60 soon - and feeling like I've had enough

What a lovely positive message -

gillybob,
You have done things, and gone places. Just look back through your memories, and bask in the happy ones.
Look at how many folk on here are supportive.
At the end of every tunnel there is light, think how many torches are being held for you, by the posters on here.

I feel the same as you VerySky . I am 58 and feel like I’ve done nothing, achieved nothing and enjoyed very little. No friends to talk to , no exciting holidays to look forward to, just more of the same until I either drop dead from stress, or my MS gets so bad I can’t go on, or else work my guts out until I’m 67 and can draw my state pension. I have no private pension either .

I don’t think I’m depressed. This is just how it is .

You sound as though a course of Prozac would help. I used it after nursing my husband through a terminal illness and after about a month on it noticed a positive change.
In time I gradually reduced the dose and frankly I would not hesitate to use it again if required.

VerySky - please be encouraged that you are not alone in experiencing these feelings. There is still love and compassion in the world. Each day is new. The past is gone. I have found tremendous help in reading books by Eckhart Tolle which you can also get free online. Also material by Jose Silva about how to heal. You have no doubt gained much in knowledge and experience throughout your life which is not wasted. You are a unique and amazing human being. Wishing you every good thing.

BTW, if you check you will see I have sent you a pm.

VerySky … If you read but don't comment, do let us know how you are getting on.
Even if it's just to say your around.

I can empathise with some of the feelings you describe, and even if nothing has changed, it would be good to hear from you.

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

TheNHS website has an excellent evidence based questionnaire which helps identify and describe how you are feeling. It’s simple to access online and you could complete it and use it to start a discussion with your GP about the best way to proceed. (It will also speed up access to treatment as GPs usually hand it out at first appointment and you will be one step ahead).
Wishing you all the best. Keep us updated.

I think VerySky that it might be a good idea to start your day be doing a couple of pages of journalling. It helps to think through all your thoughts and clarify how you feel.

Well said Oopsadaisy3 medication can play its part in helping with low mood/depression and should not be discounted.

25Avalon

I think this is common to most of us. Being shut up as we have been and for some still are is not good for mental health.

I agree with you.

Puzzled I hope you meant drugs and not Pills for the OP, sometimes despite our best efforts we find that medication is The only way to get perspective in our lives and it can be the difference between living and death.
Verysky please speak to your GP as soon as you can.

Think of all the good things that have happened in your life!
You have lived to 60.
You have had successful relationships with people
You have been able to get and hold down jobs.
There are all the folk on here who want to help you.
You may not know them face to face but they want to help you.

May be hard to believe, but there are people out there in a worse state than you, Bereaved, disabled, homeless, existing in a war zone, living in terror of crime..
Count your blessings, you may think that this is hard to do, but there will be many.
If you have a pet, they will bring you comfort and companionship.
Find a real friend, face to face, in whom you can confide.
A trouble shared is a trouble halved!
You have already started down this road.
Carry on!

Things not to do;
DON'T hit the bottle. Alcohol may deaden the pain for a time, but will leave you even more depressed afterwards.
Drugs will damage your physical and mental health.

Granny23, that's my point, what you wrote above. you had those pensions, which equal money, and without which you could not have done what you did in your 60s.
as for the person who said you don't need money to be happy, i don't see how one can be happy without it; destitution is not a happy state, insecurity, worry about bills, the constant stress is very wearing.

Verysky don't be afraid to take medication if its offered. It can help in the short term along with counselling etc.

VerySky I appreciate your referencing me. I cannot imagine how someone devoid of sensitivity could learn anything at all. Feeling sad and knowing and accepting I feel sad is good for me.

I didn't give a full picture of past and current difficult stuff I've experienced in my post, its just not possible. So it is a bit unrealistic of me to expect people to magically "understand" my situation. But thank you all for your words of support and advice .

I think being sensitive (Alexa mentions this) probably doesn't help in difficult lives. Though there is an upside to sensitivity, when you are able to appreciate the good things in life.

I'm quite introspective and have had therapy and counselling in the past, but am reluctant to go down that route again, for various reason. Pills ... reluctant there too ... but will see how it goes and will see my GP if necessary.

