Confront sister about greed or let it rest

However, how might your sister's perception vary from yours? Did she live closer perhaps? Was she more involved with your mother's care than you were? Does she feel more entitled to the lions share?
I'm only suggesting that you look at it from her point of view.

It's just stuff as MissA says.
Somehow my mother missed out on any of the stuff that should have come to her but I realise that now, at my age, I would be wondering what to do with it.

If there is one piece that has sentimental memories for you, perhaps you could ask your sister about it. She could, of course, decide that that is the particular piece that she wants .

It depends on your outlook really. Some people place great value on possessions and have sentimental attachment, some don't. I tend to the view that people and memories are the most important thing and in 100 years, or less, it won't matter anyway. Do you think a showdown with your sister will help you to feel better, happier and justified?

I had an uncle who took absolutely everything when my grandad and nana went into a home. He never offered anything to my mum or to my brother and I - though there wasn't really anything we wanted. We commented at the time how 'grabbing' he and his wife had been.

When my mum died he asked for things of hers which he thought should have come to him. One item had been given to me by my mother and has sentimental value to me (as well as possibly monetary value). Thankfully my mum knew I'd always loved it and gave it to me when she moved into sheltered accomodation, so it was already in my home 200 miles away when he brought the subject up! The other item I would have happily given him but we didn't know where it had ended up. My uncle told a very different story about the item I have, compared to the history my mum had always told me, to justify why he should have it. I think he thinks it may be worth something! I will always keep it though as it was special to me and to my mum. If it is worth anything my own kids can sell it when I'm gone as I know it means nothing to them.

Unfortunately some people only see £ signs when it comes to inheritance and it is sad that family rifts result. I don't know if my uncle resents me having the item I have but I know I didn't take it for the wrong reasons so if he does, it is his problem.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

good advice Gonegirl. Have a go at saying that very casually and also say something like, "I would love to have some of mums things." Good luck, cheers.

These things happen in so many families and cause huge and lasting feelings of anger, resentment and so on. My husband’s grandmother in old age gave things out to her family and gave his mother a gold watch to give to him and a gold locket to give to our daughter. But his mother kept them for herself. It was hurtful that that gave her more pleasure. What hurts is often the emotions attached to this rather than the things in themselves. I loved three plates his grandmother had and she offered them to me but I couldn’t bring myself to take them from her dresser and when she gave up her house my husband’s aunt took them. His grandmother made her give me one. But this aunt then looked after her mother very faithfully for many years. The plate gives me pleasure because I loved my husband’s Nan and I remember the love she gave us all when I look at it. A different watch Nan gave us when she found out about the purloined one, sits in a drawer. These people are long dead and the objects no longer seem to have the importance they had. I am of an age to soon be passing on my own objects. The best thing you can leave people is the memory that you loved them. I think this is what hurts people, these objects become symbols for love or the lack of love.

One day your greedy sibling will realize what she has done. May be not know but it will happen. Its called karma x

I’d let it go. Sing the song from Frozen!
??

Some people are more materialistic than others. Such is life.
x

OMG this rings true in so many families including mine and husbands. What is worse is that my sibling didn’t follow the terms of the gifts in the will and I was furious and now we don’t speak so another relationship goes. Money is the root of all evil, I’d rather have love of good family and friends. I don’t want to have family squabbling so I will distribute my valuables to children and grandchildren when I think the time is right, god willing I don’t go suddenly and without time to sort stuff.

As someone who has tended to hang on to things with often very vague family or emotional connections, often in lieu of any real emotional connection, I have finally realized that, in the long run, it is only "stuff."

If a relationship is important to you go for the relationship not the "stuff".

It's not just stuff though is it? It's the unfairness too. The op seemed to indicate finance - so money?, and the stuff has real value that the nephew now wishes to realise. I would say something for your own peace of mind.

You'll end up with no sister and still no things. I think this is a lose/lose situation if you choose to confront.

You need to stop looking at it as “your share”

These things never belonged to you. They were your mothers.

In a perfect world, you’d have gotten half, but the world is far from perfect.

Confront your sister if you’ll feel better, but you need to work on letting it go, for your sake. If you let go the relationship with her too, then so be it.

Greed is a horrible trait, it's like a disease and has ruined many a person's life. It's usually those who don't need anything that are the most avaricious-----hence the word, greed !
I have a few tales to tell, but I won't bore you to death.

Contrary to popular opinion, if I was in your place I would say something, and next time she admits to her greed tell her maybe she should give some back, but that is just my opinion.

