distant friend

Friendships can spring up from anywhere. You just meet someone and either you click or you don't. I met someone 9 almost 10 years ago, not a girlfriend or wife btw, at my drama group in Hornchurch and, to cut a long story short, we have been together ever since and are the best of friends. More like family really. We text each other every day and sometimes during the day if theres anything we do or anywhere we go like when I go volunteering or something, so friendship can spring from anywhere. That's what I think

Isn't it true that when you are ill you really find out who your loyal friends are as they are the people who are there for you at all times. Others are just 'fair weather' friends.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

If the slow reply causes you a problem with arrangements or something practical -then I see it is annoying. But if there is nothing urgent then why not just have a 'slow' friendship?

Why do responses have to be speedy, unless you have asked a specific question or need specific information?

If you received a letter from a friend, would you immediately set to and write back? I think the ability to email has, like many other things, encouraged a "I want it now" way of thinking. With almost everything you can think of: Shopping, travelling, eating, entertainment, etc etc, there seems to be an increasing trend towards instant gratification.

If someone is so obviously taking advantage of your good nature or just using you to offload problems (but not so keen on offering support if you have problems), or boasting about good fortune, then, if it were me, I would no longer keep in touch. I don't think delays in responding would particularly upset me - I would usually assume that the person is very busy, depressed or distracted in some way.

I had a work friend who I kept In Touch with when she retired through I’ll health early. I was always the one doing the texting ...phoning...and never getting text reply...ever....and if she answered the phone I would get cut off early with...oh I’ve got to go and see to this or that! After about two years of this treatment I stopped phoning and texting...knowing that as she is a hypochondriac she would want to complain to me about her ‘illnesses ‘.....it took her about two months but she finially called and complained to me that I hadn’t phoned her. I said I had been busy with family ..blah. blah! She totally got the message and now calls me to recount her latest medical take of woe ...as much as I call her! Result. People tend not to like being treated like they treat others....they either ‘get it’ or you do t hear from them again! No loss!

Friendship isn't all about you. If you are a good friend you will accept the other person for what they are. Why should they reply to you instantly, unless of course you have asked an urgent question? I lived abroad for many years and now have friends scattered around the globe ... when we email each other it can be with a gap of days, weeks and sometimes months between each communication. That doesn't mean we don't care. If you are a true friend of this person you should enjoy the contact you have and not want it all your way.

I have the same with my brother. If he has a problem he’s always round our house. And telephoning. Very needy. Now his life is settled we don’t see him. He doesn’t reply to text messages. Phone calls go to answer phone.
In May he moved to a new home. I popped round to visit him and have a look at the new house. He had the right hump. Didn’t like it at all that it wasn’t arranged. Had a quick cup of tea and left. Haven’t seen or personally heard from him since. I’m not getting in touch. Enough is enough!

Plus his life has been a nightmare of bad choices but my parents think the sun shines out of his a... but that’s a different story

“Don’t make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option “.
I have a friend like this. All contact was on my side. So I decided to leave it and see what happened. I haven’t heard from her for nearly a year! Upsetting but nothing I can do.

I have had to end two friendships recently.
One friend had lots of support from me when her husband moved away for work and her parents died. When the same happened to me, she didn't contact me.

Another friend ( who had a villa in Cannes) would never pay for drinks, always expected a lift if we went out for lunch, and always wanted to go somewhere of her choice.

These friendships started off well, but I think some people end up being very controlling towards their friends. If the mutual respect has gone, and everything becomes one sided, then that is the time to re-assess the friendship. After a time of reflection, I feel much happier and believe that circumstances change to let other friends into your life.

Yes, known this person for 25 years, live opposite her, I am always the one to phone, go over, otherwise I don't hear from her, I worked out the last time she came over to see me was 10years ago.
I have left it several times to see how long it would be before she contacted me, and by 2 weeks, I have given in and gone across to see her, I don't want to end a friendship because of this, but it does make you wonder doesn`t it?

If you get back in contact how about ‘how are you?’ Rather than ‘are you ok?’ - you might find out a bit more

In the last year two friends who I had regular contact tailed off. Each for a different reason.
I left the contact up to them and waited to see what happened next.
One of them recently rang, asked me to visit and said she missed me. Since she has put more effort into our friendship again.
The other has made an effort but with long gaps.
I think you should step back and see what remains.
Also I agree with PP's who say they can take a while to reply, everyone has a different pace.
Don't get hurt either. If you contact her first just ask how she is, but I think better to wait a while

Pinkquartz. I realise now I’m so much better off without her. I no longer have to worry that I’ve upset her, life is far more peaceful. Loving your name on here ?

Sometimes friendships have a natural lifespan. It can seem hard to imagine when you feel so close to someone. However our lives and interests change which can feel as if one person
is making all of the effort in the relationship. I think that is probably the time to let the friendship gently die away. There are lots of new people out there to be friends with and you have not even met them yet.

8Dee46*

Thank you,

Hi Red1 it doesn't sound like she has changed but you have in the fact that you expect more from her than she is prepared to give.

Can you not keep her as a distant friend, is there any harm in that? What is draining is expecting her to be any different from what she has been all the years you have known her.

Caro57
Yes very well said.