My 34 yr old married Daughter has said she will come to Butlins for an adult music weekend. I said I would pay.
She HAD to ask her husband & he said yes then 2 hrs after I had paid for it he changed his mind & said she can’t go & she’s doing what he said.
Even though she invited her longest friend who mum is my longest friend so they aren’t happy with her either.
Iv been asking her everyday for 2 weeks if she will please come
Then I said it’s not fair that I still have to pay as she’s not going & I would like her husband to pay me back as it due to him that she will not come I also said if she can get her husband to change his mind or if we find another person to take her place I will give her the money back
She said she didn’t have the money so I said she could pay me back in instalments. After that text she’s blocked me.
I’m so hurt because this will be my last big birthday I have so many illnesses but I just wanted to spend the weekend with my Daughter my best friend & her Daughter who we have been friends with for 30 yrs my friend & her Daughter have asked her to
What can I do
He just wants us to not get on
We have had years of off & on bad relationships between each other. But her husband said she shouldn’t even want to see me because Iv upset her in the past ( as she has me very much) I
Believe in keep trying until you can try no more. And the past 6 months have been great between us
My Daughter has no relationship with her Dad but she has tried to over & over. When she was a child he said some very very sexual inappropriate things to her & he touched her breast she was 11 yrs old. His whole family disbelieved her except for her Aunt & Uncle. Then 7 yrs they got back in touch
And my Daughter has travelled 600 miles round trips in several occasions to see him to hopefully get an apology from him which he has never given
They have allowed him in their house & he’s traveled to where they live for a weekend twice
Her husband has allowed her to try & have a relationship with him but not me & this breaks my heart terribly. Why would her husband drive so far to see him after what he did, why how could he shake his hand how can they let their 2 little girls be around him.
Her Dad doesn’t even care about any of them. He gives a little birthday & Christmas money Iv done & do so much for my Granddaughters I love them more then life I love my Daughter so much too. I just can’t get my head around it & her husband hates me & my Daughter promises me that he isn’t controlling he’s a good husband & she must put him first.
Is there anything I can do.
Please help xx
nannykisses please rest now let your mind recover try and get some sleep tonight, its a new day tomorrow stop over thinking about it all just please have a rest
Tomorrow you can make some plans
We ll still all be here just rest now please
Here is a link to mental health helplines in the UK x
www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mental-health-helplines/
NannyKisses. Please please take the advice and get some help. GP will refer you to the right agency. On a lighter note I have been to these music weekends. They are great. Everyone laughing and enjoying themselves. If you feel up to it go with your friends and enjoy. Look after yourself ?????
I have counselling & even the counsellor said she would find it to go on if she had my problems & health
I’m sorry your daughter has cancelled on you.
However the comment from your counselor is terrible. It’s time to look for a new one.
I am so sorry you have so much on your plate.
Your update describes multigenerational abuse.
I agree with others you need professional help.
Coinselors concentrate on what you can do to improve, not on others around you.
The comment you mention could have been taken out of context.
It is clear you need a new counselor. The one you have now is not working.
Nannakisses I said you were the third in the marriage, because, although you justify your actions by saying that you must always be there for your grandchildren, and in principle I agree, but at the same time there is providing a separate oversight and digging your self into the family to do what you call protecting, which is damaging to all.
Right at the start of your OP, you say of the planned weekend away Iv been asking her everyday for 2 weeks if she will please come Later you say When I do & have done EVERYTHING to help them all as a family & individually debts place to live big expensive presents & lots & lots of love, then I tried that I paid for a counsellor but they wouldn’t go sometime later I paid for a mediator which they came to we signed the agreements we had both agreed to. Then with weeks he went against what he had signed that he had agree
Quite simply, can you not see that all you say means that you are far too present in your daughter's marriage, and, as a result, they treat you like dirt - and you say that yourself.
Please, please distance yourself from your daughter and her husband. You can actually help your grand daughters much more by being less involved. As I said in a previous post. If you do, they will probably either shape up, which will be good for your grand daughters or collapse and separate, which will also probably be good for your granddaughter.
However the most important way you can look after them is being hyper vigilant about them seeing their maternal grandfather and not hesitating to contact social services or the NSPCC, if you think there is any chance of contact between them, whether their parents are present or not.
But do what others recommend, ring the Samaritans, A close friend has been a samaritan for over 40 years and I know their infinite capacity to provide both a listening ear and provide you contacts for support.
OP
You are obsessed with your dd and gc.
You have made them your world and place unreasonable expectations on them.
Your sil may see that and he is trying to stop it.
It is very unhealthy to make somebody else responsible for your feelings and happiness.
Your dd is still trying to feed into this cycle but sil intervened twice to stop it.
Dear nannykisses you have had really good advice on here but you won’t see it because youre so intent on thinking only you can save this situation
Please go to the weekend with your friend forget everybody except yourself for that day or two
If you want ask the granddaughters to tea to have a little celebration either before you go or after you come back forget your daughter and son in law for now
You are obsessed and obsessing and it is driving you and them crazy which is why your son in law is trying hard to distance themselves
I really really wish you could see this as others are seeing it
Take care you sound so vulnerable
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