Moaning negativity

This is a very helpful thread, thank you Peonyrose. I have a neighbour with quite serious health issues and I always thought that sharing health moans might help to lessen them for her. I am beginning to see that this may not work at all as I imagined.

BL72. So often I find myself agreeing with and admiring your level headed, experienced and sensitive responses to posts here. I think I usually do it mentally but now I'm putting it on record. Thank you for past and present thought provoking contributions. The only time you are ever 'wrong' is when I disagree with you!!! Keep up the good work. Bravo you.

A moaning nation...that's most unfortunate, as we have so little to moan about by comparison. The recent thread about 'What's good in the UK?' drew so many positive comments. The older I get, the more grateful I am for my life, family and friends, and the many benefits of living in such a nation. I can only think that those who moan (and I am not thinking of here of people whose lives are miserable and fraught because of ill health or major problems) do not read any newspapers that report on the state of the world in general. Imagine trying to bring up a family in Syria - Iran - China ; I know where I would rather be.

People who constantly moan about any and every thing are really draining - toxic as they might say on MN. On the other hand, surely all of us have the occasional (justifiable?) moan from time to time? (Waiting in for a delivery that doesn’t arrive / pouring with rain on the day of a fete you’d helped organise / BJ becoming PM, ha ha.....)

However, I’m quite surprised at your post Gabriella at 13.15 in which you say

In truth, I know no moaners.None of my friends have ever moaned about anything in my hearing, nor have I ever moaned about anything to them. Maybe it's because we have no problems and are positive people with interesting lives, that we are able to enjoy spending time in each other's company

I try to be positive generally and I lead a very interesting life and I’m sure my friends and family do, but never. ? Surprising / enviable!

Ive not heard of the British being a moaning nation,but everyone says how polite British people are,thats more positive.I dont live in the UK any more,and things like this are nice to hear.

Maybe it's because we have no problems and are positive people with interesting lives, that we are able to enjoy spending time in each other's company
Three potentially different things:
1 No problems
2. Positive people
3 Interesting lives
Might I respectfully suggest that while 2 and 3 might be within one’s powers, 1 certainly is not, but it is how you play the cards, not the hand you are dealt which makes the difference.
Many people have interesting lives, that does not render them immune to life’s iniquities. Some people do go on (and on and on) but most of us here are not so entirely devoid of sympathy as to attribute their problems to “uninteresting lives”.
Smug? ??

Lisagran
Hand on heart I can say that none of my friends (and they are different groups both M&F) have ever moaned about neighbours, illnesses, the NHS or anything to do with health, transport, spoilt holidays, bad workmanship, finances or...or anything.

We had a bit of sadness when a horse died but no moaning and we all support each other with jobs that need doing (some are electricians, plumbers, painters and decorators, builders and carpenters) and giving lifts to anyone if we are free.
Last week I watered a friend's tomato plants twice a day and we exchange duck and hen's eggs, cream and cheese from our farmer friends for home made jams, chutneys, biscuits cakes and breads or vice versa.
There isn't anyone I don't get on with, even a 23yr old who lives a few fields away gave me his phone number in case I needed shopping in bad weather and carries my bags if he's around when I'm walking home.
Why?
' Because we're neighbours' was the response.

I once worked with a woman, lovely in many ways, good fun and super friendly, but when people came in and said, oh Hello X how are you? Our hearts would sink, she could list her ailments for hours, and the worst of it was, when the next person came in, we’d start all over again!

Sara65

Oh dear ??☹
I wonder whether she had anyone at home to listen to her.

My sons say that it's only old ladies who chat to strangers and were always anxious if I chatted to people in bars or cafes, wherever...this, when I was in my 40s.
'Do you know that person?' they would ask.
My reply would be 'No'.
'Well, the way you were talking we thought you did'.
I end up knowing much more about their friends than they or the friend's parents do.
I interrogate they elucidate. ?

Gabriella

Oh yes she did!

