Doting grandparents ???

Apologies Aquamirine, I didnt have my glasses and I misread some things. I can see now that Things have fallen apart. Birth times are highly emotional times and also very bonding and loving times for new mums. Hang in there and be patient. Things could change.

Aquamarine I really don't want to see you on the estrangement threads. I hope you find a way to resolve this. I think different generations parent and behave so differently now. All this tension and bad feeling will be the elephant in the room, you know each other too well. Some relationships are just hard sometimes but when there are grandchildren involved... Respect the boundaries their parents set because they have all the rights there even if it seems unfair to you. Keep it polite and respectful and just love those children. You don't have to say it with words, things or pictures etc, they will know. Try to let go of the bad feeling towards the parents or the children will pick up on it. You'd be amazed what children notice, they are like sponges. Remember the parents still have growing up to do. I still haven't finished doing it.

AquamarineI remember how we felt when we were told that our youngest GC had been born, knowing that we would never know him or him us.

A member of our staff had seen the announcement on line during her coffee break and told Mr. S.; she was in tears as she told him as she knew how upset we would be.

I just don't know how anyone would take a loving GP away from their GC, and upset a child by removing the things their GM had made and bought for them.

You're in for a rough time, as you digest the news that another GC's been born, and you try to come to terms with being told you'll never meet.

Although it can make us feel pretty horrible afterwards, it's good to cry and let out as much of the pain as you can. Take one day at a time and keep in touch if you can, and let us know how you're doing and that you're OK.

I agree starblaze, 2 sides to every story , but I know I'm kind thoughtful and not cruel. Who would tell their child granny is not family and that she's a stranger, who would put granny's home made things books bought gifts etc in the loft , my grandchild has never been allowed photos of me , or are they any in their house. So as I agree 2 sides but my situation is very unbalanced , and tonight I've cried and wept for the new grandchild born yesterday , that I have been told I'll never meet , they won't know me or know that I exist. There's so many things in life that are unsaid, and cruel. No where else to say them but here, so thank you.

I started out full of sympathy for you and hoping that a simple chat could resolve this.... As realistically, we cannot undermine the way our children raise their children and need to be respectful of their choices. Then as I read on I became more and more horrified by your comments. The way you demean your son and dil will be picked up by them. They will feel it, sense it and respond to it. That's if you aren't actually verbalising it to them. It's not normal or understandable to me for any parent to be so critical about their adult children even anonymously. Yes talk about issues but those are just sweeping statements. I think perhaps you need to work on having a more productive relationship with them and listen while they explain where the problems are because I don't believe you are faultless here at all I'm afraid.

Well if all you ve ever done is call her ‘little miss sunshine’ that’s silly and unreasonable of course and it all sounds quite daft and detrimental all round

Bluebelle
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My crime. I called my GC little miss sunshine yes, she was fun and always smiled when she saw me, we had fun together, yes I've more time patience and I'm generally a giving kind person.
Many things are unsaid/ unspoken about in families. My son is self centred and selfish but I do love him. His dad and I are divorced. His wife , is selfish ungrateful and spiteful. They unfortunately don't balance each other. I've supported whilst DIL was pregnant , even when my AC and DIL split up for a while.
It's always been a bit of a one-sided relationship as in i help support give but it's never been truly valued. So when my AC said I was too intense and cut visitation down of course I was upset, as was my GC. They even put all the things I'd made for GC ( I sew) patchwork quilt cushions pencil bags books toys etc I bought in loft , what a spiteful thing to do. My GC was upset when she told me, of course emotionally that was traumatic for her at the time, abuse really.
So my relationship with A.C. Continued but I feel he became irritated with me, hence then this reflected on relationship with GC. I've never spoilt my GC or done things without permission. I believe jealousy plays a part , but I have to respect I'm not her parent, my AC is, so there's nothing i can do. Just sad ladies and gents, as i believe grandparents can add so much to a grandchilds life, I can't seem to reason with AC.

I don't think you are either in the wrong or abnormal Aquamarine, I do think your AC is wrong though.

Why are you considered "lucky" to be able to see your GC once every 3 weeks? Sounds like it's your GC's parents who were lucky to have had all the help and support you provided.

I'm sorry that this situation is upsetting you. Some family members can be very hurtful and spiteful and I agree "no need really".

Why does your AC say you are too intense? Examples?

Snooze58
I don't ask anything from AC I don't expect anything. I'm not demanding , I've supported in past but things have changed drastically now. It's like I'm being intentionally deleted from their lives, I can't explain it, my GC said ages ago before school started I wasn't family and I was a stranger , what 3/4 year old would out of blue say that ??? I asked my AC and reply was GC says all sorts, but I believe AC and DIL must of said something.
Just all incredibly painful and sad to me, GC and I had a close bond. Aren't families hurtful and spiteful ! No need really...

I am now a granny with one go and I love him to the moon and back, looking after him one day a week, however I am mindful that the parents come first with quality time. This is especially more so in today’s climate wher both parents are usually under so much pressure to work. When my two dds were small my mother saw my children every couple of months (we lived 2 1/2 hours away) and it became harder when they started school but the flip side was longer periods over school holidays. My mother could not accept this and ‘demanded’ she saw more of them so took me to court for a contact order. She lied in court, got her order but ended up with less time. As you can imagine this damaged our relationship although we reconciled in a manner before her death. I am VERY mindful of this in my relationship with dd and go so I take what time I am given, do not interfere in upbringing (although the parents are brilliant) and wait to be asked for advice. The result of this is a brilliant relationship with dd and I just offer my time if needed. I think by not putting pressure on them, I probably get more time.

