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Mother and friend over lockdown and visiting

(74 Posts)
mrsgreenfingers56 Wed 22-Apr-20 18:19:10

My mother is 89 and has a gentleman friend of 94 who lives in the same street. They visit each other every day and haven't stopped during lockdown. I have tried to tell both of them they shouldn't be visiting and feel mean saying that due to their ages and no family visiting like myself. But I know they should be staying apart. They both tell me they are well and not having contact with anyone else and mum's friend of 94 tells me my mum cheers his day up. And visa versus. They are both fed up (like everyone else) that they can't go to church, their little coffee mornings, W.I. men's groups etc and I fully understand but feel they are breaking the rules and don't like to push any harder than I do.

Comments please would be appreciated. What would you do if this was your mum and friend? Thanks.

Floradora9 Wed 22-Apr-20 18:25:13

I would let them get on with it . Why spoil their fun if they are not meeting anyone else at their age what time have they left ?

Kittye Wed 22-Apr-20 18:26:51

Same as Floradora 😊

Baggs Wed 22-Apr-20 18:28:23

I'd leave them alone. They are not harming anyone else and when you get to those ages what is the point of hanging on so that you can see each other some unknown time in the future. You might not even have much of a future.

Life is for living, perhaps especially if you know the rest of it might be short. As Tennyson said in Ulysses: "Life piled on life were all too little, and of one to me little remains....and vile it were for some three suns to store and hoard myself and this grey spirit..."

Luckygirl Wed 22-Apr-20 19:09:02

I would leave them to it - they are not putting anyone else at risk.

mumofmadboys Wed 22-Apr-20 19:14:25

If they lived together, they would be together the whole time. I agree with previous comments. They are only putting themselves at risk. Let them enjoy their relationship.

Smileless2012 Wed 22-Apr-20 19:14:35

I agree with everyone else. Let them enjoy one another's companysmile.

MissAdventure Wed 22-Apr-20 19:14:44

Another vote to let them carry on enjoying their time together. smile

MerylStreep Wed 22-Apr-20 19:14:47

I hope there isn't another pandemic when you are your mothers age and your lucky enough to find a friend to share your latter years with. Think on.

mrsgreenfingers56 Wed 22-Apr-20 19:36:15

Oh I feel better already reading your comments! Obviously I just want them both to be safe and well but happy as well which they are and at their ages this friendship is a real blessing to both of them.

Thanks Ladies!

Iam64 Wed 22-Apr-20 19:46:03

Yes, leave them to it.
Also, if your mum and her friend are anything like my mum (and her friend) you'll be wasting energy trying to persuade them of anything. to be honest, at their time of life, enjoying things is key x

jacq10 Wed 22-Apr-20 20:32:21

There is nothing worse than being lonely especially at their respective ages. As long as they are not putting anyone else at risk I think it will really help them get through this difficult time.

Doodle Wed 22-Apr-20 20:34:14

Let them be together. At their ages life is too short not to have company. Nice they have that sort of relationship

Hetty58 Wed 22-Apr-20 20:40:48

I can't see a problem with it - if they are isolating for the rest of the time. If they have other visitors or go shopping, then it's dodgy.

Liz46 Wed 22-Apr-20 20:43:22

It doesn't sound as though there is much risk here. Leave them to it.

I have been told to stay in for 12 weeks. I didn't go out for 5 weeks and felt very weak and unwell. We now go for a local walk in the evening and everyone is very careful to avoid getting near anyone else. We take off our shoes and wash when we get home even though we haven't touched anything.

phoenix Wed 22-Apr-20 20:51:44

Liz46 im on the 12 week thing too, but it doesn't mean you can't go out! You can go out for a walk, observing social distancing.

Nowhere did it say that you have to stay indoors!

So, good to hear that you are now getting out for some fresh air and exercise!

Starblaze Wed 22-Apr-20 20:56:38

This is ridiculously adorable. They should definitely carry on.

Bridie22 Wed 22-Apr-20 22:22:58

My letter says to stay indoors at all times ??

NotAGran55 Wed 22-Apr-20 22:33:52

If neither of them are having any contact with anyone else then there is no problem .
Here’s wishing them many happy years of friendship x

Callistemon Wed 22-Apr-20 23:29:08

I can't see a problem if they are not seeing anyone else at all and not getting close to people in the street.

It doesn't sound as if your Mum and her friend have had the particular shielding letter sent to those who must stay at home for 12 weeks.
Even then, if they are not going anywhere else and seeing no-one else at all, it should be fine.

GrannySomerset Wed 22-Apr-20 23:38:13

How I envy your mama, Mrsgreenfingers! Her zest for life is amazing and enviable and, as others have commented, they are not endangering others. Good luck to them.

Hetty58 Wed 22-Apr-20 23:44:05

Bridie22, you are quite right. The government advice for the clinically extremely vulnerable:

Staying at home and shielding
You’re strongly advised to stay at home at all times and avoid any face-to-face contact if you’re clinically extremely vulnerable to protect yourself.

This is called ‘shielding’.

Shielding means:

Do not leave your house.
Do not attend any gatherings. This includes gatherings of friends and families in private spaces, for example, family homes, weddings and religious services.
Strictly avoid contact with someone who is displaying symptoms of coronavirus (COVID-19). These symptoms include high temperature and/or new and continuous cough.
The Government is currently advising people to shield until the end of June and is regularly monitoring this position.

Eloethan Thu 23-Apr-20 01:15:43

If they're not going back to a home where other people live, I can't see what the problem is.

People of an advanced age are no doubt aware that their days are numbered and, to my mind anyway, it is cruel to leave them in total isolation and told not to leave their homes, with no end in sight. There is now talk that restrictions may go on until the end of the year or even later.

I support the distancing measures when out of the home and particularly in shops but I do think a little common sense and flexibility should be applied in situations such as this.

Franbern Fri 24-Apr-20 10:11:07

This is so lovely. Do not interfere. They are both much more likely to lose the will to live, if they cannot have this meeting each day. That, at their age, would be very dangerous. They are so fortunate to have each other.
For those in 12 week shielding, surely going into your own garden each day (whilst the weather is good) is to be encouraged. Very unhealthy at all levels staying indoors for so long.

Teetime Fri 24-Apr-20 10:13:59

Good for them sounds like they have done their risk assessment.