The irony is, that I can’t remember her ever having a days actual illness

Whinging Poms the Aussies call us and have for a long time ,Moaning Brits isn't something new

I am so fed up of younger folk with children moaning about how hard life is for them. I often wonder just how much of their time is taken up using mobile phones. Suggesting that sime chores could be done after children are in bed is asking them to stop breathing. They expect to have "me" time, "us" time with everyone else helping them to achieve this. When are they going to wake up and realise children are expensive and do not allow you to be selfish. If I hear another one say "I need a break I never have any time to myself" I will scream.

4allweknow, my DIL does that.

She'll often say how very hard it is to be a mother. Once I replied that she only has two and doesn't work, has everything she wants and no money worries.

Did she forget who she was talking to? I had four, worked, was widowed and usually skint. 'No' she said 'It was easy back then, in your day!'

"... ungrateful daughter... lousy neighbors... what's the point of a lot of money when you're old..."

Sounds like she's lonely, despite a few friends, and disappointed in her relationship w/ her daughter. Maybe suffering from some form of depression. Then again, this behavior may be why her relationship w/ daughter and neighbors isn't good.

Regardless, not crazy about people who just dump on one like that. Ugh! Hope she didn't totally ruin your meet up w/ your friend.

I have two particularly moaning neighbours who (if they catch you) engage in long, one sided 'conversations'.

One reports on all her aches, pains and minor health niggles at length and in minute detail. The other has but one topic of conversation (famous people who, like himself, are Anglo-Indian) repeated, discussed ad nauseam.

If I spot them in the distance and they're not busy with another victim, I take evasive action (cross the road, turn the corner, even double back).

Once, she seemingly appeared out of nowhere at the end of the road. I swiftly turned the opposite corner, looking down and talking to the dog as if I hadn't seen her - and there he was!

I'd rather talk about real feelings than small talk. True, small talk is useful in may social situations. If I am friends with somebody I expect to share our hopes and fears and get beyond the small talk stage.

I don't understand what the difference is between so -called moaning, and expressing legitimate feelings.
Everyone has a right to feel sorrow, loss, disappointment, and anger, and to expect interest and understanding from friends.

Alexa

Some people complain for the sake of it, but you’re right, better to cut through the small talk if you’re going to have a meaningful friendship

She sounds like both of the moaning housewife characters "Cissie & Ada" as played by Les Dawson and Roy Barraclough in drag.

Ye Gods!

Alexa, there's nothing wrong with expressing feelings. The moaning becomes unbearable when it's the only way a person ever communicates. If you are given no opportunity to respond, change the subject or make any contribution to the conversation you feel simply bombarded by it, tempted, yet reluctant to be bad-mannered and simply walk away.

Hetty, I understand. Yet, I don't think I have ever met such a person. I guess if I did meet her or him I'd endure it as long as I could and try to avoid them.

In actual fact, I have more of a problem with people whose main or only topic is their own success .

Good point, Alexa. They never seem to realise how truly boring they are. I don't need an update (in detail) of their progress and success. It's so much nicer if the person is interested in your life and asks you about it.

Reading the many Brexit/Johnson threads today made me realise how all the constant moaning and pettiness on there is just so depressing, so have ‘kicked it into touch’ and will concentrate on the many other more interesting/ amusing/thoughtful threads on GN. ?
We need to seize what happiness we can, and all moaners do is to leech it away, a friend rang me at lunchtime all geared up to have an hour’s worth of ‘whinge’ ( she has no real problems at all ) and I cut the call short after 15 mins, in a nice way, but have decided I don’t have to listen to more than I want to.Life is too short to spend with life’s Victor/ Victoria Meldrews.

Good for you lemongrove. You recognised the pattern and shut it down at the right time.. 15 mins is the maximum I think anyone could endure of moaning.

How funny your last sentence Joyfulnanna- when I used to come home from work where someone or something had irritated me, my husband used to say ‘You’ve got 10 minutes to get it off your chest, then I don’t want to hear any more!’

It was actually quite therapeutic to have to précis and be done!

Thanks Joyfulnana ? ( what a great name btw)

Pantglas he was generous with the ten mins after a bad day my DH used to last about four mins before his eyes glazed over.