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Husband cheated - are you glad you found out?

(114 Posts)
CanuckaLatte Thu 05-Sep-19 12:37:03

NC for this.
Question for those that thought they had a happy solid marriage/relationship and found out their partner had been cheating: despite the turmoil and the pain, are you glad you found out? Or in hindsight, do you wish you hadn't?

Hetty58 Sun 13-Oct-19 20:39:34

Aepgirl, I found the comment by BradfordLass very interesting. You object to her comparisons but I don't think that you can compare today's marriages with those of previous generations either.

There used to be a strong stigma to divorce. Couples stayed married for life due to social pressure and financial necessity. There was no welfare state. You had to 'make your bed and lie in it'. Generations of children were raised by parents who hated each other. I can't see that as a tradition to be proud of.

newnanny Mon 14-Oct-19 00:29:10

I had been married 21 years and on holiday with 2 of our children when I found out my h was cheating on me. I rushed home and he was not there. I text him and and asked what he was doing. He lied and told me he was at home watching TV. I was at home so knew he was lying. I packed up all of his stuff, had the locks changed and text him to come home and get his things. I asked a friend to be there with me when he came and he made a lot of fuss but did go eventually. I went to solicitor the next day and filed for divorce. He fought against the divorce but had no choice in the end as I refused to speak to him. A year later I found another partner and married him a couple of years later. I have now been married for 14 happy years. Very glad indeed to good friend who rang me, and was crying because she was so worried about telling me. I still to this day do not know how long he had been cheating on me. MUch happier with second dh.

CocoPops Mon 14-Oct-19 02:58:51

If someone genuinely loves and cares for their partner/spouse and is happy, why would he/she hurt them by having an affair? Is it a weakness whereby a person is flattered, unable to resist temptation and throws caution to the wind?
An honest person who has made a commitment to a partnership surely has more integrity.
After all modern society does not force people into marriage/partnership. Commitment is entirely voluntary.
To answer the question "Yes I would rather be told of any adultery". Devastating I am sure but personally I feel I wouldn't be able to live with someone I could not trust.

suzette1613 Mon 14-Oct-19 10:29:41

CocoPops, in my case my husband had decided to go off with his new woman so I felt the marriage was definitely over.

A physical affair, apart from the risk of nasty diseases, maybe one could forgive, but I personally think, as you say, when trust has gone it would change the relationship for ever and I could not live with someone who was so deceitful.

gordh123 Sun 27-Oct-19 14:07:57

It`s a deal breaker and something I couldn`t forgive or forget .
I would get my revenge when it suits me even if it took years and the other women would be in for a shock and a half.
Hopefully in front of her family.

timetogo2016 Mon 28-Oct-19 16:18:17

Same as sodapop.
Happy days.

timetogo2016 Mon 28-Oct-19 16:19:17

same as gordh.

Barmeyoldbat Mon 28-Oct-19 17:09:22

Best thing my ex husband ever did, she was welcome to him.

Frank197 Sat 24-Jun-23 19:31:01

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Georgesgran Sat 24-Jun-23 19:36:11


Gossamerbeynon1945 Sat 24-Jun-23 19:46:33

I had it done to me. Then 5 years ago he had a stroke and has severe aphasia and epilepsy. I have decided to stay, because he is completly helpless. I was married for 30 years and I never thought he would do that to me!

Debbi58 Sat 24-Jun-23 22:47:27

I found out my first husband was having an affair with a mutual friend after we had been married for 12 years and our twin daughters were 8 years old . He didn't want us to split up or make a new life with her but I just couldn't get over the betrayal. I also suspected she wasn't the first. I kicked him out and he moved in with her. I spent 10 years as a single Mum , working and bringing up our girls. They did go to his occasionally but never really liked his girlfriend. He had 2 more daughters with her and I met and married my second husband, I was 43 by then. He's a wonderful husband/ stepdad / grandad to our 3 grandchildren. My first husband cheated again and she left him around 4 years ago now . I don't regret my decision at all