For the moment I will just see how things go is all I feel I can realistically do and hope things improve ...

Thanks again.

My D here in her 58th year is having to go down the" fostering "route because of difficulties with my GD.( her D )
At the moment my D's looking after 3 children and there is a possibility there could be a 4th to look after.

Owing to circumstances, her single life is ended with no more hopping on a flight to see her friend in New York which at first made her feel a bit down, but these children are her GC and she'd always put them first no matter what.

Her own life was never a bed of roses but she coped and got through it all and was enjoying life----then this bombshell.
She'll now have children, I suspect, well into her 60's but as long as I'm around I can help/support where and when necessary.

I wasn't altogether happy about the " fostering " aspect as to me it spelt controlling and they're her GC not foster children but seemingly this is where the law has you by the scruff of the neck and you have to abide by the rules. Emotional blackmail I'd call it.

We as a family haven't got time to think about getting old etc. As usual, we're thrown into everything at the deep end.

Verysky you are not alone. Lockdown has brought everything to the surface because there is little other to do and too much time to think.
By 60 we have all experienced the issues you mention, we've all known love and loss, all been broken and lost a bit of ourselves.
Can't change that. Can't go back. Hopefully learn from those experiences but it doesn't mask the pain, guilt, regret.
I find losing myself in the garden, plants, flowers, nature, wildlife lifts me.
I think also we realise that mistakes made in you're 30s, 40s, 50s - more often than not we've time to attempt to put them right. Now, in the autumn of our lives, when we get it wrong we may not be given the years it takes to do that.
I suppose what I'm saying is you're far from alone with your thoughts, at any time but especially during these days of lockdown.

Its not easy when you feel like this. Writing down how you feel helps a bit and making very small steps. It sounds as though you have had a lot of challenges but fought your way through. Definitely not a failure.
But I do think you should get an appointment with your GP.
Wishing you all the best.

Bluebell is right, pills are not the answer to all problems. You just need to have a change of thinking. Whatever has happened in the past, put it behind you and make positive plans for the future.

Sad post to read. Very Sky I don't think there are many people who don't have moments of either regrets or what ifs? Doubt you are alone.

You are half way to recovery by admitting how you feel, even just on here.

Obviously we are speaking blind as no idea what you have had to endure.

People deal with things differently, half full, half empty?

I disagree that you need money or other people to make you happy. Happiness comes from within. A cliche but it is true. Some people will walk in the country and fail to appreciate the flowers, trees, bees, butterflies. Some people will walk in cities and fail to see beauty in buildings etc. Those who do, rarely feel sad or depressed. They take it all in. Books are another source of enjoyment but some people don't appreciate it. Constant learning about everything and anything brings so much more into your life.

Animals too, bring another purpose and joy. Looking after another living creature is amazing therapy. Walking dogs brings lots of positivity and the opportunity to speak to other dog walkers. Cats are fabulous comforters too as are other small animals as they are dependent on you.

The only thing is, all this can only come from you. So you either sit back and think your life is over or you determine to change your life. Sadly nobody can do this for you, not even therapists. Over to you.

welbeck but a large part of it being possible must have been having enough money to do so - on the contrary, I only had my OAP and a minuscule private pension (£180 a month) as having worked in the Third Sector I had no works pension and was used to a small salary and living frugally. All our travel was done on a shoe string, via last minute and out of season bookings, not possible when you are having to book time off months in advance.

VerySky, I know how you feel. I feel the same way. My life is OK but I don't want another 20 years of it. It has been and is one long slog. Nothing has ever been easy. I have had to fight tooth and nail to get where I am now, which is OK, but no pension until 67 and I can't work that long.

Not suicidal but not wanting much more either.

I'm sure you're not a failure very sky you know how to use a computer or mobile phone or whatever you used to post your message.

Most of us will never set the world alight but we can have small victories in our ordinary everyday lives. Reaching 60 is a milestone and reaching it during these peculiar times has no doubt put it into sharper focus.

Look for small blessings, I'm sure you have a few, your health perhaps, not being in pain, etc. You won't feel this low for ever. Take small steps each day.