Divorce questions

Divorce is expensive, mine left me with over 20k of legal bills, his was double. I paid it on my credit card and then took out several zero interest credit cards and I'm gradually paying it off by transferring the balance each time interest is due. The courts will decide the split not your OH just don't let him bully you. Mine did his best to convince me I'd be destitute without him but I'm the one with the house and excellent credit rating and he'll probably work till he drops.

I went to mediation, he agreed to go too. He insisted I would have no share in his large pension, the mediators said in that case I would get the house. He went along with all this, and the mediators put it to the court, who agreed.
Then he decided he had been shafted by the mediators, and refused to pay his half of the fee to them. So they took him to court and the judge told him what a twit he was being and charged him court costs as well.
That was 17 years ago. I went on working 5 years over, having deferred all my pensions, and now I am securely comfortable if not exactly rich. And mortgage free, having downsized.
Mediators have a set price, unlike solicitors. You have to use one sometime, but if the questions are sorted they can't charge too much

Same as FFriend......divorced in 2000, after 25 years of marriage. I never ever went out to work. I was awarded the house, savings and a monthly alimony payment. I took a gamble . My solicitor asked me if I wanted a lump sum, or a monthly alimony payment. I chose the latter. But the Judge in his wisdom, awarded me the family home etc. and a monthly alimony. He knew that my husband had a 'woman', because she accompanied him to the hearings . Big mistake on his part. Judges are human

These days mediation is mandatory and you both pay as you go at each session. I thought it was a complete waste of time tbh and just a third solicitor making money with very little input. I then had a long chat with my solicitor about it who was shocked about how little we had covered. I had to write to say tbh the mediation was stressing me out more than the divorce and the remaining sessions were cancelled. I think there was meant to be six sessions at about £180 each for each session. You have to give a valid reason or you have to continue, it's a legal scam.

Absent, kicking up my heels and dancing is what I used to do, ive lost my sense of fun the last few years. I always said I wouldnt turn into his parents and here we are, him in the pub or his office, me keeping the cat company. He is spiteful like his father and I am determined not to be a scared shadow of the woman I once was like his mother became. I am sick of being a grumpy cow permanently wound up waiting to pop. I spend so much time alone Im not bothered about living alone but the finances do scare me and no way could I pay off large credit card debts, I dont earn enough. I will read the links posted, thanks to those that put them up, and try and get as much as possible from first solicitor meeting. He needs to do checks to ensure he can work for me (be a shock to find oh got there first ) but I think OH will use his family solicitor. While he is away this weekend I am going to see what paperwork I can find in his office, although most gets shredded. Thanks all for help so far x

It's going to be so worth all the hassle for your future enjoyment and peace of mind. You have put a lot of work into the marriage and supported him in his success so deserve half of everything. Here's to future happiness!

I seem to be in a similiar position - hubby retired I'm still working 2 days a week. To be honest I'm only staying at work because I'd dread to be at home with him 24/7.
Seems to constantly argue about anything no matter how small, does nothing but moan. No affection at all, I feel trapped financially.
I think he has depression (he did suffer from this previously) but if it is this its not like before. I feel I can't do anything right, and once the argueing starts I have to walk away or his temper seems to get worst. I've tried to talk about our relationship and how I feel but he won't decuss it.
Any advice?

You WILL get 1/2 his pension and he 1/2 of yours:

"As part of the process of divorce, the assets of a marriage are assessed so that they can be divided between the couple. Divorce pension sharing now means that pensions are included in the total value of marital assets. It allows one person to get a percentage of the total value of the other person's pension." Google "pension sharing order" divorce-online