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Being talked at rather than talked with

(83 Posts)
Nantofran Sat 27-Jul-19 13:20:58

Very occasional poster here! Having had two telephone calls this morning from close family members, I suddenly realised that neither were particularly interested in anything I was trying to contribute to the conversations. Both were just talking but not listening, as both just carried on when I tried to join in.
Any ideas on how best to deal with situations like this?

petra Wed 31-Jul-19 22:48:00

Hetty
She phones everyone all day and all evening, that's if she's not looking at clairvoyant sites online: she 'belongs' to 14!
She doesn't read or watch tv.
notanan
She phones me when she's on holiday. When she comes home she repeats everything she's told me while on holiday.
In fact, if I'd answered the phone last night I would have heard it all again. That would be about the 4th time in less than 2 weeks since she has been back from holiday.

Hetty58 Thu 01-Aug-19 06:09:43

Oh petra, the dreaded repeating - my mother would do that a lot. Sometimes, she'd stop and say 'Have I told you this before?' I really tried my best to have patience with her.

However, my (drunk) friend leaves indignant answerphone comments like 'Don't you ever answer your phone? Call me back soon as I want to ask you something!' (and/or 'Tell you something').

There's never anything though, just a rambling monologue of all the boring little details of his day. I'm not interested - at all. When I occasionally do phone back I always remind him to just text or email please - and still it goes on!

absent Thu 01-Aug-19 06:34:06

Some of these problems result from what seems to be an increasing inability actually to listen to the other half of a conversation. One party just waits until the other party stops and then starts her or his spiel, often at a complete tangent. It's rather like the politicians on Question Time except their spiels are prepared in advance and will be delivered come hell or high water whatever anybody else on the panel or in the audience has said.

Hetty58 Thu 01-Aug-19 06:37:19

Notanan2, some of us, although we do know conversation is a give and take, two way art, just really don't enjoy chatting on the phone.

I find that people call at the most inconvenient times when I'm right in the middle of something or should be cooking dinner or walking the dog. Out of politeness, I chat with a feeling of seething resentment or put them on speakerphone so I can carry on. Sometimes I 'accidentally' cut them off (I have a dodgy phone, you know).

I much prefer text and email. People get to the point. It's almost like a written letter that can be answered when I really have time, maybe at midnight. I've been doing some decorating so I unplugged my house phone. (I still have one in case I need it.) My sister soon sent a text 'Your phone's not working!' (Oh yes it is!). I replied 'I'll have to have a look at it.'

notanan2 Thu 01-Aug-19 10:15:33

I agree Hetty but you see, the worst offenders are usually the ones who instigate the phone calls

Margs Thu 01-Aug-19 11:39:55

Don't ring off but put the phone down next to the radio......and whack up the volume!

That's the way to do it.

SilverDarlings12 Thu 01-Aug-19 12:16:28

Thankyou... Ive had a good laugh at your stories..maybe
I need to say that Im busy doing a PHD to certain phone
callers. Ha ha ..Slainte.