Racist friends

Marjgran There’s nothing peculiar about my post. There’s a direct correlation to adolescent boys going off the rails and the lack of a father in the household.

If 70% of black boys grow up without a father that can in some way explain why they get in with a bad group/gang and get into trouble. Many older black men have many children with different women. Maybe you don’t agree that father’s should stick around or that those offspring aren’t disadvantaged?

I am wondering now after all these years the statues are being removed. This is part of our heritage history. Can they not look and see how things have changed for the better over the years. When they see these statues explain to the younger generation how things use to be and the changes that have been made over the years. Yes! some of them did gain from slavery but in this day and age I can't see any slavery at all. We had the cotton mills where children were used in the factories and these were children from all backgrounds. My children were brought us with neighbours on both sides being of different backgrounds but colour never stopped them being friends even to this day.

It must have been a horrible shock for you! I've always thought Britain a tolerant country with only the odd bigot who was the exception rather than the rule. My black friends and my sons' black friends have never ever said anything different. Having watched the events of last weekend it seems I was completely wrong. I felt as if I'd opened a cupboard in my clean house and found a nest of snakes living there. How is it possible that we had all been living in a country that didn't actually exist?

I would say that you were sorry to lose them as friends but racism should be a thing of the past not the present. My daughter in law is Filipino and my grandchildren are Anglopino their cousins are Irish/ Filipino, Chinese/ Filipino,
We rejoice in their differences all are equal and beautiful. If anyone cannot see that I feel sorry for them but would no longer befriend them.

My daughter suggested I have compassion when I come up against 'friends & family!' With opinions different from mine.
Lack of education & ingrained bigoted views are a result of our experiences from childhood.
No one is born racist in fact children are very open to all friends.
Only education & raising consciousness will help open people's minds to other POV.
We have a responsibility to try to do that.
If you are met with ingrained intolerance there is only so much you can do.
Either accept that some people are unwilling to change and move on, or continue to show by example other ways of being.
It is hard but no change comes without continuous concerted effort.

Racism is unacceptable , my friends know me well enough to be aware that they would get very short shrift from me if any of them expressed racist views.

You do not need racist friends. Drop them and tell them why.

They KNOW you are from a multi-ethnic family? What an insult! I would be fuming! I have mixed-race grown up children (from a previous marriage), and occasionally have to listen to my 90 year old MiL spouting racist nonsense. I sometimes, gently, explain why her comments are wrong. Out of respect for the fact that she comes from a very different age (and probably won't be around for much longer) I usually just "let it go". But if ANY of my friends said racist things, we would no longer be friends!

Racism takes many forms. My late father was Lithuanian and my mother Irish. They endured racism wherever they went and found it almost impossible to find somewhere to live until friends took them in. My sister and I endured taunts of "communists " at school. We didn't even know what it mean't, and neither did the kids who taunted us, so I wonder where that came from? In the end our father changed our surname to make it easier for us at school. As a nurse I worked with many nationalities. Some were lovely, some were not, just like anywhere. I also dated many different nationalities, and guess what? We're all the same.

Gagjo, you are right to 'call them out'. Racism should never be tolerated.
Don't write them off, talk to them, keep talking to them. We can't change attitudes with silence.
I too have a multi ethnic family and am fully aware of the horrors of racism.
We must never stop discussing and educating but always by peaceful means.

I am confused by your post. I have friends of many races but I have never thought of them as anything but people. I don’t see their colour, just see them as friends. I understand where BLM comes from, but I think All lives matter (ALM).

It is a difficult situation when someone close to you discloses how racist they are. What if it is a family member and despite you informing them how unacceptable you find their remarks they continue, to the point that you tell them not to talk to you about what is going on at the moment with the protests etc?? Is that the right thing to do or should you keep trying to change them and ending up with an argument, life is difficult enough at the moment without all this adding to it.

So what is it they are saying, OP, that is bothering you so much? Can you give some examples?

Apegirl, that denies the existence of racsim. The POINT of BLM is that currently, black lives matter LESS than white lives.

All lives matter is a covert form of racism. Not until we achieve equality will that be an acceptable statement.

I find that if I jump into any discussion with racist friends it fuels the fire so I tend to change the subject. I think a lot of people come across as racist when really they don’t understand why the riots and looting instead of peaceful protest. People that are just Bigots I block or boot off my social media. I have and never will see a person through their colour, race or religion but as the person they are

aepgirl how about "Black Lives Matter Too"?
Does that make more sense to you?

Just read Peardrop 50's comment, "you can't change attitude with silence". So well said.
Surely if ever there was a time for open, plain honesty it's now. Every nation has been subject to slavery, the Romans and Vikings sold slaves, Barbery Coast Pirates emptied whole communities along the Western Seaboard, human trafficking is going on in nail bars and car washes right now under people's noses. Speaking out for the vulnerable is important more than ever and that applies to everyone, race, religion, background, Everyone..
There's a helpline for suspected modern slavery by the way. Will look it up. Thanks Peardrop 50..

You don’t share what actually transpired between you and your friends. Maybe you need to clarify what they actually think and more importantly how they behave and conduct their lives before you end a long term friendship.
As for Blacks Lives Matter, black lives DO matter and George Floyd did not deserve to die. However, the BLM organization is a racist one. Here in the US, they refused to allow Jewish women to participate in the Women’s March on Washington. To date, they have since erased their antisemitic rhetoric from their website. However, politics is tricky business and information and education is key. Explore more before you jump to conclusions.

All lives matter is a covert form of racism

How so?

If their comments are objections to big demonstrations, tearing down the statue in Bristol etc. Then a reasoned debate and, if it goes nowhere, agreeing to differ might be in order. However, if their expressed views are clearly racist. Why would you want to continue to call them friends? You talk about dropping 20-year-friendships, but if you had known at the start, could you have liked them and wanted them as friends?

tickingbird

*All lives matter is a covert form of racism*

How so?

Because white lives have always mattered. Black lives matter is making the point that they do too. To reply with all lives matter is dismissive of that important point.

tickingbird
In what way would you see the slogan All Lives Matter being useful in a campaign against racism?

I was shocked to read my adult nephew's FB post the other day, in long sprawling posts (with very clever words in them) he appears to be very racist and not in support of the BLM. He grew up in South Africa but his father, my brother, is not at all racist. On the bright side several of his friends challenged him, I am still not sure if he was debating the point or is this what he truly believed.

I find it very strange when people like to insist that they don’t notice a person’s colour as it’s simply not true is it ?

When we see someone our brains automatically register lots of facts about them and of course their skin colour is one along with their size and their clothes and other aspects of them.

That has nothing whatsoever to do with racism.

Then of course we have the problem of officially defining racism as it means different things to different people.

Yes we obviously recognise (and hate) openly nasty racist comments about a person, but sometimes offence is taken when just the opposite was intended.

I remember reading a while ago on GN when a poster mentioned how she had told a black woman how much she liked her black curly hair.

She was then told that the comment was racist.

Is it any wonder some of us are confused?

Are there no black or brown or mixed race Grans on this thread?