Don't much like brother or his family. What to do?

How strange. So many people suggesting hetty play the martyr or worse, act so petty.

Either leave the room, or suggest they go out.

You’re not a waitress at a restaurant!

Grin and bear it for one day, for your mums sake.

I had a close relative that I felt exactly the same about. I liked to 'dilute' things by inviting friends or other family at the same time.

With other people around, I found that she modified her behaviour. The same thing happened if we were out in public, especially eating out.

If inviting others or going out are not possible, it's best to be incredibly busy, involved in something 'urgent'!

All of the above take focus and attention away from the unbearable person, allowing a visit for the sake of your mother.

Just try to remember that people like that are usually chronically insecure. You and your family are probably confident, witty, secure and attractive - you are blessed, even if you do not realise it!

Have pity on their needs......

My youngest brother comes in every 2 months to see M&D. His Christmas present is like a hamper with goodies in it. My other brother did not realise that some bits were left over from last year ? Still got Assam tea bags when they know Dad only drinks Yorkshire Tea. Brothers hey?

I hope it wasn't too stressful for you. This is the first Christmas without my dear Dad and it would appear that he was the only reason the family tolerated each other. My mum is a very cruel selfish woman who has blighted my life for 50 years and I no longer have to put up with her judgement so although I'm sad that my Dad isn't here I'm relieved to not have to put up with her any longer. She has my brother who is 'cut from the same cloth' and they are welcome to each other. He is just a bully who likes to intimidate people. The saddest part is that it would seem my mother has got to my sons and they only contact me now when they want something. Didn't get a card from either of them, not even a text on Christmas Day. I'm following my counsellors advice .. dont chase them as it allows them to keep hurting you.

Hetty, How often do they visit? Is your mum disabled?

Think would do what others suggest and make the most of having someone there to take over (go out somewhere). No need for you to wait on them!

Being practical isn’t being rude. You can smile sweetly, then leave them to it (unless you don’t trust them in the house to fix themselves a cuppa?)