Moving away from family

Men sometimes act like overgrown children, don't they, not wanting to share the attention. It doesn't sound like you're being unreasonable to me. Very strange about the house. Maybe he'll move in to it and you could have one of those 'apart but together' marriages.

Morley58 Is there more to this than spending time with family and grandchildren. Some few years ago I moved North, 300 miles, to be near my daughter. What initially difficult to adjust to was the cultural difference. Life in an independent minded cosmopolitan South very different to the tribal orientated North. I now embrace my life in one of the most beautiful counties in England among kind hearted helpful people and so very glad I came.

That was a surprise to hear the other side of the story!!! Not sure if the last 2 posts realised Mr Morley had popped up!! I have nothing to add except to comment that there are always 2 sides to a story!

Neutrino . Why did you feel it was necessary to defend yourself here? Do you normally use Gransnet? Morley asked for advice and whether she gave us all the relevant information is up to her. You get back what you put in. This is mostly an anonymous site so why get involved? No one knows or cares you you are! Your response rings alarm bells with me whatever the rights and wrongs are in this situation. Makes me wonder who is in charge here despite you trying to come across as a very reasonable individual.

I love Gransnet

Alas. Two problems. 1-- he is a man, so is selfish by birth. 2-- he has never had a wife or children so has never felt the need to put anyone else before himself. There may be reasons why he never married before. If he loved you he would want to be a part of your family. You say you don't do things he wants to do when with your grandkids. Well, isn't a part of being a mature adult, sometimes doing things you don't particularly want to for the sake of others.

Neutrino instead of asking friends, if you really care about your relationship why not go with your wife for a counselling session with Relate as I have previously suggested?

No, I didn't read the husband's response before I posted. That was an interesting development that I don't think I've come across on Gransnet before, and it sure bolted me out of this heatwave sleepiness that is taking over! However, looks like my 'apart but together' comment was quite near the mark. If you really do love each other and want the best for each other, I'm sure it could work out. But I'm no expert in these things! (I do still think that very many men are grown up babies though - sorry!)

Very interesting to read the other side of the story!
Maybe a compromise of spending time in each house could help to recreate a relationship on all sides. Failing that, it could help to crystallise the thoughts of each of you. I hope the way ahead becomes clearer.

Just reread husband's post: 'This response is obviously to my wife and not to the good people posting on Gransnet.' Hang on a minute. So why not send it privately to her then rather than post on a public forum? Wondering if it is a bit 'creepy' after all.

If Neutrino and Morley usually communicate via social media websites, maybe that's why they're having the problems they are. How about having a face to face conversation chaps?

Yes I've never seen a partner respond on GN before either. I agree with Chewbacca you need to talk honestly to each other not on here.

Libyan. What a nasty post. Neutrino has a right of reply, and he comes across, to me at least, as a reasonable man. Many families find it hard to come to terms with a replacement for their father, and it sounds like Morley’s family have sidelined him. He seems prepared to accept the situation, as long as he gets his fair share of love and attention, but seems convinced that this isn’t going to be the case.
As I said in my previous post the only way to solve this problem is to have a good discussion about it. Surely it’s possible to reach a compromise about the allocation of time and activities. If Morley prioritises her family, and doesn’t enjoy spending time with her husband, then there’s not much hope of a happy marriage.

Sorry Libman, not Libyan. Darn auto-correct!

Something to bear in mind, GC grow up and grow away from you. AC can experience live changing events that may bring changes in their lives. The situation can change, but can’t be forseen.
If you give up your marriage you might regret it.
If you love your husband, try to find a compromise

I'm always surprised by the number of recommendations to 'dump' a partner just because he/she doesn't fit in with one party's wants. You must have once loved each other even if you no longer do, so surely a marriage is worth saving unless its really abusive.
I understand why Netrino feels left out, he's probably correct in thinking Morley's family sideline him, he's the 'wicked stepfather' and they've made it clear they'd prefer him to stay away - so if I were him I'd stay away for anything but big occasions.
But to suggest Morley ditch him at behest of her first family is cruel and IMO quite wrong and not a first response surely?

I see no sign of joint friends? OP seems to have her family, her husband his friends, to me that’s unusual. So they already have their separate ‘circles’.

Always remember about the AC who turn against us their parents and side with their partners and then leave us the grandparents without any contact.
If you let your AC control your life is that any better or worse than allowing a husband/partner to control your life?

No, I didn't read the husband's response before I posted. That was an interesting development that I don't think I've come across on Gransnet before,

It's happened before - once as far as I'm aware but could be more.

Girls, ya have to be careful!

There is no compromise being offered or suggestions by him for ways forward so that you can stay together which I think says it all. He's already made his own choice with the purchase of another home. Perhaps what he wants now is to force your hand to follow him or perhaps what he wants to do is shift any responsibility for his actions on to your failure to comply with his decisions. Really sorry but it sounds very much that he has already left the marriage.

Yes absolutely right the two of you need to sit down and talk together about what is important to you both as individuals and as a couple. Do you want to stay together or do you want different things out of life? What brought you together in the first place? What interests do you share? How do you see your long term future? What if anything are you prepared to compromise on? Put aside time for this if you want your relationship to flourish. I am sure your family would be devastated if they knew the conflict that you are going through. Put yourselves first and take time to concentrate on what matters to both of you. Only then can you decide if you have a future together. All good wishes.

It seems to me that Rob Titchener is alive and well.

FHS read the last post on the previous page.

Not you Grannylaine.

Thanks for clarifying Oops