I could never have imagined this situation

Maybe your DH has said no to your offer to move back to the UK because he doesnt want to part you from your good friends in France. Sorry to say this but he could be thinking that if he doesnt survive his heart condition then at least you would be settled in the country you prefer and living near friends to support you. He might actually be thinking about what could be best for you in the longer term.

Rose's husband will be paying tax on his pension and if he was a GP he will have paid and will continue to pay plenty of tax. Of course he is entitled to NHS care.

We have explained that momb but there seems to be some resentment about our entitlement to NHS care.

It’s quite fair and legal for us to use the NHS which we have both paid into all our working lives.

It is actually not!

If he decided tomorrow to move back to the UK permanantly he would instantly be eligible to use the NHS

But while he does not want to make the move permanantly and keeps your home abroad as his permanant residence he is commiting fraud and could be presented with a hefty invoice as soon as nhs managers get wind! (if he is indeed doing what you say, I do think it sounds like a second family situation)

Rose's husband will be paying tax on his pension and if he was a GP he will have paid and will continue to pay plenty of tax. Of course he is entitled to NHS care.

You may think he should be entitled, but he is not.

Eligibility goes on residency not citizenship or past tax payments

You may not agree with the eligibility rules, but so long as his permanant residence is elsewhere, he is only entitled to gp & a&e, not inpatient or long term treatment

UK citizens who are ex pats can and do get caught out and invoiced

This discussion isn't helping Rose. She has not asked if her DH is entitled to NHS care. Perhaps we should stick to the problem Rose wants help with.

Is he attempting to live completely separate lives but not actually leave you?

Some people still insist they know best. I have quoted the rules as they were changed in 2015, yet some of you still insist you are correct by saying he is committing fraud. Get your facts right before insisting you are correct

I am very sorry to read of your situation RamblingRose47.

My husband developed heart problems in 2012. I really feel for you living with this fear, once my husband was diagnosed I didn't like to leave him alone for any length of time. As we slept apart following his diagnosis, I was always worried when he got up late. Tragically he died of a heart attack whilst I was out of the house walking our dog in May 2016. I still feel so shocked that it happened so unexpectedly, he seemed so well that day.

I hope you have a chance to tell your husband that you love him dearly, are scared something may happen to him when you are apart, and come to some arrangement to reduce these times of separation.

I was at my local hospital last week
On the wall large sign states if you live in another country it is ILLEGAL to obtain nhs treatment unless you pay for it

What will happen when uk leave the EU? He won't be able to get free care here then. Unless of course he willing to deceive the NHS by saying he is resident here.

Helena I believe you are refering to S1 entitlement which is a way of retirees resident country to reclaim costs. It is a reciprocal arrangement. It means that the NHS provide the care but do not pay for it. The resident country pays. So its not an entitlement to NHS funded healthcare as such! The OP says her husband is not funding his care through their resident country's system so if the NHS is footing the bill, not just providing the care (but being paid) that is fraud.

I assume that he has S1 entitlement and see no problem at present:

'UK state pensioners who live elsewhere in the EEA will now have the same rights to NHS care as people who live in England. This applies to all pensioners who receive a UK state retirement pension and registered for healthcare in Europe with an S1 form.'

www.expatnetwork.com/expats-have-to-pay-for-nhs-care/

RamblingRose47 I can understand what you are going through in terms of semi detached living. My husband is a doctor, I'm a nurse. We moved to France ten years ago when my husband retired. I was only in my mid fifties and very soon became antsy not working, I couldn't get a job in France, certainly not nursing as my spoken French wasn't good enough. Having decided I was finding it hard to settle and my husband wasn't convinced he wished to stay, we bought a flat in the UK, in our old home town and I returned to work. We decided to sell our French house, he remained in France and we were living apart for three years till we sold the house and moved back to the UK. During those three years my husband used to come over for a week every month or I went over for a long weekend. It worked amazingly well for us. Regarding the health system, I echo your comments. When you retire to the EU....and have paid your dues all your working life into the NHS you most certainly are allowed to use it. The French health system is usually much better, shorter wait lists or none at all and they don't have NICE deciding which drugs can be used...if there is a drug, and it can help you, they will prescribe it. But it sounds like your husband knows the NHS and feels safer using a system he knows. No one can know what its like in another persons marriage...it sounds like he is very private and will only share what he feels comfortable sharing. I think the advice you have been given regarding deciding where your future may lay if anything does happen to your husband, is good advice. Good luck.

