Hello Gransnet Members,
So pleased to meet you, but not so pleased about this post. I will try to be brief so here it is: My eldest son has recently returned to Canada after four years in Germany. He met and married his German wife, had two beautiful sons, found a job, got injured, received a huge disability settlement, father in law passed, got more money and is now here in Canada alone. His wife will be joining him on October, so right now he can settle in and prepare for when they arrive later on.
Reason I am mentioning the money aspect is because to get to where he is, hubby (step-dad) and I helped him out at great expense to us. He took him until he was 35 to leave the nest and I was so happy when he did. And, I felt great relief when he moved to Europe so that I did not have to deal with the manipulation anymore on how I need to help him monetarily so that he could manage to be successful and get ahead.
Now husband (step-dad) and I are planning retirement and our well has run dry. We need to focus on ourselves. Our son flew in last Thursday and I received a two line message in Messenger. Arrived safely – at Dad's (my estranged spouse). I have sent several nice messages since, and they have been read but no response. It has almost been a week! My only guess is that he is angry because we requested he pay for his food if he stayed with us (he has a HUGE and expensive appetite) or because we refused to co-sign a mortgage for when the family settles in Canada. Frankly, we are only guessing, but we know our son well enough.
I have decided to stop sending Messages in Messenger until he is ready to communicate with us. Am I wrong in doing this? My son is a 'What can you do for me type of person' and I think he is resentful because we are finally putting our foot down and saying 'no' for a change. My fear is estrangement from my two grandsons. I would love to get to know them better, but I am thinking that it may not be the case and that is my fear.
Why run to the biological father that has been so unsupportive and estranged and ignore your stepfather and mother both of whom have been nothing but supportive?
I am hurt and angry and secretively wish he would have stayed far away. Even my daughter fears that hubby and I will be guilted into dishing out again. Does anyone have thoughts on this?
Di I mentioned his owes us $16,000.00 and we have not seen a cent? It's lost to us. We know it's never coming back. He also took off with $500.00 of my Mom's money that she gave him to work on her home. Work was never done…
We have visited Germany at great expense as well and purchased furniture and toys for the babies. Ex-hubby did nothing!!!!
I am perplexed! (Shrug)
Envious of real friendship - trouble making friends
Security is now so intense - cracking down on fraud
We owe the next generation better - children in shipping containers