I could never have imagined this situation

Is there any chance there’s another woman involved?

I don't think he knows what he wants . By what you are saying he doesn't want to be in France and he doesn't want to be with you in England . I think there's more than health issue's going . I think you both need to sit down and have a frank talk . Good luck .

If you are of retirement age and receive a U.K. state pension you are entitled to use the NHS services in the U.K. at any time even if you are living in another EU country. You obtain your EHIC card from the U.K. and not your host country. This man is quite entitled to use the NHS services.
People are also entitled to use optician services in U.K.

As he is so ill how does he manage to travel back and forth to these appointments? In France he would get great free treatment and transport to and from any appointments.

I’m another reader puzzled by this. You say you can’t afford to go with your husband, but travel between France and England can be very reasonable. I rarely pay more than £50 return for my regular trips. Often much less. (Good old Ryanair).

I agree with nezumi, Ramblingrose.

I know someone who, although he knew he was having a heart attack, made his wife drive him all the way back to Newcastle from North Wales, because he felt safe here. (He survived)

I also agree with others who have suggested you need to think of your own future as well as OH’s. Do you and your OH really want to continue to have France as your main home? Where do you want to be in 5 years’ time?
If OH still wants to regard France as home, he needs to accept that that is where he’ll need to access medical care.

Good luck

He’s not getting younger and realistically his health issues are going to stabilise at best, worsen more realistically

So I think the decision will be taken out of both of your hands

He will have to make a decision whether to have his health treated in uk or France and then you both move or stay accordingly

And I suspect the decision will be made sooner rather than later

I take it your DH is born and bred UK.?Have you not considered he wants to return to the UK discounting any ideas there may be another ! in his life but after six years, hardly a lifetime, in another country the UK is his home and that is where, more so now he has serious health issues, is where he may want to spend the rest of his days.?
You may not want to give up your present lifestyle but need a decision.Carry on as you are which is not ideal, talk to H, and if he wants to make his visits to the UK a permanent move the decision has to be yours. Do you stay where you are or follow.?

He has aristocratic aspirations and wants to be like the Duke of Edinburgh - most of the time in one of their houses while the Queen is in another

I'm thinking that the lure of the UK is getting stronger for him than living in France. What would happen if you were to say that you want to come back to the UK?

And OP I know you think your DH is entitled to use the nhs

But he’s actually not.

*If you're moving abroad on a permanent basis, you'll no longer automatically be entitled to medical treatment under normal NHS rules. This is because the NHS is a residence-based healthcare system.*

Nhs website

And will he even be entitled to use french healthcare post Brexit?

Lived in France for 6 years probably with the intention of living out his days there and registered as French resident. Where are all the appointments sent? Surely the NHS must question why if they are sent to France. Or does your DH say he receives them via email which would be unusual. You do know anyone can mock up a letter heading to look like an official letter. Just trying to cover all bases. Also all the strain of travelling to and fro for appointments must surely be detrimental to his health. I would be seriously concerned about his behaviour, private nature or not. Why not just turn up at one of the appointment times without letting him know you are going. Would he be happy if you behaved the same way if you had health issues?. Or would he expect you to use the French health system as residents, you both should.

Someone who is very ill wouldn't be channel hopping twice a month for years.
He's not hospitalised, is able to travel alone without any health restrictions barring his flying back and forth and this has been going on for some considerable time.
If you are '*very ill* you wouldn't be in a fit enough state to do all that travelling.
What exactly is wrong with him that takes years to diagnose and years to find a solution?
I think he's enjoying the attention and can throw in his 2 cents worth.
It wouldn't wash in France.

Maybe the hospital letters are sent to his sister's address and when appropriate, forwarded to him in France or opened and screenshot by sister and emailed to him.

Much as I sympathise with you for your husband’s strange behaviour, what shouts at me is why is he using the NHS when the UK isn’t good enough to live in?

Very perceptive GabriellaG - is there more going on here than meets the eye?

Interesting BBFace
And OP I know you think your DH is entitled to use the nhs
But he’s actually not

If you're moving abroad on a permanent basis, you'll no longer automatically be entitled to medical treatment under normal NHS rules. This is because the NHS is a residence-based healthcare system

And adding these points together....I think OP and her DH need to have a serious conversation.

You must feel alone and upset. You need to find someone to talk to a friend or some counselling it’s you as well that’s going through this too. He’s being selfish.

I remember a similar case on Gransnet previously with very similar circumstances concerning a husband who was spending considerable amounts of time in the UK dealing with family issues, and excluding his wife; there was some reason the wife couldn't stay with the in-laws. It sounded suspicious at the time, and it sounds suspicious now.

I think you should insist on accompanying him at least once; his illness has implications for your future together, and to exclude you like this is clearly very hurtful. See exactly what is going on in England; something clearly is.

I hate to be brutal, but the OP says they have virtually lived separate lives for the last three years so, maybe it is worth making that a more formal and permanent arrangement?

Perhaps, if that is suggested, it might make him realise what he is doing and how it is hurting RamblingRose. He will either change his attitude and be more considerate or agree that is the best solution.

Some confusion over access to the NHS see post from Welshwife

RamblingRose Your OH refuses to be treated in France because he does not speak French after living there 6 years that is an insult to your host country and he should be ashamed.

After 3 years it’s now time to put yourself 1st as DH is not considering your feelings whatsoever, just doing his own thing, whatever it is, while you sit at home worrying and upset. I personally wouldn’t accept any of this behaviour. Listen to your inner feelings and act on them. Always remember that your feelings are just as important as his, and if he is not thinking of you, why are you not entitled to do the same. Are you protected financially if anything happens etc you need to think practically too. Good luck ?