Old age? Affair? Dementia? Confused by DH

I agree!

I think it does sound like the start of something like dementia. My mum had it and she had a personality change. What about taking advice from the Alzheimer’s Society? They may have a helpline you could ring. It could of course be what others have said, appreciating life after lockdown etc. And I hope it is this but it may be worth investigating a little further. Good luck xx

I agree with everyone saying maybe you should look into things a bit further but is it possible that as he is working from home he is missing talking to people and you are getting every bit of conversation and maybe he is enjoying more time with you and feels happy. I reckon you better try talking yourself and see if you can get an explanation from him. I do know that this pandemic has led to some very unexpected behaviour.

Maggie68

Oh and by the way! I don’t love him any more I don’t think I even like him he is very irritating and I am very intolerant too I admit, but why should I just carry on as if we are still together when in theory we haven’t been for years. This is not a dress rehearsal as one poster said and I only have a few quality years left in which to be happy.

Good for you. Hope you find the happiness we all look for.....

He is working at home . I suggest that he has stress of something at work lifted. This has totally lifted his mood. Research has found that those who work from home are more productive by the way.

When my late husband had a few noticeable changes to his attitudes, sleeping and talking I coaxed him to see the Dr. He had begun to sleep v heavily which was v odd and also his moods were a bit odd. I won’t go into details but it wasn’t good news as he had a serious medical issue.
Please have your worries investigated for both your sakes.

Agree with other posters saying he should see GP as this could be the start of dementia. Suggest he goes for a check up and ring to make an appointment. Usually those closest will notice changes first, months before anyone else does.

Ask him?

I would just chat to him about about it appreciatively, he may offer up some kind of unwitting explanation.

Maggie 68, I admire your bravery after such a long time together, but life is too short to be in a miserable relationship. It takes more courage to leave than stay so hope you build a happy new life and good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Ravensummer - keep an eye on the behaviour (keep a few notes of odd things he says/does). It sounds like classic disinhibition - he's saying whatever comes into his mind, regardless of appropriateness. I would look at other behaviours too - is he over-spending, for example. Could be a frontal lobe problem. I hope it's just a case of 'lockdown fever' but dementia comes in many forms, and it's better to get onto it earlier than later. Wishing you all the best.

I understand how you would worry about changes in DH's way of talking.
I am having memory lapses and walk around with an ipad to jog my memory for important things.
I start a conversation but often can't remember the word I want but feel the need to insert a word anyway so sometimes it doesn't make sense.
DH is used to this and knows that all kitchen equipment is interchangeable and does not put the dirty casserole dish in the microwave as instructed.
I don't think this can be too serious otherwise I wouldn't realise I was doing it.
Your DH seems to be displaying the same attitude as my DH did when he retired, he became a different man.

Hmm. In 2011 I started to notice subtle differences in my DHs behaviours, gait etc. I flagged up these differences to his GP but was told not to worry there was nothing going on. Later that year he was hospitalised with suspected swine flu, had a brain scan and I was told there was atrophy but it was probably early onset dementia and again dont worry. Despite vigorous objections by me nothing was followed up. Fast forward to 2016, new home in a new location. Some more odd behavious. New GP immediately orders tests and 18 months later, diagnosed with Multi System Atrophy. A rare life shortening and horrific condition. I accept that there is no cure, thete are no treatments but had we known even 3 years earlier our life decisions would have been completely different. Better to know? I can only soldier on with looking after him 24/7 woth the little help I have but determined to do my best for him everyday.

I think it is very interesting. And if it had happened to me I'd have gone with the flow and crossed my fingers ...the opposite behaviour is tolerated and accepted why shouldn't this? And I have noticed that my daughters old Jack Russell is going through a personality change in his dotage...and we take it on board and smile. He's not a worse or better dog he's just different. I think I am different ...more tolerant more curious less judgemental it is one of the gifts of age I think and hope. I'm forever seeing things as if for the first time...it's great.

lulusmf - I am sorry you are having to deal with this - I too have had to care for an OH with a neurological degenerative illness. Please get all the help you can - it can take a big toll on you. I know you want to do your best for him, but sometimes doing our best involves taking help from others and looking after ourselves too.

Maggie68
I had been relatively unhappy in my marriage and was trying without success to get things back on track when I found out he was having an affair. Once I got over the shock it was a relief really to stop having to try to make things work!
I've been alone now for quite a few years and the stuff you mention is what makes life good - eat what you want, when you want, go to bed when you want, or stay up all night, and much more. I love it when my adult children visit, but after a few days I'm starting to crave being alone again. Take this opportunity while you can and enjoy it!

Speak to him about it, as a start. He may be aware of what he's doing and/or know a reason for it.

Having a husband with Vascular Dementia I would go with your gut instinct and see your GP. I saw mine with my daughter prior to taking my husband and I’m so glad I did ! We got a fairly speedy diagnosis too, you need to know what you’re dealing with.

My husband is the exact opposite.He has become very quiet and has no comments to make about anything.In company of family or friends he contributes nothing to the conversation. Think your husband seems OK. My husband , age 78 , has cognitive impairment due to strokes. I would like my old husband back , but such is life.

harrigran please tell your doctor what is going on. I noticed similar changes with my mum and had to fight long and hard on her behalf. She was eventually prescribed medication which halted the decline. As a result she had a much better quality of life.

RavenSummer

My husbands comments after reading your problem are that perhaps after being at home for months, and having reached the age of 68 and still working, he can now see that life wouldn't be too bad if he retired, maybe he has started to look forward to life after work and, started to "wake up and smell the roses", or as he has read a book on mindfulness.

MawB the answer to the venison quote is surely a typo, I would have thought you of all people would have worked that out

Further to my post above and various other Gransnetters' contributions: a change in behaviour (even if it seems fairly innocuous) is not to be ignored. If it is dementia, say front-temporal, then knowing that will help the family to plan ahead. If it is vascular dementia, then treatments to prevent further TIAs and strokes can be started. Rarely, it might be a sign of a brain tumour. I'm not a neurologist, but I do have relevant personal and professional background.

what about taking a leaf out if his book?

It could be any number of things. After all the virus stuff going on he may just be enjoying everything around him hence the need to comment . He may actually feel you are a bit down so he is trying to jolly you on. He could be stress free so is finding a new zest for life.

Only you and he will know so try chatting about it. You might find a new zest together.

I agree with NemosMum. Don't just ignore it. Note down all the changes you see - forgetting items or names of things, difficulty making decisions, whether he has mood swings or just this elevated mood,any problems carrying out tasks, can he still do puzzles that he would normally have liked ( crosswords, sudoku...)?
Even if this elevated mood is the only change, I would get professional advice if your gut instinct is that something is off.
Hopefully, it's maybe just a change in outlook due to circumstances around Covid or enjoying spending more time with you, but I wouldn't just ignore it.