Hi, I've just joined, because I need to share, but I'm limited where I'm able to. And among people outside family and friends, I feel, is the best place.
Anyway, basically, we have never got along with out DinL, but accepted she was our sons choice, and smiled our way over the years.
But, although they have been married for almost 13 years, and have a 9, almost 10 yr old son, our son has finally come to the realisation that his wife has been controlling him all along. She had jealousy issues with her own sister over the years, and eventually cut herself off from her own family, and tried to exasperate my sons jealousy of his sister, driving many wedges between them, which, thankfully, our daughter would mend over time. Apart from that, our son had many issues with her, controlling who he sees, and when, and making life difficult for him if he didn't toe the line. He has saved a number of Watsapp messages from over the years that back this up. And apparently she "accidentally" deleted their messages recently so it's just as well.
Our son, after talking with friends, has realised that his relationship with his wife is toxic, she ticks most of the boxes for a narcissist. And, a week last Friday he moved into a rented flat, she has since badmouthed him on Facebook, and to my brother, who I'm not terribly close to either. Not due to fallouts, but because we are very different. He seems to be listening to her more than us.
Anyway, it is finally accepted by our son that her weird "jokes" were just her way to put us down, and not just us interpreting her incorrectly.
Our son is connecting more with his sister, which he wasn't allowed to before. And after just spending the weekend visiting her, it wasn't overshadowed by the thoughts, "have I mentioned this to him?" "Will he have issues?" But, because we 3 are in a family room on Watsapp, he already knew, chatted with us, and is fine with it.
Since our grandson was born, almost 10 yrs ago, she's not had to go out to work, as out son is reasonably highly paid. He has tried to encourage her to go back to work, as she has a degree, they met at Uni, but she's shown no interest, even recently there was a recruitment fair locally, he sent her a link to, and when he asked her about it, she just said she hadn't realised that was what it was.
Now he's moved out, and considering divorce, she's starting to panic, she has no income of her own, and is starting to clutch at straws.
I know people will think I support him because he's our son, and I don't know her side, but, if anyone can take a moment to research any things regarding "living with a narcissist" you'll see how it was for him, and we can see the difference with him in just a few weeks.
Anyway, thanks for being here for me to share this. And if you have read this far, thank you again.
Sometimes you just need to offload, but there's not always a listening ear to share with. Especially when trying to explain that our 6ft5in son is in an abusive relationship with his 5ft1in wife. But, if the genders were reversed no one would question that it's an abusive relationship. one
Son's fiancee hates us - we're going to family therapy
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A level of gravitas and decorum has been lost - don't think she's a naive player