Husband talking to new love in the house while I am there?

I really can’t see a problem, you are living separate lives, like a house share.

So I think YABU . At least he’s taking the call in separate room.

I think it must be hard even though you are separating. I take it you are just Sharing the house till the divorce? You both want to move on but it must be really hard still seeing each other everyday.

If you have been estranged for 10 years what do you expect?
I can appreciate how hard it is for you, but you must both be ready to move on. One of you was bound to start a relationship sometime.
So I am afraid I think YABU, but I would blame the practical living arrangements, not the person.
Perhaps you could be out when he is entertaining, but if you want an adult “sharing” set-up with no more strings, it has to work both ways.
You cannot be a “dog in the manger” and I would not agree he is behaving like an adolescent.

I agree with oopsadaisy3 to an extent as you are leading separate lives and about to divorce. However it is a bit insensitive of him to conduct such long conversations in your shared house. Is one of you going to move out soon ? If so it may be better to expedite this so you can both get on with your lives. It's always hard to separate after such a long marriage. I hope things work out well for you.

I agree with Maw. It is still your Husband5’s home. Where is he supposed to go to phone?

I think this is the difference between most men and women.
A woman would not feel comfortable making the calls in earshot of an estranged husband.
A man doesn’t care who can hear.

I feel for you Helleborus. Your post has brought back some very painful memories.
I had to bear the humiliation of hearing my husband declare (on the phone) his undying love for his mistress (now wife), while I was in the same room. Leaving brochures of houses they were planning to buy together.
I can go on, but it hurts to remember. I tried my best to save the marriage but you can't clap with one hand .
In your case, it's sort of a mutual understanding, but I guess it still hurts. All the best for your future !

I think you are being unreasonable to be honest, you have been in this situation for 10 years!! So I’m not surprised one of you has got another relationship, he isn’t talking to her in the same room, I wouldn’t expect him to go outside to ring her, you are going through a divorce after all,

Yes you are being unreasonable. It’s half his house too. He can make phone calls to whoever he wants.

I think you've been pretty tolerant tbh. There's no way I'd have been subject to such humiliation as that's what it is, he'd have been out on his ear. The bloomin' cheek of him.

I think it’s really awful for you BUT if you’ve been parted 10 years surely both of you are allowed in separate lives with possible new partners or new friends you must have agreed on being just ‘room mates’ originally Did you set down any ground rules
Why hasn’t one or both of you moved it must be horrendous being in the same house but it’s a choice you ve both made and must have been happy with if you ve stayed in it for so long why have you waited ten years to get divorced and are you still going to be living together after the divorce
I couldn’t wait to get as far away as possible when I parted company there’s no way I would have shared a house
So my answer is yes painful and not the best to be hearing at all but unless you set down rules about it all those years ago I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong

I wouldn't say you are being unreasonable but you aren't being realistic, which is what your situation (and you) need.

He really doesn't have much alternative to making private calls in his own home, does he?

You, however, have alternatives to hearing it. Earplugs, radio/CD player next to your bed; TV etc.

But you know, having read your post, I have a suspicion you still have a tendresse for your husband and wish you were still his exclusive love, so perhaps some of this an understandable jealousy.

I take it you will have separate homes once the divorce comes through?

I don't understand why, if you are separated you share a house. Am I missing something?
I would feel extremely peeved if lovey-dovey voices were in my earshot.
If I were him I wouldn't want my conversations overheard either - surely it's easy enough to take your mobile phone away. Why doesn't he live with his mistress?

I remember watching Dallas a TV series about very rich oil tycoons. They only had one phone (and they seemed to share a house) so were always overhearing things they shouldn't.
I am annoyed on your behalf Helleborus and hope it's resolved soon.

Are you a new member, Helleborus?

I know exactly how you feel, because I've been there and living in the same house until it could be sold was the hardest thing to bear. It's insensitive of him to hold those conversations where you can hear them. It's rather immature behaving like a lovelorn teenager. If you needed confirmation that divorce is the right thing, it's right there in his disrespect for you.

Hold your head high and act with dignity at all times. Do not let him see that you are at all bothered by it. You will soon be in a far better place. xx

PS. The affair ended when she realised he wasn't what she thought he was. Oh how I laughed then.

Bad manners.

I can’t believe you have spent 10 years apart, together . Why?

Oops pardon my manners . Welcome to Gransnet Helloborus

Is it for financial reasons that you still share a house?

It's essentially a house share and your house mate is entitled to phone a friend.
10 years is a very long to continue sharing living accommodation with an estranged partner.

Lovely username, btw
I do like Hellebores, welcome to the garden. There are quite a few of us flowers and plants on GN.

Why does it bother you if you are getting divorced?

I can understand you finding it difficult. I agree either play the radio or use ear plugs. Try and improve your social life perhaps? I wish you well.

How is it disrespectful? The marriage is over. Neither of them has any say in what the other does unless it is abusive in some way.

There’s been no love in this marriage for over 10 years. Why shouldn’t he have someone to speak lovingly to. In a private telephone call.

As for “he’d be out on his ear” or “why doesn’t he live with his mistress” it is his home as much as the OP.

ExactlyFiachna why does it bother Helleborus, she still sounds very upset even after 10 years.

The OP hasn’t returned but maybe the ‘separation’ suits her because they aren’t actually separate ?
It doesn’t sound as though it was her idea in the first place and as long as he is still in the same house, maybe she harboured thoughts that he might decide that the divorce is a mistake?
Sadly though he has moved on, my advice would be to accept the inevitable and move the divorce proceedings along, put the house on the market next week and start a new life.
BTW I hope she isn’t still doing all the housework, washing , cooking etc.