So much doubt about whether to leave my husband

I personally know a couple who had reached the point of separating. They arranged that he had a rented flat for three months to enable them to 'sort their heads out'. Either of you could move out for a break. You both should discuss and plan the arrangement. Knowing it is not necessarily the end will enable you to assess your true feelings and help in the decision-making. It is important to see this arrangement as beneficial to you both and a joint decision to undertake it. With regard to Relate, it will be worthwhile approaching them - I believe the charges made are what you feel you can afford. Good luck - you both deserve to be happy.

Just go. If he hasn’t changed like he said he has is it worth it.

I find it so frustrating when OP doesn’t come back either to comment on replies to her dilemma or with more information.
Quite honestly who could give reliable advice without much more background knowledge?
It is dangerous to advise in either direction with so little to go on

I’m almost in the same position as you. 40 years of being lied to over and over again. I’ve waited on him hand and foot and he, apparently has bragged about it to people too, in our first 5/6 years together he’d try to strangle me when we had a row. He’d goad me until I lost my temper, once telling me he enjoyed doing it because it made my eyes flash. The strangling stopped when I punched him in the face, think I broke his nose! He ruined every holiday with his sulking sometimes waiting till the last minute then saying he wasn’t going. One holiday he didn’t get his passport sorted which meant my son and I going alone, he had to follow 3 days later after going to Liverpool to get a passport. That cost even more money because we had to pay again for airplane seats for him, his 2 children and our son! This sort of thing has gone on all these years. I left him for 3 years but he told me he had prostrate cancer so I came back...now I, and his own son who I brought up, think he lied about it because within weeks, he’d stopped ‘going to hospital because he was cured’. I never saw him take any medication nor has he been back for ‘check ups’ as I know they do when you’ve had cancer. Since then he has been ill but caused by him overeating, getting so big he got loads of stuff wrong with him. Lymphedema, fistula in his gut and part of it rotted and had to be cut away. I nursed him for 3 years through all this and he still treated me like dirt. His son told him off saying, ‘if it hadn’t been for her, you’d be dead now’.
Now he walks on crutches and can barely walk a few yards and I feel trapped. I’m still running around after him. I can’t be bothered to speak to him anymore. Last year I mentioned getting a little car and was told ‘not with my money you aren’t’. He joined the Labour Party 5 years ago and is now a town AND county councillor. He has a right go at me because I refuse to vote Labour, he even changed my voting to postal vote then told me afterwards. If I want to go anywhere he says I’ll take you, he has a mobility car, he drives me and waits in the car!
I’ll be 74 this year and I feel I’ll be trapped in this house where the living room is upstairs. My stepson pays the mortgage as his board money so if H dies I won’t get anything. They arranged that between them. Long story but H went bankrupt and couldn’t get a mortgage!
My father died in the summer and left me some money which I haven’t told anyone about only my own eldest son. If I tell H he will spend it. I didn’t get enough to buy a little place but I can’t rent because I have 4 little dogs. I’m resigned to the fact that I’ll probably die before him but I’m going to make sure that any money doesn’t go to him or his son.

I don't envy you having to make such a huge decision.
Personally, being a bit indecisive myself, I find it best when in doubt to do nothing, until you wake up one morning with a gut feeling. Those gut feelings are almost always right.
I see no reason why marriage has to necessarily be for ever.
There is life beyond. And it sounds like you've had enough.
But, be sure you can then live comfortably with your decision and not feel guilty about leaving him. Guilt is a difficult emotion to live with, as I can testify.

I’m in exactly the same position. My husband has recently been diagnosed as bi-polar and is an alcoholic. I want to leave but how can I when he can now label his behaviour as being due to his ‘illness’ . I am starting counselling in the new year after being referred by my local domestic abuse team. His behaviour is emotional abuse whatever causes it. I can feedback after my first session if it is if any help?

let your consiuse be your guide.i was 19 when i was married had 5 children .my ex was the love of my life.my first live as the years went by i found out she had been cheating on me.i forgave her to keep our family together.but it still contued with her lies.after 26 years i divorced her and got custody of my last 2 youngest at my home and i got her dog.been happy ever since.feeling can change in time as we get older and you get a new start

After 32 years I have taken that step. My husband and I had vastly different values and I would tell him that if I were meeting him for the first time he was not the sort of person I would ever entertain going out with. He was at best totally negative and at worst an emotional bully. However we have two amazing children (now grown up and no longer living with us!) and I have two equally fabulous kids from a previous relationship. Health issues meant that he was unable (or unwilling) to work for the majority of our time together yet he was unwilling to get help or see a doctor. It finally came to a head and my children have supported me every step of the way as I have finally taken the step to freedom. After sofa surfing with my children for 5 months I now have a rented space of my own. Such freedom... Ask yourself, do you really want to spend the next 10 years (let alone the next 10 months) as you are right now?

only you can really make the decision, but feel so sad you have to suffer and even have to face this. maybe the new year will bring in new things but in the end you know what the real answer is... do the negatives weigh up against the positives of the relationship now ? sending you hugs x

Many years ago, I spent a lot of time debating with myself whether to stay in my marriage or go. I questioned mysel f, weighed up pros and cons, wondered about the impact on our children, basically drive myself nuts trying to decide. It consumed me. A wide woman said to me "if you have to keep questioning it, stay. When it is time to go, you won't have to ask yourself any questions. You will know." And she was right. We did eventually split but when that time came, there wasn't a single question in my head.

I think that is the best advice. Stop torturing yourself and try to enjoy the life that you have. It may help both of you. If it doesn't and you reach the stage where it's time to separate, I promise you, you will know.