Criticism

I do think it is wise to ask the parents if you plan to bring something. They are the ones who have the responsibility of bringing the children up; and their rules apply.

Our young GCs live quite a distance away and we only see them about 6 weekly, so I do usually take them something like books from Oxfam, which they can recycle when they've finished with them and also usually make a cake. I think it depends on parents wishes and how often you see the children. I suspect daughters in law may be more prickly about this than daughters, because of what has been the norm in the family?

My daughter use to be rigid about what my grandson wore, so would be strict about what clothes I was allowed to buy him. She's relaxed as he's got older though. She mocks what she calls my dungaree addiction (I LOVE Boden and Osh Kosh dungarees) but leaves me to it.

I never visited my gc with treats, well there was 5 of them, I didn't even buy Easter eggs as they were given plenty by others. So I treated them in different ways, with weekends away camping or days out.

I also kept clothes at my house for their visits as my son allowed them to pack their own clothes for trips away. A fairy dress is not suitable wear for a camping weekend.

I always liked Osh Kosh as well and my step daughter wasn’t fond so had to restrain myself....!

How often do you see the children? What are you taking?

If you turn up daily bearing sweets or clothes or toys or bottles of wine (for parents) or big boxes of food, yes you are being too generous and 'Too generous' is a polite way of saying, step back you are treading on our toes and encroaching on land that is the land of the parents.

I f you visit every month and turn up with a dress for your GD and a game for GS and win for the adults, then I think that is OK.

Yes I agree on the sweets etc it’s never sweets. For the children it is usually a book (once a month) or a gift from a trip- something I know they’re ‘into’. Always v small.
For adults might be bottle wine if we’re there for dinner, or a cake or a lasagne......
Being too generous was definitely a criticism - ‘we don’t need your help / we can cook / we can afford stuff’ etc
I’m sure it’s linked to my son needing to be in control, my daughter in law is less hard line.
Absolutely NO birthday presents for GD’s first birthday next month is the latest- she has everything she needs already.

It could be control, but also, it's becoming far more normal now for people to just see how senseless and materialistic some of our lives are.

Perhaps they're following a more eco friendly approach to life?

Sevenup
How about redirecting generosity where is needed? Homeless shelters, hospitals, volunteering, etc.

Sevenup, try and the feedback positively. They just want the pleasure of your company, no price of admission.

Whatever their reasons for it wanting gifts, it’s their home, their family and their household.

I wouldn’t think you’d want to ruin a lovely relationship over a few gifts.

Just be happy they want you to visit, empty handed