Porn

The evidence is there for anyone to see. Sorry but I hate the way people use gay people and the prejudice they face as some form of gotcha. Comparing consensual gay relationships with what goes on in porn is not on. Many gay men and women raise concerns about porn will you be beating them over the head with the fact homophobia exists. Are we never to raise concern about how women are exploited in numerous ways in porn, etc because prejudice towards gay people exists.

I wasn't disrespecting gay people. I was replying to a comment about allowing society to decide what is right and wrong in a sexual context and pointing out that when society is allowed to do that then people suffer.

I understand that many people have concerns about porn but there are many in the industry who are not coerced in any way. Just as in the coffee, chocolate, clothing, electronics and many other industries there are those who work freely for a proper wage and those who are coerced/slaves.

I am sure its reassuring to believe that.

Unfortunately I do have knowledge of the effect certain circumstances have on an young soul & the effects it has on the wider family, who through no fault of their own become engulfed in a world that no one should be exposed to.

Vampirequeen wrote:

"If consent is coerced then it's not consent."

There has to be some arbitrary legal age of consent. This is not the only issue.

According to the simplest rule of morality, and even at the level of reciprocity, we should act according to the wellbeing of others. To act according to the wellbeing of others icludes protecting others of any age and condition against harmful products.

Some products are intellectual products and porn is an intellectual product which is sold for profit. If any commercial product including intellectual material is toxic and lacks any benefit whatsoever it is immoral and some porn should be illegal.

Latest Update. So, I found some useful videos online which explained addiction. We agreed to watch one together after lunch as he was painting and I was working. We ate lunch He went back to painting because he forgot! I sobbed and rang Relate who were very helpful and I discussed my options. He eventually rang a therapist and we had a FaceTime consultation this week. She will work 1:1 with him each week and I will be invited to the discussion from time to time. She comes recommended by relate and was nice enough but school mistressy. She suggested I get my own therapist.

I love him but I’m going through hell, I feel like I’ve been hit by a train, he’s losing weight. It’s ghastly, he’s the last person I would have suspected of this. I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster, I’m positive about wanting to save our marriage but terrified. I can’t tell anyone and I’m putting my game face on. I’m so pleased it’s lockdown so I don’t need to see anyone.

If he reveals that he’s had sex with anyone I honestly can’t go on, I feel desperately alone.

He said I can sit in the room during the sessions as he has nothing else to hide, seems it’s been about 5 years, He watched soft porn, never escalated to anything else and did not do anything to himself whilst watching it. I’m heartbroken

I am sorry you are feeling like this. I think it would really help you to have your own therapist, that sounds like really good advice. I think it sounds like you need to explore your own feelings without your husband being there. Just take it one step at a time

Comparing the last two posts from Smedleyswife, it sounds like it’s all on a bit of a rollercoaster at the moment. There isn’t going to be a quick fix - if they are to reach an equilibrium that both are happy with, it’s going to take time, patience and generosity of spirit. I wish them well.