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Carpe diem ?

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kiki2 Thu 25-Jul-19 10:54:13

My husband does not understand the concept of ‘seizing the day’
Although well into his seventies , he lets artificial constraints like his ‘ commitment ‘ to his bellringing get in the way of enjoying life, beautiful evenings etc so for instance if he has committed to going bellringing he won’t walk in the park and have a drink on a terrace looking over the lake.
This is only one small example , there are many more I could give but the net result is that I end up frustrated and feel my life is going and I am not really able to enjoy the things I like , some of which I feel are very simple pleasures indeed so what’s wrong with wanting to do them ?
So what do I do ? Do I leave him ? Do I grin and bear it ? Or do I do the things I want to do on my own with the risk of feeling lonely ?
I really don’t know what to do and would be grateful if anybody had any advice to give me . Thank you

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Grammaretto Thu 25-Jul-19 21:31:57

Wait a minute - this sounds a bit too controlling to me. Are you just one of his bells!
My DH has a weekly commitment which annoys me quite a bit as he refuses to be flexible about it.
I am trying to fill the time with something organised for me but it isn't the same is it as just saying look here, it's a beautiful evening , can't you call off your bell ringing for once and come for a walk with me.
I hope you find a solution soon.

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lemongrove Thu 25-Jul-19 22:45:29

I have a few things (groups) that I won’t give up ( not that I have to) now and then DH has a grumble, but is mostly fine with it.However if I insisted on going out on my own every day/evening then he would be entitled to be miffed, just as you feel kiki2 a marriage means doing some things together, especially in retirement.

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BradfordLass72 Fri 26-Jul-19 06:32:04

I'm all for carpe-ing the diem and the noctis as well for that matter but this also applies to you kiki2 - it will send a gentle message to your husband that you are not prepared to stay at home whilst he's out bellringing on a gorgeous evening.

I must admit it scared me to read your query 'Do I leave him?' - were you meaning forever, or just for a stroll on a summer's eve? If the former it seems a rather drastic way of dealing with a bit of campanology. I wonder if there is more to this than just the ringing of bells? Is he becoming controlling?

Sadly, I've never had a DH to go strolling with (well, I had a DH but he was very ill) so was forced to do everything by myself. It didn't kill me and it made me a lot more confident. It may do the same for you.

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