Being talked at rather than talked with

Some people here must recognise themselves! There seem to be many many people who think you want to hear every detail of their lives however boring! If they are in trouble and very distressed then it’s only kind to let them ramble on but for general conversation both sides need to contribute.

We should all make an attempt to listen more and talk less.

Basically, if you are a hard work "blood out of stone" type of converser, people will either over compensate or lose interest in you.

It doesnt mean they can't have 2 way conversations with others!

On heavens, I've got a friend like that!

If I mention something she'll often say "Oh that's like me (or ds/dg/dh)!" and then go on to talk about something that has absolutely no relevance to the comment that I made!

Oh and she is not the only person I know who does this. As a previous Gransnetter has said, it’s as if they think their lives/ opinions are far more interesting than yours (perhaps they are) but for goodness sake conversations are supposed to be a two way process !
I used to think it was because my conversation was boring but recently I have met so many people who do this to everyone.
I just think it’s their loss and don’t say anything, just let them talk and get away as quickly as I can.

phoenix I know her too!!

Well quite, conversations are supposed to be a two way process.

50% listening
But also 50% cobtributing without expecting the other person to make all the effort to drag it out of you!

"contributing"

Pantglas1
Your friend doesn't happen to live in Shoeburyness does she. If so, we know the same person ?

I’ve long said that listening is a dying art! How often have you been talking to someone you know is just dying to jump in with their story, or even on the phone to gas/electric/ water companies you’ve to tell your tale two or three times.
It happens here too, as sometimes posters don’t really read the other posts before replying, so a post could start ‘ My 6 year old granddaughter.......’, then a reply could ask what age the child is!

I know SO many people like this. I think (in my case) it's because I'm quiet and don't talk a lot that these sorts of people are attracted to me. I just find myself switching off half the time. In fact the older I get the fewer friends I have but actually I don't really care. As BakingMad says, these people talk rubbish and it's very tiring to listen to. I feel the same in that I just want to take a tablet and lie in a darkened room after being with these people.

I would pit my oxygen thief ( as OH calls them) against any of yours. Mine is Olympic standard.
One particular day I decided to time how long she was on the phone to me: 3hours that was several calls.
She answers the phone when I'm at hers ( not often) and jabbers on. I ask if I should go? She answers no, I'll only be a minute, ha ha.

Oh and I've got another friend who sends me a one-line email regularly saying "How are you?". (She doesn't really care actually). Then, when I reply, she sends me an email telling me all about herself which goes on and on and I just skim it because it's too boring to read.

I’ve long said that listening is a dying art!

However, listening is not "making the right noises"/smiling&nodding. Active listening involves actually joining in with what the petson is talking about.

"Blood out of stone" types are often rubbish listeners despite thinking otherwise of themselves. Not contributing doesn't a good listener make!

The ones who go on and on about the amazing achievements of their children/grandchildren, complete with endless photographs, are the worst.
No-one ever had such good-looking and brilliant children as theirs (apart from me, of course!)

My lovely Mum regularly pointed out that we had two ears and one mouth which made it clear we should listen twice as much as we speak. Bet she never would have believed I absorbed these wise words from her!!

The only way to deal with this is honestly.

Tell them, not on the phone, but when you see them that you are hurt because they never listen to what you have to say, but just tell all their own news and apparently even interrupt you when you try to say somethin.

It may not help, but at least you will have made the attempt.

I’ve got two ‘friends’ like this..... you answer the phone ,they say, hi how you; and before you can answer they are telling you all about their day-week- whatever. It drives me bonkers. They are the most selfish egotistical people I know. One of them goes on an on about people I don’t even know and all the relations. It’s depressing as she never actually listens to you and stays on the phone for 30 +. Then all of a sudden she says ... gotta go now, bye!! And gone!!

It’s almost an attack of (verbal) diarrhoea isn’t Saggi?

My Husband is like that, whenever we visit friends or anyone visits us the converasation always seems to revolve around him,when he worked years ago,what he does now etc I think he needs to be noticed,and praised and confirmed. I dread these visits as I have heard the same thing for years and years, I am not good at doing the same thing so I end up being "invisible"
Sympathies to Nantofran, I cant give advice.

Similarly, OP, a group of four of us went for coffee after a regular session we are all members of. One of the four was new to our group. We'd hardly sat down in the cafe when, almost immediately, one person began spouting at length about his plans for the future.

I think it would have been polite to show an interest in our new friend and perhaps ask her how she enjoyed the session we'd all just attended or how she was settling in to a new neighbourhood etc. Some people, only interested in themselves, seem to imagine that everyone else is also only interested in them!

Some people just need an ear, I have a couple of friends and they often ring for an offload as they haven't got anyone else to speak to. That is ok with me because I can do the same to them if necessary, and as I am so interesting myself we usually get back to how wonderful my life is anyway (ha ha that was a joke) I find that luckily most of my conversations are 50/50ish but if it annoys you just tell them you need the loo, and say goodbye. Strangely a lot of my friends say that to me................odd that !?!?!?!?!!?

I meet up with two friends and former colleagues every few weeks and one of them talks non stop about her own life and family and everything is ‘amazing’. My other friend and I have a job to balance the conversation with some input about our families and (not so ‘amazing)’ lives.! She is a very big hearted person ,but we do find this annoying. She is always ‘thrilled’ to see us ,so hard to back out. The other thing is that her DH ALWAYS turns up eventually and then it seems rude to leave immediately. I am widowed but my other friend still has her DH ,but he does not turn up.
We find this irritating as it is supposedly a ‘girlie’ meet up.
The friend’s DH is a nice chap, but we are not as keen to see him as his wife thinks we are. Oh dear!

I agree notanan, and I do think most people know there’s no point in ‘ making the right noises’ if you’re not hearing what the other person is saying, then when you join in the conversation they’ll know you were listening.

I have a sister like this. She does have bad health issues and every time you visit you have to hear all about the symptoms, hospital appointment, GPs and Consultants what they all said etc. It's the same conversations over and over. Add to that she's always moaning about someone as well. I used to visit twice a week but have cut it to every 3/4 weeks now as it was making me depressed

Hmmm... "a strategy" or strategies... Don't meet up w/ them too often, plan a short visit when you do, end telephone conversations as quickly as possible, communicate (if you have to) mostly by text.

But this may be key...

"I'm the type of person who has never really "put my oar" in, so I tend to just make the usual noises and let them speak. Don't know why, it really annoyed me today, but I'd like a strategy!"

Perhaps, as others have suggested, these two other people feel they need to fill in the "space" you leave in the conversation. But maybe you suddenly felt "annoyed" b/c you're no longer content w/ this. So another strategy may be to put your oar in from now on after all. If it's hard to get a word in, well, I hate to say this, but, interrupt a few times, until they get the idea that Nantofran wants to contribute nowadays. It's rude, I know, but it may be worth showing them you're more assertive now/want to be an active part of the conversation.