Friends excluding me

Sounds to me as if you are better off without them now.
You will make new friends that suit you in time.

It won’t be easy but time to make new friends. If one of them had contacted you after your flirty friend caused trouble it might be different. She will eventually do the same with them so maybe Karma eventually. There are nice people in the world do seek them out and not this bunch of misfits!

So easy to say make new friends. It’s not. I’ve just been excluded from my group of friends. They range from 20s to 50s and suddenly they have decided that I’m too old to be part of the socialising any more. I’ve cried all day yesterday and all night. My face is so swollen that my iPhone facial recognition doesn’t know me. You have my sympathy OP. You’re not alone.

Dear eelouisa are they truly friends. You have nothing to loose so approach the one that you always get on with and ask her what is going on, it is obviously that the one who was flirting with your husband has had her say so have yours. Go out and get proper friends. I have recently taken early retirement and outside work due to working long hours I find myself without many friends. I know I have to bite the bullet and go and make friends. Join some groups and make your friends, you will surprise yourself. Good luck and forget fake friends. Xxx

The person who flirted and messaged your partner was totally in the wrong and you were right to call her out on it. I don't know how you phrased things but I definitely agree with you in principle.

You could, if determined to stay in the same friendship group or at least friends with the nicer ones, show the flirty texts to them.

In your situation, I think I'd not bother. Do you need them?

Try and find other friends and interests. Not always easy, I suppose.

Don't be a pedant Bluebelle. It is unbecoming when someone is hurt and pouring their heart out. Eelouisa, friendships don't always last forever. People change. As others have said, you can find new ones with whom you have things in common. When you meet new people, start by being a really good listener -something I preach but don't practise nearly often enough. Good luck.

Grannytotwins these people were not friends
.
I agree it can be hard to make new friends but acquaintances can grow into friends and getting out and interacting with people is the only way to make acquaintanceships.
OP is a young mum, and I think those first months and years with a baby was the time many of us formed lasting friendships with NCT/ante-natal/toddlers group Mums. Work colleagues or child free friendships can so easily fall by the wayside when your circumstances are so different.

Just leave them to it and get on with your life because they will find out what she is like, An if they are true friends they will be in touch

Friendships need watering to stay alive if they are not making any effort why bother with them. I’ve stopped contacting 2 friends to see how long it takes them to contact me as over a period of 5 years it’s me that’s made the first contact every time and I feel it has to be a two way thing... who needs friends like that.

So ..... this is my opinion .... I must be trendy as I often start things with “so” . I also think it’s nice too that younger people come onto Gransnet for an older and wiser perspective ??
Lots of good advice on here, I too would move on and find new friends, totally out of order to flirt with your husband. I would also make sure the other “friends” know the truth tho, as a parting shot as you do not know what she has told them. It will help you move on too.

I'll come back with proper response - pressed for time. Just laughing because I knew the "so" would rub someone up the wrong way! Some of you were so lucky to have a classical kind of education! Mine was very haphazard in small primary school. but in Grammar school we were encouraged to write in a style suitable for the subject.
I like this "so"

will be back with reply on the topic. so sorry to hear of this. happened to me. see you soon...

Oh dear, that’s really hurtful. You say you’ve been in a long term relationship. Do you mean you were married before and friend was flirting with your ex-husband or your present partner?

You did the right thing I was married for 23 years and I found out my husband was being very close to a good friend of our it turned out they was having a affair it hit me really hard we got divorced and they got married that was 20 years ago my husband didn't tell anyone that he had left me because he didn't want anyone to think bad of him you're friend could have done the same perhaps if you said to 1 of your friends do you think I did the right thing losing my temper with what ever her name is and see their reaction I bet she hasn't told them the real reason she won't want them to think bad of her she won't to be miss little 2 shoes

How did you find out about this so called friend messaging your husband? Did he tell you?

People seem to know you have a baby but I cant see it in your message.

Annaraml I wondered that too. Where did this baby come from?

@eelousia
Sorry I sent above off-subject message! I'm back now - change of plans, and can devote my thoughts to your sad situation.

I am truly sorry you have had this happen. It's a horrible experience and takes a very tough person to get through it without feeling very hurt. I really do think it's them and not you. I also think that the texting girl has caused the problem and you were right to set her straight.
I would look at all the help given here and think which is most likely to work for you. I tend to think that trying to keep going and planning as full a life as you can is a healthy way forward. Going to groups where young mums meet, joining a gym or exercise class, book group, just doing whatever you can to get out and be with people even if you don't particularly know them. Was there anyone in the group with whom you did get on more than the others? Could you invite her round for coffee or ask to meet up somewhere just for a social chat? Just set the ball rolling, you may not want to put her on the spot and say were they avoiding you. Or you could say it as a joke, something like "I haven't seen everyone for so long I thought you were all avoiding me! chuckle chuckle". If the conversation goes well you might be able to say you told flirty girl to stop texting your partner. But be kind to her, don't put too much of your distress on her. I would like to think you could meet one or two of the nicer members of the group starting with a short session say, for a coffee.

It certainly may be true that flirty girl has blackened your name to the others. I think this could have happened to me. A woman friend of mine was ill and I helped her out. When she was better, I was at her house, waiting for her to get ready to go out, I was driving. Her husband came into the room and I said it must have been hard for him when his wife was ill. To my surprise he hugged me. It was a completely friendly hug which he did, not I. However I think she might have seen and as she is very jealous, since then I have heard nothing at all from her or the group with whom I usually met her. However, I don't think they all see me as a husband-snatcher as I met one of them and she was very kind and friendly. In your case, surely they are sensible enough to have their own opinions after knowing you for 18 years? I wonder if they have just drifted away without any bad reason, but just haven't been organised in arranging meetings. Maybe you could try and meet up with some of them just to see what the reaction is? If you sense they are avoiding you, then ask them outright if this is so and why. You were confident and wise enough to tell the flirty girl what she was doing wrong, so use this confidence to ask whether they are avoiding you. I would make this approach kindly and gently in case there is nothing bad going on. It would be a pity to put their backs up if they just thought you were busy with your baby and couldn't join them at the moment.

