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My husband is very hostile towards my grandchildren

(180 Posts)
CreamTeas Fri 14-Aug-20 09:38:44

Honestly, I could cry! We are both on our second marriage. We have been married 3 years and known each other for 7.
He has children and grandchildren he seldom sees although they live quite close. I have one daughter I am very close to and she has two children. Since we married she has had another child and I sometimes look after her. I used to care for her in her home while my husband was at work. I haven't seen them at all since lockdown but they have started to visit again, and I have returned to looking after the now 2 year old while daughter is at work one day a week. She comes to us now so she can play at Grandmas.
My Husband objects. He has now retired and wants us to spend the extra time together, with no kids. He is awful to the little one, ignoring her and rolling his eyes or huffing off elsewhere. Its almost as if he is jealous of her. My daughter is very concerned as she senses he doesn't want my family around. I have tried to talk to him, reassuring him that they won't come between us but he storms off refusing to discuss. On the very rare occasions his daughter, son in law and grandchildren visit I make a huge effort to make them welcome, preparing a lovely meal and doing all the clearing up so that husband can spend quality time with his family. I ask him why should his reaction be different towards my granddaughter from MY reaction towards HIS? He said he doesn't see his as often, and they are older. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions as this is making me very unhappy.

Honeysuckleberries Tue 28-Jun-22 00:54:43

This thread is 2 years old!

Mamma66 Tue 28-Jun-22 02:44:16

Does this feel out of character for him? Whist his behaviour has been awful, I can’t help wonder if there are two possible scenarios here.

1. He is controlling and has some rather unpleasant characteristics; you may have suspected this on some level, but are only really beginning to acknowledge it now.
2. This is totally out of character and you have been surprised by his attitude.

If the first answer is correct, then you need to have a really careful think about your relationship in the long term IMO.

If this seems oddly out of character, could he be depressed? Some people really struggle with retirement.

I suspect you will know in your heart of hearts which is nearer the truth. Whatever the case, be brave, you can get through this.

Bonpen Tue 28-Jun-22 11:11:13

I do feel for you as I was in a similar situation. It was my second marriage and my husband reacted as yours. In the end my daughter stopped bringing the grandchildren and it was the beginning of the end of my marriage. Whilst we were together I sought advice and it seemed he had Aspergers syndrome whereby one of the symptons is disliking children's company. I do hope you can get things sorted.

Caleo Tue 28-Jun-22 13:00:01

Maybe he is bored by kids. Maybe he's disappointed you prefer the company of a child to his company. After all, it's not as as if you regard the child care as a duty, you actually love the child care.

He is having difficulty adjusting his preferences to your preferences, and vice versa. No blame to either you or him.