Gransnet forums

Relationships

DD yet more heartbreak. Why always her?

(34 Posts)
JuliaM Tue 21-Jan-20 20:22:31

If they really want a baby, then never give up hope. My second youngest DD suffered several early miscarriages, and went to our local fertility clinic for help. Likewise, it was her partner who had problems with a low sperm count and mobility. She was assured that given time, there was a high chance of a successful pregnancy, but they opted for using donor sperm, and she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl the following year. They where both very happy to have a baby to call their own at last, and were very proud parents indeed.
DD continued to feel very tired and unwell after the birth, but just put this down to the hard work of becoming a new mum and coping with sleepless nights and recovering from a long difficult labour. At her post natal appointment with her midwife, several weeks later, she told her how tired she was still feeling. Further questioning and a blood test followed, and both her and her partner were truly amazed, she had actually conceived naturally, and gave birth to a baby boy exactly a year and a week after her first DD arrived. Just to say, never give up hope, with help, most couples do conceive given time.

crazyH Tue 21-Jan-20 19:59:25

So sorry flowers

paddyanne Tue 21-Jan-20 19:58:41

My husband has a friend like your SIL,no drive no ambition but the nicest most content man on the planet.Please dont dismiss him as not right for your daughter just because he,doen't want to work himself to death or finds it best to let things happen rather than MAKE them happen/The baby loss is a different thing,he isn't AT FAULT because of his low sperm count ...I'm sure he didn't ask for that or cause it.Would you be blaming your daughter if the conception problem was hers?
I think the figures are one in three for miscarriages so its no ones fault its just what it is.On the positive side if she managed to concieve once then she knows its possible to concieve again,and it was early in the pregnancy which tends to be easier to accept.I say that as someone who had multiple losses early and after birth .I hope she /they get the help they need to get through this and can be optimistic about the future .All you can do is be supportive without being judgemental about their situation .

V3ra Tue 21-Jan-20 19:54:51

Oh your poor daughter. You must be beside yourself with worry and so upset for her. We're so helpless when nasty adult things happen to our children, as I know. So, so sad x

cornergran Tue 21-Jan-20 19:50:25

I’m so sorry. Our children’s pain is our own so of course you’re hurting. Sending a hug and flowers. Come and talk to us whenever it helps. There’s always someone to listen.

Doodle Tue 21-Jan-20 19:49:20

I am so sorry lizbeth. You and your family must be very upset. I too have lost 3 not to be grandchildren and it is a very sad time.
I think your daughter really needs to decide how she feels about your SIL. Being proactive and ambitious are some people’s targets in life but they are not the be all and end all of everything. Your daughter could find a man who is ambitious and wealthy and proactive but he may well not be as kind and loving as her DH. Perhaps she should decide where her priorities lie before thinking about getting pregnant again but at the moment you all need some love and tlc x

Doodledog Tue 21-Jan-20 19:46:59

Life is horribly unfair sometimes. Good people have bad things happen to them, and vice versa, which can make no sense to those who love them.

There is nothing I can say to make it better, but have a virtual hug. xx

GrannyGravy13 Tue 21-Jan-20 19:45:43

Sending virtual hugs, it is so very hard when our children are hurting and there is nothing we can do to heal them flowers

Lizbethann55 Tue 21-Jan-20 19:40:15

Here goes. I have tried writing this so many times. Trying to keep it short and concise. Everytime I think I have it right , the goal posts get shifted. This time someone has thrown them out of the ground. My DD is beautiful, outside and even more so inside. For complicated reasons the man she truly loved (still loves) and who loved (and still loves) her made a catastrophic error of judgement and they are not together. All my DD wants is what her dad and I, her two sisters, and all her friends have. ie, an ideal partner , a nice home and children. Finally she met and married R. He is a lovely man. But totally wrong for her. If there was anything majorly wrong it would be easier. But he is a good man. He doesn't drink, gamble, lie, cheat, shout, bully or any of the big "no nos". But he has no drive, no ambition, no animation, no "oomph". He has little sense of humour. Is a bit dour. The only thing he is serious about is not spending money and no debts. He lived with his parents until he met DDand moved into the little house she has bought. His office job is poorly paid and he has no interest in bettering it. My DD earns way more than him so is trapped in her stressful job. He makes few decisions and is not remotely pro active in their lives. Despite that he is a truly lovely man. All would have survived had the longed for baby arrived. But it didn't. Tests proved his sperm count was low and quality poor. IVF followed. He went along with it, but did no research, read no books, asked no questions. Two goes failed. DD put off trying again. Said she wasn't ready. Later admitted doubts about her future with SiL. Long discussions. At Christmas I really expected her alone with her suitcase. No. It was them with positive pregnancy test. About four weeks. TBH I wasnt sure how I felt, and even less sure about how she felt. But they were obviously making a go of it and SiL was really proactive and keen. A new him!. Today. Tragedy. Following a car bump ( a man on his phone bumped into back of DD) she went to hospital to be checked. Turns out the baby is no more. Not because of bump, it had died a couple of weeks ago. My daughter has to go back to get it all"taken away". We are all bereft. My DD is utterly distraught. Nothing ever goes right for her, despite being the loveliest person you could ever meet. Thank you if you have stayed with me. I know there is no advice you can give. I just want your loving arms around me to help me guide her through this.