Moaning negativity

This is such a funny thread, loads of people moaning about people who moan - a gem of a microcosm of UK culture!

I had a neighbour like that once. She then had a stroke and never complained again!!!

I had a friend who used to say, 'Some people are drains and some are radiators,' implying she was a ray of sunshine. Then, when she had thus dared you not to say a single word that wasn't positive, she'd moan for England.

Same with my DS whio will never express any sympathy for anyone else's trouble, she won't even acknowledge they have the right to pain or misfortune as we in the west are 'lucky'. But then every word after that is of woe and complaint which sorrows invite support and comfort.

Eyeores rarely have much self awareness.

Grammaretto I think it tastes like medicine!

The most non-stop moany person I know is not a Brit. She's a European friend of my super-tolerant dd.

My other dd would have ditched her years ago.

As an Irish friend would have said, a 'Mother of Sorrows'. Nothing is ever right for her.

My mother has always been one of life’s moaners. My father used to say that he could climb to the sky, give her the moon and stars and she would say “wrong stars”! I am determined to never be like her.

I was taught as a child boasting is bad manners.

Obviously the person in question had friends to whom she would no doubt rant as well.
Just a thought though; there are many (often elderly and retired) people who live alone and may speak to no one for several days at a time. Everything just whirls round in their head and there is no release of feeling or reaction from anyone. If you know someone like that maybe it would be a kindly act to let them have the occasional rant when you see them.

I used to have a neighbour like that. Within a day of us moving in she stopped to chat to me in the garden. Within half an hour I had listened to a list of her medical complains, family members medical issues, rabbit and cat medical history. Various digs at neighbours. The previous owners of our house had stolen an inch of their (large) garden and a centimetre of their ground when they built the garage. She was only in her 30s at the time so not an old grumpy woman. She wasnt a nice neighbour. Some people are impossible and have a negative attitude to everything. I try to look on the bright side where possible.

nanamac77 you are so right, I provide a listening service for a friend who has no family of their own, I think I am saving them from a stroke sometimes. People do find they can work out their problems if they are able to say them out loud, I reckon its a safety valve thing. Obviously Peonyrose's friend did have family so I can't excuse her on those grounds - o'h dear.

Ha! You should meet my husband - that's how he starts the day!

This has just reminded me of Mrs Buttocks. My Grandma would go down to her local village every day and I'd join her on a Saturday when I stayed over. If we ever saw Mrs Buttocks we had to cross over or dive into the nearest shop. Apparently this woman had troublesome buttocks which I never got to the bottom of. Pun initially unintended.

Some people are just not self aware. Sometimes if I feel I’m moaning a bit I give myself a good talking to. I am a good listener and support a lot of friends with problems so I think the trivial moans do feel petty when there are bigger things happening for people but I guess we can all be a bit less tolerant of some things as we get older. My sister calls people drains or radiators, which I think is a very good description, and sometimes you need to surround yourself with radiators!

I’ve noticed that when I’m in a situation whereby I have to make conversation with people I don’t know I tend to resort to moan mode - I’ve only recently realised that I do it. Sometimes if conversation is stilted a moan is sort of easy territory. I am trying to stop but I only seem to do it if I’m feeling awkward because I’m generally quite upbeat.

She may not have known you found it upsetting or depressing. If we have behaved in a certain way that has been allowed to continue it’s worth having the guts to say so. My MIL was the most controlling woman who constantly moaned about everything as life certainly wasn’t to be enjoyed unless she approved. The FIL would walk away as he couldn’t fight it. She had no friends and her behaviour was alienating her from everyone. They would all moan behind her back but she needed to be told which I did one day. She was shocked and said no one had ever said what I said to her. She was past the age of wanting to change her ways but at least she was aware of the impact she was having on others. She even said she didn’t get on well with most people. Sad really as her few friends (who would feel bad to argue back)could have stopped this habitual behaviour years ago being gently honest. You could have said to the other lady you and your friend have come out to escape all your troubles by having a stress free evening together and don’t want to talk or hear about negative things with a big smile.?

Well, the builders ripping her off, the leaky gutters and the ungrateful daughter are all her own fault for allowing it to happen so you could have nipped the conversation in the bud by pointing that out to her!! You also could have told her to move if she doesn't like her neighbours as she has plenty of money or just give it away if it's no good to her. Don't be a martyr to listen to other people moaning if it spoils your day,. They will soon shut up when they think you are not agreeing with them.

I know it’s strange to moan about people who moan but they can really make most positive people feel down. I have a neighbour like that. Whenever I meet her I end up feeling miserable.She sees no joy in anything.
When her only daughter got married she moaned about it for weeks. Nothing was right. I felt so sorry for her daughter.

In truth, I know no moaners.
None of my friends have ever moaned about anything in my hearing, nor have I ever moaned about anything to them.

Maybe it's because we have no problems and are positive people with interesting lives, that we are able to enjoy spending time in each other's company.

None of us want negative people in our lives...it's draining.

Have a good day everyone ☀️??

Maybe that's where our reputation as moaners comes from Tigertooth.

I've been known to start up a bus stop conversation about the weather - which is neutral territory - and always worth a moan, and then it drifts into either local politics, (moan) transport (another moan)

If you really get going you can have the NHS, doctor's waiting times, shops closing, litter, dog poo, football results (rare) discussed before the bus arrives!

I remember Mona Lott, Tommy Handley and ITMA (It’s that man again) One of the highlights of my childhood’s week, gathering around the old valve radio for a good laugh. Comedy was much more simple and innocent in those days. Most of today’s so-called comedians are abysmal.
I try not to be a moaner, and most of my friends are brimming with positivity.
My sister, on the other hand, is a champion moaner and complainer. I long since stopped trying to help her with anything, as it was never right, and always commented on for ever after. She has, sadly, alienated herself from everyone.
As they say, “Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and you weep alone”

I recently attended a meeting of people set up by a very nice lady who was trying to form a friendship group for over 60s who might like to go to the cinema, theatre or to a restaurant.
I arrived to a room if about a dozen people and was immediately pounced on by a woman who managed in the first ten minutes to tell me about her broken marriage, her feckless daughter, how her bank account had been hacked by said daughters partner. How she was having to look after daughters child etc etc.
I came away feeling depressed and exhausted and having doubts about whether to join the group.

Unfortunately my husband seems to have turned into a constant moaner. Nothing is ever right for him. It does drive me mad and I agree it's depressing. Sometimes it helps to get It of your chest. But did your friend ask how you were?

How nice to be able to moan about the moaners on Gransnet !

A few years ago I was feeling very down due to the menopause and various other issues.
The GP referred me to a talking therapist as I refused to take medication.
She told me that I should talk to my friends if I had any problems as they keep us well like we keep them well by listening.
I responded that I soon wouldnt have any friends left if I spent all my time moaning to them and that sharing your problems with people you know is not always a wise decision.
She just looked gobsmacked !
Maybe thats why we all moan to each other. Our therapists told us to !!. Ha ha.

I used to wonder why old people always went on and on about their health - now I know! We have to find something to talk about once we have finished with the weather.