his love for someone else! I don't blame you for unfriending him and deleting his pix! (I might have kept the pix b/c they're part of my history, but that's just me.) Good that you turned down his offer and hope this gives you even more impetus to move on!

Starlady, Oh I kept the ones of me, just got rid of him. To me it was all based on lies.
On holiday of summer 2018 I always felt like he was looking behind, walking down memory lane. I asked him and he said no and then I said can we please do something go somewhere that you haven't been to before? He says, I'm a creature of habit. sigh. oh man.
Looking back I think I knew then, but I just had to keep trying, I was so into him, I just simply loved him. Hmm hind site eh?

Cas58, Hindsight or Blindsight? Love? Lust? Need? Fantasy? Delusion? Whatever it was or may have been, it never was. Leave it and say hello world. Good luck.?

I hate it when they take you down their memory lane.. Why do people do this when you're not part of that memory.. Its so annoying.

Actually I can't believe I spelt hindsight wrong. lol

" I hate it when they take you down their memory lane.. Why do people do this when you're not part of that memory.. Its so annoying."

It's selfish self indulgence. The person he is with, in this case yourself, is the person he should be attending to. Else it's discourteous.

UPDATE. Well it's very hard waiting for the clock to tick down to when I get my money. 15 June can't come soon enough. I know it's over, I know I know I know, but could he have waited for me to be gone before latching on to her and staying over night during the week and all weekend? Am I wrong? It is hurting less and less, but when he does come back I go to my room or for a drive. I just cannot bear to be in the same room as him.

He and his girl are laughing at me too, he is feeding her stories, but they're only half truths. Sure I've done some boneheaded stuff but he is making me out to be a real psycho. I'm just woman who is hurt, I'm not proud of some of the stuff I've done, not my finest moments. I've had a talk with myself too. I know what they say about me has nothing to do with me, but when you know the truth and can't do a damn thing about it. I guess I'll just let them get on with it. WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

Still haven't found a place to live, but next Tues I'm looking at a place that I would like. Close to work.
I must say it is nice with him out of the house so I've got it to myself. Messing with my bonsai's. Lovely day too.

Trying to forgive myself. I'm afraid to say what I've done because I don't want to get yelled at. I've stopped it already, but it's too late, damage is done. I already beat myself up about it all.

Once I leave here I can stop talking about it. It'll be gone. I'll have new stuff to keep me occupied.

Just having a damn good cry right now. It will pass. I'll be ok.

Oh dear! Is there a friend you could stay with until you move to a new home?

Yes I agree Alexa

DorraMarr, no, I'm afraid staying with friends isn't an option. I really need to be here anyway. I'm slowly getting my stuff together and with him gone mostly I can get on with it. So when it does come to moving there will only be a little bit. Thank you.

I know that pain, but believe me you really don't want to be with someone who can treat you with such disrespect. Funny thing, I too remember just hearing them in my head laughing at me. I knew her laugh very well as she was a former friend and colleague. I hardly remember it now. That was when I began to realise how shallow they were. You will forget too in time.

Be very glad he's NOT there at the moment as it gives you time to sort your stuff and your head. Indifference is what you're aiming for. One day he's going to be just someone you used to know. No more than that.

I hope the place you're going to see on Tuesday is nice and you feel you can begin again there. Forgive yourself for anything you may have done or said. That's in the past now. Time for a new beginning. Don't look back. Don't try to check what they're doing. This is about you now. Hugs xx

Ah Ginny42 thank you. I like what you said: he's going to be just someone I used to know. Yes. Funny thing is he is always said, with great pride, how he is friends with all his ex's. Guess I'm the exception.
I'm calmer now and just enjoying Saturday night. xx

Update: Just thought I'd share this. Background story of himself and herself. Not that it matters, but what the heck this is what he told me about her. They dated when she was 19 and he 27. She stole money from him over a period of time to the tune of £700. He got mad, confronted her and her dad threw him out of the house.

Fast forward he's married 26 years, one child. (Lovely girl too. We get along great and she hated his ex)
Herself married once, two kids and one from a relationship that didn't work.
Anyway himself searched her out when his marriage was failing. They started up again 2011, threw out wife 2012. They have 6 years together before ending it in early 2017. Ended because, and he said - She is selfish and greedy. He said they only lived together for a year before she asked for more money and he got mad and said that was when he realised she was using him for his money and moved back to his house. He said she never says thank you, never put her hand in her pocket and she got fat. Her last child has autism and he couldn't take the behaviour of the child. He told me he hated that kid. Even though he moved back to his house they still were a couple. They were off and off over the 6 years they were together. Even got engaged but he wouldn't marry her (only found this out a few months ago, he said it was none of my business)

So we meet Nov 2017 and 18 months later I'm starting over again and he's over there now playing happy families for the third time. He hasn't even told his daughter yet, it's a secret remember, but I told her and she is backing me and just going to wait and see how long it takes him to tell her. She is not impressed in the least. She's 30 happily married with a child. Lovely girl. I feel more sorry for there than me, she's stuck with him.

Wow reading what I've just written makes me realise how bloody luck I am to be getting out. They deserve each other and no, I don't think it is going to last.

He doesn't want me to talk about our situation. I don't know why, except he knows he's going to come out looking bad. But, then he is a spin doctor and making me look horrible will be his thing and already started. But what do you expect from a narcissistic, materialistic functioning alcoholic who said to me, once me old man goes I'll be sorted for money and out of debt. I said to him, you're not entitled to his money just because you're his son and he hated me for that. Plus he had the nerve to ask me, before the £1500 offer, if I had money to lend him because he was short. He wanted £100. I said no. Well of course I have it and more but I still said no. Sort yourself out man. Oh gawd I cannot wait to escape from here.

This forum has been great for me and I thank each and every one of you. I also hope that my situation might help some other lady out there who might be able to relate to this. All your comments I've read and taken on board. I've grown up a bit more too. sigh.

It's nice to know, even though I don't actually know any of you, that I'm not alone.
Hugs to you all. xx

It sounds as if he never fully got over her, no matter how critical he was of her. But that doesn't excuse his behavior towards you.

FWIW, I don't mind walks down the man's memory lane if it means that he trusts me w/ his memories, his hurt, etc. But if it's b/c he's still attached to the former love, that's a different story. Granted, you (general) can't know for sure which it is. But, IMO, if he ignores your wish to do new things, etc., then, as Alexa says, he's being very selfish.

Anyhow, I understand that it hurts that he's already running to her when you haven't even left yet. However, I'm glad that gives you time and space to get ready to move. I hope the place you're going to look at works out.

You deserve so much better than what you're dealing with now. Best of luck!

Well I guess they had a truly deep conversation about me and how psycho I am this weekend. He' just informed me he's changing the locks and wants to know when I'm moving. I have no idea when I'm moving. If this place on Tuesday falls through who knows how long before I get a place. Plus don't change the locks till I'm gone you jerkface you'll still have to give me a key. FFS.