Gransnet forums

Relationships

Page 2 of 2 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |

Does my partner have a problem ?

(31 Posts)
Add comment | Report
Flakesdayout Mon 06-Apr-20 03:47:39

Some of you may recall last August when I wrote about my Partner, his hobby and his selfishness. I was waiting for and got my medical diagnosis which wasnt nice, long story short, spent 3 weeks in Hospital having treatment and came home end November. For a while I was quite poorly and the recovery will be a long process but I am slowly getting there. My partner has been quite supportive and I think my illness gave him a scare. As my immunity has been very low I have been isolated and extremely careful when going out. Due to Covid 19 this will be ongoing and I am currently shielded. My partner is now furloughed and will not go out due to the risk of bringing the infection home.
Yesterday we had a nice day, in the garden pottering around and it was nice and relaxing. This all changed when he started to cook dinner. He opened a bottle of wine as we had no beer in the house (his tipple) and unbeknown to me he drank the whole thing and then started another bottle of Prosecco (not his drink). His mood changed. He then started complaining about the dinner, the meat wasnt right, everything was S""t and so it went on. I told him to leave his dinner and that he really had a problem. I decided to go upstairs out of the way. An hour later I heard him in the cloakroom being sick, extremely sick. He went to bed not long after. (we sleep separately)
I have been aware throughout our relationship that he likes a beer, weekends usually and if we do go out in the evening will have a few to drink. I myself am not a heavy drinker (been there done that during my divorce) and am now tee-total. What I want to ask is this is a form of alcohol dependency? What is the best way for me to deal with this?. I am planning get rid of all my bottles of Prosecco which have been collecting over the past couple of years as I do not want a repeat of today. He never gets violent when drinking but it has an awful effect on me mentally when he gets unpleasant. What are your thoughts?

Add comment | Report
Farawaynanny Mon 06-Apr-20 17:39:47

I’m sorry to say that I think he has a drink problem. My husband was alcohol dependant for the last 25 years of his life and I have experienced the behaviours you describe. As your partner is isolating he will have no opportunity to buy his alcohol. My husband drank openly and secretly. I found empty bottles in many places. After we retired to France, he took to “going for a walk” a couple of times a day and thought I couldn’t tell he’d been drinking when he got back.
There is help available both for him and for you, although that won’t be face to face at the moment but I’m sure telephone advice is available. If your partner denies there is an issue and refuses help then you need to think of your own mental health and take action. I hope you find the strength to deal with this problem.

Add comment | Report
Flakesdayout Mon 06-Apr-20 17:44:15

Thank you to everyone for your comments, suggestions and stories. Wildswan. I bought the Prosecco in Summer barbeque season before I became unwell and cannot drink now due to the medication I am on. (Dont miss it at all). Friends/family bought me them also once I came out of Hospital and at Christmas. There are about 10 bottles.

I have tried to speak to him today - he got up bright as a button and went and did some clearance of over grown shrubs in the garden. I asked him why he had to drink so much and all I got was a shrug and it he didnt want to discuss it. So i will try and tell how it makes me feel without any threat or accusations. Thank you all so much. and Keep Safe

Add comment | Report
Juicylucy Mon 06-Apr-20 17:54:46

What you explain is binge drinking starts and doesn’t know when to stop.
I have to say tho in his defence I’m not a wine drinker and if I were to drink a glass of wine my ex partner always said here we go we are in for a row tonight. Wine doesn’t sit well with some people including me. Maybe if he just sticks with his beer things will be ok.

Add comment | Report
Legs55 Mon 06-Apr-20 23:06:25

Yes I am another to say I recognise all the signs of alcohol dependency. Drinking anything you can find in the morning is one of the signs of an alcoholic, I speak from personal experience as I have been there, come through detox, returned to drinking a few times. Now I rarely drink, I am widowed (my DH was also alcohol dependent). I have motivation to stay away from alcohol, I am on a 1 year Driving Licence (I am Epileptic controlled by medication) & a blood test is taken if I have an Independent Medical. My GP Report now has to be accompanied by 6 years Blood Test Results, a good reason to abstain as I drive myself everywhere. My best motivation is my Family, I moved 5 years ago to be closer, if I started drinking I wouldn't see my DGSs

Only you know how best to handle him, perhaps a phone call to speak to your GP may help, a chat when your OH is sober, my heart goes out to you because he will only give up when he wants to, nobody can force him. Best wishesflowers

Add comment | Report
Keffie12 Wed 08-Apr-20 02:42:54

@03:47Flakesdayout I am 17 years sober so know enough to be of help. I'm simply going to leave 2 links here. One is to Alcoholics Anonymous and the other to Al-Anon

The A.A link is self explanatory. Alcoholism isn't what people think of the stereo type. It's far more complex than that. Worth looking www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/Home

Al-Anon, our sister fellowship is a support network for those who have someone in their lives where drinking is or has causing/caused a problem. I also attend this cos the ex is alcoholic, not in recovery. Whilst he is no longer anywhere near our lives his drinking effected me along with the aftermath

www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

Good luck

Page 2 of 2 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |