Opinions wanted.

It may have a future, it may not, no one will know, not even the couple probably, and that goes for most marriages, relationships etc Nothing you can do just continue being friendly, offering whatever is wanted and wait and see

If your daughter is accepting of this and hasn't complained then all's well and I wouldn't worry unnecessarily.

His dad's been dead less than a year and he is supporting his mum he sounds lovely.
It's her life you can only stay positive and hope.

Yes thank you. I know it’s her life which is why I say nothing. It is good he is supporting his mother and is kind but he has siblings who do not seem to be as involved with the support. From a selfish point of view, I do not want my lovely daughter wasting her life with someone who seems to put her second and she will miss out on someone who will put her first. She has made the odd comment about his mother. I think she found it difficult when her son started to live with my daughter. He’d not had a serious partner before then. We continue to be cheerful and friendly when we see him and always ask after his mother. At the end of the day, I’m just worried about my lovely daughter and her happiness. Thanks for the advice so far.

Maybe your daughter is happy with that situation.
Unless she shows or says she isn't i wouldn't worry,it's her life ,
If they have been together 8 years something must be working, at least her partner sounds to be a caring man, who cares about his mother ,some don't

I wonder they have been together 8 years did he give his mum as much attention before or is it a new thing? If his parents were married for a long time he may be worried that he might lose his mum as well as his dad.
You can't make your siblings care. When my mum was ill my brother did nowt.

I think he’s always been close Trisher. The only son. Sisters older with their own families.

Are you perhaps worried that her biological clock is ticking?

Perhaps you think he is stringing her along, doesn't really love her and, at some point, will give her up and then marry someone completely different and have the 2.4 children. Your daughter's partner's biological clock will tick for longer.

This does happen (it did to a female friend of mine) but you can't do much about it. It's her life. I suppose you could ask her how she feels and see where the discussion goes.

Perhaps she doesn't want children or marriage.

I think it's good that he emotionally supports his recently widowed mother. It sounds as if he has a kind nature.

Yes Tangerine, thank you. That’s exactly what I’m worried about but didn’t like to be so blunt about it. She does want children and marriage, that I do know, but doesn’t want to push him. Yes I know it’s kind supporting his mother.

I didn't mean to be blunt. After 8 years, she ought to know him well enough to be able to ask him where he sees things heading.

She'll be upset if he says "nowhere" or something like that but she will know where she stands. Then she can make a decision.

Yes thank you. All these opinions are helpful to me. We will just carry on and be ready to offer help if and when needed but hoping all will work out for the best.

I can understand you being concerned about your Dd and wanting the best for her, it's perfectly natural.
You say that you see quite a bit of her, can you not gently broach the subject of them having children sometime in the future or not.
As far as getting married, an awful lot don't these days.
Her partner seems very caring with his Mother so that is a good sign but if it intrudes too much on their relationship, not good.
Your daughter is probably an intelligent woman, so no doubt if her relationship is not going as she expects, then she will do something about it.
You just have to let them get on with it basically, so try not to worry so much.

Ah! I've just seen that she does want marriage and children.
In that case, after eight years she does need to know if he is in agreement with this.
I would encourage her to broach the subject with him, I don't think that this would be unreasonable after 8 years together.
If I was her, I 'd want an answer now as if marriage/children are not on his agenda, she has a lot of thinking to do.

You really can t second guess another persons life and you can have no influence on their decisions anyway
if she wants children and he doesn’t she will have to make some decisions but they will be done when she’s ready, it’s her life we are on the sidelines watching and hoping and then when it comes to grandchildren we are on the side, side lines
Don’t waste time awishing and ahoping just accept she’s happy with a nice partner for now

I am going to be blunt. Your daughter is 34, thoroughly adult and has been in this relationship for 8 years. It is none of your business what she does or doesn't plan to do in this relationship and what personal goals she may sacrifice to have that relationship..

No matter how much you may want to be a grandmother, she is big enough to make her own decisions without you giving a little nudge now and again. She is quite capable of working out that the biological clock is ticking and she needs to make a decision and act on it in the next 5 - 7 years.

For all you know she may be trying to become pregnant but having problems. However close we think we are to our children there will always be quite a lot of things they will not mention to us.