My best friend's mother recently had to go into a care home and her flat had to be emptied and sold to help pay care home fees. Friend has a sister who lives at the opposite end of country and, in the last 20 years, has only visited their mother a handful of times and has had no input into her 24/7 care or choosing an appropriate home for her; this has fallen entirely to friend.

As soon as sister became aware that the flat was being emptied, she arrived at their mother's flat, let herself in and cleared it of anything of value; war medals from their father, jewellery, small items of value etc. She did it within a couple of hours, saying nothing to my friend and had vanished with the everything of value before my friend even knew she'd been in the area. She left the flat in such a mess whilst she'd ransacked the place that my friend thought their had been a burglary and was about to the call the police. It was only cctv footage from the concierge of the flags that they discovered the culprit.

There's seems to be no depth too low that some people will sink where money is concerned.

Let it go, remember the happy times and forget the ‘stuff’ however precious or fond of it you are/were. Your children won’t want it or value it in the same way you do and as the old saying goes..’shrouds don’t have pockets’.

This so often happens in families - one expects more in possessions from parents than the other - happened with two of my cousins - both now have nothing to do with each other.
I think you have to come to terms with the fact that those items have gone, whatever and whoever has possession.
Now decide if you want to get closer to your sister - I get the feeling that you don't - just in case some of your possessions given to you by your mum get weaseled away!
Personally, I'd keep her on the same terms as you are now - don't think you will ever trust her, sister or not and I wouldn't have any problem telling her why !

I wonder if it’s more to do with how loved you felt? There has been great inequity in my family with my sister who was much closer to my Mother than I, ensuring that she has been the major recipient of my Mother’s possessions. In reality it is just stuff though, and now that my Mother is dead and my sister has ended up estranged from most of the family (including her son and grandchildren) I count myself really fortunate to have had a loving relationship with my Father and Grandparents as well as having good relationships and spending a lot of time with my children and grandchildren. It’s the quality of the relationships we leave behind us which seem, to me, to be the most important and enduring things.

If you had let go I don’t think you’d be writing this. So telling you to let go seems a bit pointless. What I would say is two things a) confrontation doesn’t have to be nasty or aggressive and b) I would never allow anything to divert my truth. So I would be smiling chatting and drop truth in in very small doses for example ‘ x ( your son) seems to be itching to get his hands on mums stuff doesn’t he ? Not even his ! ‘. Or ‘we both know what you did i don’t like to think of you as that sort of person really’. Well I’m disappointed you’re not the person I thought you were’. ‘ when we were children I thought you were loyal .

What sort of relationship can you have if it depends on lies and you ignoring the elephant in the room. Even if you don’t ask for half, at least let her know what your truth is which can be said very matter of fact.

I confronted my mum about an inheritance issue so quietly she wasn’t sure she’d heard me right. I said ‘you might not have given me anything of my dad and GP ( dad side) but I think it has brought you bad luck ( she has lost a huge fortune in her life, and is left with very little) . I’m not nasty but I’m not going to pretend I think it’s fine.

Sorry, but I would probably have it out with her in no uncertain terms, tell her what a grabbing cow she is, and then don’t give her another minute’s thought. But that’s just me...

What is done is done. Think of the future. would you rather go to your grave having caused a family division which may go on for generations or have been generous enough to accept your sister's actions and keep a reasonable but not close relationship with her.

In our family we still have a childless second or third cousin who believes a maiden great aunt and her mother spent the family's fortune which should have been used to support the cousins widowed grandmother!!!

I have had a genealogist search for the money through looking at wills. There wasn't any!!! The maiden great aunt's mother had a trust fund from her father that only she could use on her needs, due probably to the fact that her husband was hopeless with money and had none hnce his son had none and when his son died there was no money for the widow.

Just amazing how this cousin still hates my dead great aunt!!

I can sympathise with your resentment. I actually got a friend to buy back off ebay stuff my sister in law was selling of my mother's. My mother recently died and my sister won't even let me have copy of will. I just think myself and my daughters were given things by my mother through her life as I understand from your post you were too. Please try for your own sake to stop thinking of the unfairness. Your sister doesn't feel anything about this as you have contact and relationship. I haven't got a relationship with my sister as I can't accept all she's done. You can be like me and breathe easier as she isn't in your life or value your sister in your life and all you have had from your mother and lock the resentment away.

Hubby's brother did exactly the same thing. We were away when his dad died and when we got back the whole house had been cleared, with most of the stuff having been sold. The only thing we had was a grandmother clock which has pride of place on our living room wall. the same thing happened when his mum died. they cleared everything of value from the house, one evening, without telling hubby that they were going there. Just move on, because if you don't the strained relationship you have now will develop into a chasm which you won't be able to close.