This comes on the back of he spent months on end with his mother for whatever reason he doesn’t want to be in France whether it’s France or whether it’s his marriage he wants to be in UK doesn’t he? Surely that’s obvious
First it was his mother now it’s his bad health how good can all this travelling be doing a man with a bad heart can he get insurance for regular flying with a worse than we thought heart condition
You ve suggested BOTH coming back to uk but he doesn’t want that either This isn’t comfortable thinking but surely it’s entered your head that he wants to be in UK but alone
I do hope you can get something sorted out one way or the other

I am baffled as to how the husband manages the travelling if the heart condition is serious. There are days when I have to go to hospital appointments and I can barely manage the ten minute car journey let alone get on a train or plane.
My DH always attends his hospital appointments and procedures on his own but it is to save me the sitting around for hours especially when I was vulnerable to infection.
Maybe he is considerate and trying to save her from worrying but that behaviour itself causes worry.

RamblingRose do you get on well when you are together?
You need to explain to him how you feel about the long separations, and ask for his help in what you both can do about this.

His wish not to move back to the UK could be because he wants to regard this illness as something temporary, after which he will resume life in France.

As your husband is open with you about his health, has he told you if his condition is expected to resolve and/or what its long term progress is likely to be?

Btw, I guess moving from France back to the UK is unlikely to be a stress-free undertaking. It may simply be that that is his reason not to do it, especially while he is unwell.

It's my feeling that his actions are passive-aggressive. They would be guaranteed to be hurtful to a partner.

As people who have knowledge of the French health system have all said it is probably superior to our own, I can't understand why he would go to the expense and risk the exhaustion and disruption of frequent flights to Britain - other than to physically and emotionally distance himself from you.

Perhaps he is scared but can't admit even to himself that he is, so he builds a wall around himself that no-one, least of all those nearest to him, can penetrate.

This is just my take on the situation but I may be completely wrong. Anyway, I really don't know how I would deal with it but it would definitely make me feel angry - and then guilty for feeling angry.

I think I would eventually have to tell him how I feel and how upsetting it all is and see what his reaction is.

I hope some of the responses on here are helpful to you as it must be very upsetting to feel physically and emotionally excluded from your husband's life at such a difficult time in both your lives.

I'm just wondering how much it costs to get from France to (presumably) London? Surely it can't be that much and as he has accommodating family, even that wouldn't be a drain on their budget.

RamblingRose I do hope you get this sad situation sorted out soon.

Thanks to all those who read my post properly and responded thoughtfully and kindly.

perhaps, as others have said, he is just comfortable being in a system that uses his mother tongue.
The fact that you can't afford to both fly indicates a tight budget so he stays with his sister, it could be that sister and brother-in-law have asked him to come alone for a number of possible reasons. Maybe they struggle to feed him and don't want to add another mouth to their budget. Maybe they just don't have the space for two extra guests or maybe the sister feels comfortable with her own brother in the house but would feel more effort would be required with her sister-in-law.

It may be strange to you what he is doing and seem as though he does not care about you but I do see the opposite. I think he is worried that something might happen to him and in some way is preparing you to live on your own when he is gone. He has just gone through a harrowing experience with his mother being there for her as she died before his eyes as the person goes along time before they actually die with dementia and I think he is trying to save you from what he went through. He is honest and open about his illness as you have seen the paperwork and you know who he is staying with. hopefully he will recover and you go on to have many years together
Do what he wants and make a life there without him for a while but don't stop letting him know you want to be there for him and maybe find a reason to come over with him if you can don't push him to go to his appointments but just come over with him every now and again but let him know whatever happens you want to be there. You could tell him it really hurts you not to be able to care for him Just say it and leave it at that. best wishes to you both