If her partner walks out on her for a younger more fecund mate, then she will have to deal with it. But she is old enough and presumably clever enough to work this out for herself and happy to leave things as they are. You must do the same.

Leave them to sort their own lives out oscarroll. Not sure if you are hankering after grandchildren and trying to nudge your daughter along. Her partner sounds like caring chap I'm sure they will do what is right for them.

Thank you for that profound post. I have never said I’m desperate to be a grandmother, nor am I. I am just concerned for my daughters happiness and wellbeing as any caring parent would. I have never, nor would I, give a little nudge as you put it. She could be infertile for all I know.

I have a daughter now in her mid-40s. She had decided by her early 20s that she neither wanted children nor to ever live with anyone. People used to comment on her single status and if I told them why they would make silly comments like 'Wait until the right man comes along' or 'she will begin to respond to her biological clock'. But I know DD and I would have been totally gobsmacked if she had changed her mind - and she hasn't. She has a successful career, her own home and lots of friends. For all I know she may have had doubts and a rethink at sometime, but if she did she kept it to herself.

There have been times, when life has been difficult for her, when I have wondered whether setting her path so firmly so young was wise, but it is her life and she must live it her way. When you love your children and want the best of everything for them, it is hard when you see them stepping out on a course you worry they may later regret, but they are adults and must make their own decsions and live by them just as we did.

I think it's hard sometimes to know what people see in each other. I had a friend/colleague whose life partner was a twice married man twice her age.
He was infertile which was the reason his previous marriages had failed apparently. She was in her early 20s and I know her DP were not keen although they grew to like him.

Does it hurt to discuss these things with your children? Your DD is still young so has many more years for things to change. People can change their minds. I know a couple who were together 20 yrs before a baby came along.

I think it's really hard as a parent but we have to take a step back and let them make their own choices. Just be there, listen and validate her feelings. If you try to advise and she is too in love to listen, it might push her away.

Both my ACs don't want children, not sure about the little one but if he has a child when I had him I will be in my late 80s before I become a grandparent.

Enjoy your daughter, if she decides her need for children overtakes her live for this man, you will be there for her and everything will be OK

I think your daughters partner seems a caring man he phones his mum who is struggling to cope for an hour every night, not many would do that every night for that length of time, maybe your daughter says nothing because she gets on with her mil and doesn’t see a problem with her staying over, just because your daughter hasn’t got children engaged or married, why is that so important to you, if she’s happy surely that’s the main thing, how do you know they are not trying for a baby, all her friends have children n are settled and married but what’s that got to do with anything. She’s her own person. Of course you want your daughter to be happy all parents want that, she’s an adult! Let her make her own life and stop worrying about these things if they happen they happen, my own Ac has been with her partner since she was 16 she’s 40 now not married or engaged and has a little child and very happy, but neither me or her dad make judgements .

My first husband and I lived together for 8 years before getting married, bought and sold two houses in the mean time, never got engaged and got married on a whim with minimal notice and only 2 friends invited as witnesses. I don't think anyone thought it was going nowhere and even if they did wtf has it got to do with them. We always knew what we were doing and were committed to each other from day 1.
As for his mum being needy, give her a break, my eldest son who I rarely see phones me pretty much every day and we talk the hind legs off a donkey as they say. Most calls last 1 and a half hours but sometimes, not often are over in a couple of minutes. I'm very far from needy and not recently widowed either. Maybe they just get on really well like my son and I.

8 years is a long time for them to have been together so they must be happy. Some marriages don't last as long, our DS's ended after 5 years.

We tend to look at other peoples relationships in comparison to our own and others can seem odd if they're very different.

As long as she's happy, be happy.

I’ve been worried for a while as there’s no sign of an engagement, marriage or children. I know that’s not the be all and end all these days but all her friends are settled, married and have children.
So, all her friends are married with children. There is no guarantee of permanence in what you see as a desirable outcome. My married son is now divorced, albeit amicably and without damage to my GC; my other son met his partner at university and if they were married, they would have already celebrated their silver wedding, but they have had a successful partnership, both have good careers, they have made a happy home and given me two much loved grandsons. I am always made welcome there when I can make the journey south.