I could never have imagined this situation

Bbbface. If the OPs husband is receiving a U.K. State pension he IS able to access the NHS quite legally. As I wrote in my previous post your EHIC card must be issued by the U.K. and not the host country. I assume that he accessed the French healthcare via an S1 form - only issued to UK pensioners and shows that the U.K. repays the healthcare of the person concerned.

Rambling rose has asked for support. Why the nasty tone of some of these posts?

What an awful situation for the OP to be in. On one hand shes saying they cant afford to do certain things but then on the next that her husband is making regular trips to the UK/staying away from home. Even if he is staying with relatives I assume hes contributing to their costs as well as maintaining another home. Ridiculous.

This is a very difficult situation for you. I think you should explore in your mind and perhaps write notes of each possible outcome/option you can think of bearing in mind all the ideas that this thread suggest.

also is he died what happens to you and your property in French law.

When you are fully briefed then hopefully you will be clearer which path you intend to take.

all the very best.

I think if Ramblingrose has never entertained the thought that there may be ulterior motives for her husband spending so much time in UK and excluding her it probably has been quite a shock. Nevertheless I too am of the opinion that there is more to this story especially as it has been going on for 3 years now, one way or another.

Is there any way you can speak with your in-laws RR? I suppose it depends on how you all get on but I think I would say something like "Hi, am coming over next week as a surprise for DH, is it o.k. for me to stay with you?"

See what the response is?

OR you could just turn up? "Surprise"

Either way, I would have to know exactly why my husband seemed to prefer living apart from me (which is technically what he is choosing to do?) There is one thing being private and wanting to go to appointments alone but it is another when you don't want to spend every other minute you can with your partner. Also, from my experience of NHS, it can be weeks from an initial appointment to follow up and subsequent follow up appointments? You say it isn't worth him returning home for a few days?

As everyone else says - not wishing to upset you in any way at all - but something just doesn't add up correctly. Do you have any other relatives to help you out if in-laws are a no no? Good luck.

If your husband is using his brothers UK address as his home address while having his hospital treatments I would have thought he would need to be registered with a UK GP as well. When I started having cancer treatment a couple of years ago, I received a letter from the consultant who had confirmed the diagnosis telling me that a copy of this same letter had been sent to my GP. During my treatment a complication arose were I had to start having daily injections, I was given a two weeks initial supply by the hospital pharmacy and told my GPs surgery had been emailed with the details. On discharge from an operation I had the district nurse for several days, this also had to be done via the hospital liaising with the GP surgery.
I am sorry for the situation you are experiencing but I think that either your husband doesn't really like living in France anymore and is reluctant to say so, or has an ulterior motive. I agree with the poster who worked at the opticians and says how shocked some expats living in Spain were when they discovered they could not even qualify for an eye test even though paying into our system for years.
If you are now paying health insurance in France your husband's treatment would probably be done much quicker than here in the UK.

He has a heart condition. He is scared and the last thing he wants is stress...and to him that means being treated back home in the UK where staff automatically speak English. He feels embarrassed that this is not rational, he knows it is illegal therefore is using family UK address ...he doesn't want to involve you in that subterfuge knowing that it would bother you and you reasonably expect him to be treated in France. He has dug himself a deep hole. But he has gone to his comfort zone and that is the NHS. Rationality and legality doesn't come into it. He is still emotionally tied...but the one thing that grates on that explanation is why he doesn't want to move back to the UK with you? Is it because he doesn't want to disappoint you? That he is half in love with your retirement dream? People are complex. If you can understand that and let it be, it probably would be the kindest. Don't fret too much, know you are doing your best for his needs...as odd as they are.

I'm with you mumofmadboys. This seems the case many a time unfortunately.
Ramblingrose 47, just take advice from those being helpful

I think there is still a status patients can have as 'temporary resident' when they can access NHS emergency and GP services when they are away from home. How 'temporary' the patient is must I suppose be investigated if the patient keeps coming back from France for more treatment from the NHS.

Good post Rocknroll.
I don’t know why, when people ask for support, some posters imagine worst-case fanciful scenarios and twist the knife in the wound.

I dont understand some of the replies to the OP,s post.
She has stated that her husband wanted to be in the UK for a time to be near his mum who had dementia. I cant see anything wrong with that.
He now travels back for medical treatment and stays with his sister. Perhaps having lost his mum he now wants to see more of his sister. Loss can affect people like that.
She also says he will accept treatment in France later if necessary.
They have a lovely home and friends in France and he doesnt want to return to live in the uk permanently.
They are not living separate lives. He shares details of his medical apt.s with her. They are separated some times because they cant afford to both travel, but not separate lives which is a different thing.
Why assume he is living a double life ?
If we were talking about a woman doing these things eg being with her mum, sister and wanting treatment in her home country would we not think her husband a bully for trying to prevent this ? Why always think the worst ?

When I went to A and E at the Moorfield Hospital - the first think they wanted to check up on was whether I was UK resident and entitled to free treatment. I think you have to be resident in UK for at least 3 months as British Passport holder before you can use NHS. NHS loses billions(?) on ''health tourist''.