Whatever you find, remember that life always brings changes, some of which are unwelcome and not what we expect. Go with the flow and keep making a good life for yourself. Be friendly with people you meet and, as I said, try out new things which will give you the opportunity to widen the circle of people you meet. If you don't meet anyone for a while, don't let it bother you. I found that I made a lot of friends through my children, by meeting them at the groups where we went when they were little, or later at the school gate. Other friends I met when studying and through my interests which are writing and singing and music.

I wish you every bit of good luck. Don't lose confidence in yourself. Things will improve. I believe you will make friends through meeting people when you are out with your adorable baby.

Don't lose heart! Keep saying "so" ? (for introductory effect it works - I learned on one of my many creative writing courses!) Thanks for coming to us oldies, it's so encouraging to think a young mum values our experience.
With lots of love
Elle x

Same thing happened to me. I had a very close group of friends . One got jealous and spoon fed the others with lies about me and they all stopped talking to me. It was awful, knocked my confidence, my esteem, broke my heart, and I cried buckets but I never spoke to them again. I’d rather eat my carpet. Took a while but now I have much better quality friends , more intelligent, loyal, and honest.

they are called your friends ? hmm i think not .,flirting with your husband was not on ,.they wouldnt like it if it was done to them .like the person above .its time to move on .join some groups .take up walking (clears the mind). also this is GRANSNET ..for the older persons.. but we glad to give our point of view. ..move on and make new friends.if you see the old ones .just say hello and nothing else. no apologies for being out spoken .just say hi.

They don’t really sound like friends to me eelouisa and one flirting and messaging your husband!! I’d blow a gasket, but I would be wondering firstly how she got my husbands number, as mine doesn’t give his number out to my friends! Like others have said this girl has maybe told lies about you, she doesn’t sound a very nice person, Do you actually need these friends, if you feel you do then speak to them without her being around, but sadly some friendships don’t last, people move in different directions, it’s the way life is, you say you have always been slightly dif to them in a few ways, Eg, dress sense but to me that’s good, it shows individuality who wants to be a follower anyway: you are your own person, br kind to yourself. Stand up for what you believe in, you can make new friends by joining groups. There’s lots of different ways, good luck eelouisa, x

Just because you have known someone for many years does not mean you have to stay friends. Friends should enrich your life and be on your side to support you in life and vice versa. Some people can be too honest to the point of hurt and is that really necessary. As others have said sometimes it’s best to let things ride over you if they are worth your friendship. On the subject of the flirting it was a betrayal of friendship and what was she thinking! You need to make new friends which I know is sometimes difficult as a lot seem cosied up with their own groups and don’t let anyone in. I’m not going to say take up a hobby etc but it can help and sometimes we just have too keep smiling and trying and most of all be genuine and tactful. Good luck

eelousia - there are three things to consider her:
1) if these 'friends' are excluding you they are not friends so try to make new ones.
2) when you called out your 'friend' about flirting with your husband did you also bring up the issue with him? And if you didn't ask yourself why and what were you afraid of.
3) you say you 'lost yourself' and weren't working for a while - so I wonder whether you were mentally fragile at this point and whether your interpretation of events is highly subjective.

I wonder whether there is just one of those friends who you think you might be able to trust who you can talk about these things with - oh and definitely, show other people the texts the other 'friend' sent to get another take on matters. Hope you feel better soon.

2 points:- how did she get your husbands number: and I think you have been "smeared"by this woman to your other friends. Do they know about her texting your husband?

Where does the OP explicitly say she had a baby? When I read this I wondered if she ‘d had a breakdown (‘I lost myself’). People can tend to distance themselves from somebody who’s having serious health problems, as I know from experience, having had cancer in my twenties, and it can be very hurtful. Depression and anxiety can also be very isolating, and one’s own feelings of being cut off from others may be reinforced by others trying to get them to look on the bright side, and to think positive. People can be frightened of others’ pain - maybe it reminds them of how fragile happiness can be, and how little control we actually have over our own lives. During a lifetime we will probably all experience that sense of isolation, and whatever the reason for it, the advice that’s been offered here will have been tried and tested by experience, and has worked for them. Tillybelles approach resonates particularly for me - it involves takin a fresh look at people with shared interests at the same time as having confidence in your own worth, and learning to like yourself. Treat yourself as you would a beloved friend who’s going through a hard time. You know you’ve been welcomed here and you can take comfort from that too. Good luck and go well.

There are lots and lots of people out there, who can be your new friends.
Don't go looking for them. They will just be there when you least expect them.
Take care x

petalmoore. I like what you said about having confidence in your own worth. It's so easy to feel low when you feel rejected. I really do think that the experience the OP is having does not reflect on her at all but says more about the group.
petalmoore, I am so sorry to hear of the illnesses you have had to endure. I admire you for getting through them and being able to speak so helpfully about the experiences you had. I sincerely hope you are much better now and that life is going well for you.
I tend to isolate myself these days, but then my life is different and I am old and things are very different now from when I was young with young children. Also I am not unhappy being on my own. The time still flies by!
I am confident that this young mum will make some friends just in the daily rounds of life. Taking her baby to the various baby groups is a good start. Just mixing with others, it doesn't have to be a close relationship.