I day dote What a yucky term, I think the word ‘dote’ is horrible it actually brings on a image to me of someone being walked all over in their need to be loved by that one person and seems totally over the top
Love means being able to love that person whilst seeing their faults and there may even be times you don’t ‘like’ what they do but you still love them
You still give no clues except for a pet name (I can’t believe this is all based on that) that you are accused of

What does too intense mean ? Unless that is explained no answer to your question will be found and I don’t see how anyone can help with the sketchy clues you’ve given as there as there sounds nothing at all wrong with the things you are doing with your grandchild it all sounds perfect so there must be more to it
Do you go on and on about her wonders to your son? Do you spoil the little one against their wishes.? What are you actually accused off apart from calling her ‘little miss sunshine’ which isn’t the crime of the century so there’s got to be more you haven’t told us surely

Summerlove - Do you use public transport? The amount of mothers on buses giving more attention to their phones than to their ignored children is sad.

That’s a small snapshot of a parents day. You don’t know what the rest is like.

That’s like saying only ever give sweets to the grandchildren. An over simplified generalisation. Maybe try not to judge them. Choose to be kind instead.

maybe your issue is really with your son.
do you feel used, you mention that you did child-care, free, for several years, and that was the only time you saw your grand-daughter.
now she is going to school your services are not needed, and you feel unappreciated and given the cold shoulder.
is it something like that? you express it rather obliquely.
do you find it difficult to speak clearly and plainly to your son generally.
as others have said, it's a tricky situation.
so many people go no contact now, so be careful.
do not antagonise them, because frankly you have more to lose. if they go no contact you will not be able to see your GD at all.
so maybe it is politic to rein in your doting, in order to maintain a relationship. good luck.

Calendargirl - you’d be surprised how many parents do enjoy it. It just depends how it’s done. I always speak first to the parent, not to the child.,

Summerlove - Do you use public transport? The amount of mothers on buses giving more attention to their phones than to their ignored children is sad.
In fact I sometimes comment to a parent who is interacting with their small child how nice it is to see. They understand what I mean.

Lily flower
I didnt give sweets or other gifts, I did willingly care for my GC free of charge, I didn't mind, it was the only day I saw my GC. Of course my GC had my undivided attention , I never saw my GC other than this. I don't think over the top , I'm always interested in other people's perceptions and relationships..
Thank you guy's.

I love my granddaughters dearly and enjoy spending time with them so if that is doting on them then yes I am guilty of that but they are tiny, aged 4 and 1 They live nearby and we look after them one day a week and usually DD asks us over for a cuppa after she finishes work and picks them up from nursery one other weekday. We also see them over the weekend either for a day trip or they pop in for a few hours or ask us for dinner so probably two or three days a week and the other grandparents have equal access. That might change as they get older and the 4 year old starts school next year but we will be picking her up and having her back for tea on the day we have her younger sister. We also tend to go away for a week as a family every other year.

I don't think we are needy grandparents though in that we do other things and have friends and hobbies so our lives don't revolve around them. We will always step in when needed though.

I think some parents are stuck to their phones and don't interact much with their children.

What an extremely unkind generalization.

For The poster asking if maybe this is coming from your in-laws, what on earth does it matter? The adult child is telling their mother.

OP, kindly, Hearing from many people online that you are not wrong must feel wonderful, but your child is telling you that they do not like how you are interacting with their child. Please take notice of this before your relationship becomes fractured. I would hate to see you here in a year wondering where it all went wrong

Hi Good Evening I find having grandchildren one of the difficult things, it’s that generation gap where you have done the parent thing now you can spend quality time and do all the fun things give them your total undivided attention with the family if you have a daughter-in-law because they do not have the time with all the demands it does get a little bit of walking on eggshells, so getting back to your question be that doting grandparent create those memories as they grow to quickly, I certainly dote on mine the children love it

At first I didnt understand why you should dote on and adore this grandchild so much mainly because I have over 20 grandchildren and also greatgrandchildren. I love them all as much as I do my AC. But then you said you only have the one AC as well. So maybe all your feelings are heaped on them whereas my feelings are spread further. Maybe you were the same with your AC when he was young and he found it overpowering so doesnt want it for his DC . It seems a shame that he is saying these things when you were so helpful looking after GC when they needed it.

As others have said you really need to find out what your son/daughter finds inappropriate or OTT. Until you do you can't start to understand any of this.

chaffinch I prefer mine so will stick with it and continue doting

I would define quality time as time when you can have a degree of one to one interaction with your grandchild, rather than as part of a larger extended family group only.

Adult children can get jealous. Ridiculously.

I am 100% doting granny. Not at all gaga (despite the name) or losing my marbles, but I do adore my GS. He is perfect in my eyes and I wouldn't miss the time I have with him for anything.

My daughter thinks I'm daft for loving him so much, but he soaks up the affection, so clearly he likes it. I'm aware that he'll want less of it as he gets older, but for now, doting, YES I am. And don't give a damn what others think.