For heaven’s sake. NHS loses billions(?) on ''health tourist''
Someone who has worked all their life in the UK, paid tax and NI, is in receipt of a U.K. pension but has chosen to spend some part of their retirement in France is not a ‘health tourist’!

For your own sake next time he is home tell him what you have told us. Have an idea of how you want things to be. If he still can't or won't consider you at all you are going to have to think carefully about your position. I think he sounds scared, understands the system under the NHS and feels safer in England, if that is the case maybe you do need to consider a move.

You say your husband has a medical background, did you mean he is a doctor?

If so, this might well explain his unwillingness to let you attend hospital with him. My father was a doctor and although he latterly did accept that I accompanied him to hospital, as he was in a wheelchair, I think he would have preferred my not being there, but as he was not fluent in Danish, and not all doctors here are fluent in English, he put up with my services as interpreter.

A doctor, perhaps especially a physician, may not be able to confide his worries to his wife. I visualise a long line of doctors' wives agreeing with me here. Sorry as I am to say it, I don't think you will change him on this point.

Has he always tended to be secretive, or is this a new thing? If it is new, it could perhaps be a sign of the onset of dementia, but are there any other signs?

You may already have done this, but in your place, I would tell him exactly what you have told us, and say that you do not want this situation to continue. I would also work out exactly what all his journeys to the UK are costing , then work out a budget of your household expenses and of your joint income and put it in front of him.

As you cannot afford to go with him, you really cannot afford him to go on using money in this way, so now is the time to revise your expenditure. Otherwise, you might well find yourselves in debt.

A lot of people (not only men) become increasing selfish the older they get, and ill- health seems to accelerate their selfishness. There is little you can do about that, except point out that his attitude is making a difficult situation harder for you.

Language is a barrier when health issues arise, could you afford to pay a professional medical interpreter if he seeks treatment in France? It is perhaps a solution worth looking into.

I hope you find some solution to the problem.

I have no idea whether he is entitled to use the NHS or not, but look out for trouble when or if Brexit becomes a reality!

Oh dear, I hope some of the comments haven’t scared you off.
I’m sorry to hear of your situation. Could you maybe rent out your home and then rent in UK?
Hoping it goes well for you both.
Have a good outcome.

janeainsworth - I should have said ''millions'' ( not ''billions'' ) of course. Report dated 26/08/19 says the NHS is owed -£150,000,000
by health tourist. Two London hospitals alone are owed £28,000,000 between them by people who are not residents. One women owes £500,000 for birth of twins.
The man referred to here is described as having moved to France - so he is not a UK resident whether he has paid UK tax etc or not. My understanding is that one has to be fully resident in UK for 3 full months AND be living in UK before using free NHS i.e. not ''living in France''. This is based on my own personal experience - perhaps some UK hospitals are not as rigorous as other. I should have thought OP needs to be aware of this situation.

It wasn’t the millions vs billions I was taking issue with Bingo. It was your suggestion that someone who has paid U.K. taxes all his life is somehow scrounging on the NHS.
If I stayed with my son in America for 4 months and then returned to Britain and needed medical treatment, would that make me a ‘health tourist’ in your eyes?

This issue has been discussed before under a different name; the poster received similar advice and appears not to have followed it.
Marriage is for 'sickness and in health' and she needs to find out exactly what her husband's condition is from those who are treating him, so that she may make preparations for the future.

I agree with Bluebelle. Your husband should be using the French medical system not the NHS. My husband also has a serious heart condition but has now waited 5 months to see a consultant. Perhaps if overseas residents didn't take advantage of our NHS services he wouldn't have to wait. I understand that this is not what you wanted to hear but it appears that your husband is stubborn and selfish by not including you in everything and also by taking up NHS appointments which should only be for entitled people - not French residents. The E111 card (or whatever it is called now) is for emergencies only.

I do not very often post on here but I do read many of the topics raised. I am amazed by the number of you who are telling the OP that her husband using the NHS when he does not live in UK is illegal. Welshwife has pointed out twice that it is perfectly legal. The rules have changed for those of you who keep insisting that they are right but obviously know nothing about this.
The changes basically enable our pensioner ex-pats living in Europe to come back to the UK and use the NHS as if they were still living here. This is relevant to those in receipt of a UK state pension, living in another EU country who have their healthcare paid for by the UK by means of an S1 registered with the health system of the country they are living in. This change was implemented in April 2015.
So please stop keep telling the OP that what her husband is doing is illegal

Well said Helena.

Jaylucy you can get free treatment if you're a dual passport holder. It gives you the option of having the benefits that each country has to offer---ours being the NHS.

My family hold a UK and Australian passport---it's handy.

But it’s not just about the nhs the husband was over here for long periods with his mum who had dementia now she has died he is ill and can only be treated here This man is either being dishonest and really dislikes being in France or he has other interests in Uk
eazybee I knew I had read this before with much the same answers I m sure most answers were to get it on the table and find out why
rose by reposted the same problem I think you are desperately looking for support and answers that all is well with your long distance marriage I think it’s a really difficult situation for you, have you ever tried saying ‘let’s stop all this travelling and move back’ I wonder how that would go down