Do I call Social Services? I really could use some help?

I understand why you are reluctant to go behind your son's back because it might result in you losing contact with your GD; and it is clear she regards you as a safe person.

But you must get advice about this; and the NSPCC helpline is a good route to start with. Explain it all to them - maybe even forward your post to them - they will help and support you to do the right thing.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this awful situation.

A lot of good advice on here. I will echo what others have said, contact SS.

skittles is a popular pastime, line em up and see how many you can knock down with one roll...

i agree, there should certainly be some reporting.

Hello! SadNanna! Are you there?

NSPCC helpline 0808 800 5000

I hope she has reported this. If this is the way her son acts when she is around , I dread to think about when he is in his own with the little girl.
Please SadNana do something before it is too late.

SadNana29. I didn’t respond to your post as everyone was giving you the correct advice but I do keep checking to see what steps you have taken.
I know you must be fully occupied but it would be lovely if you could get back to us and let us know that your granddaughter is being protected from your son.

Hello thank you for all your replies and support. Yes I am afraid of him. Not for violence but for the fact he could take what little access I do have to her.

I have called NSPCC and they are going to log this and did ask if I wanted the concern passing onto SS. I can't lie I am terrified that he will find out it is me and not let me see her. I did ask to remain anonymous.

All your replies have made me feel so supported. Thank you. As I am not allowed to talk to anyone. DIL or even her family members because they will just tell DIL that I have spoken to them and then DIL will tell him etc....

I drive by where DILs mother works and I am so tempted to go in and just do it. It's like living in a bad film.

You have no idea how much it means to me to know that I have support out there. I would rather he didn't see her at all. To say all this about your Son who had what I consider to be a privileged upbringing. Certainly compared to mine. Maybe that is the issue. I created a monster in giving my son everything I didn't have. I know that I certainly wouldn't have been able to speak to my parents the way he speaks to me.

SadNanna you have done the right thing, I do hope though that the NSPCC are going to do more than just 'log this'
Sending you kind thoughts

SadNanna, this is such an appalling situation for you and your little granddaughter. We were worried when you hadn't responded. I am not familiar with the workings of the NSPCC, or what action they take when receiving reports of this kind. I don't see how your son can stop you seeing your grandaughter, when it is obvious that she cares for you and is frightened of her father. I do hope you have a family member or friend who is able to offer emotional support. Please let us know how you are and what progress is being made. Thinking of you.

Well done SadNanna doing what you have done anonymously took a great deal of courage. As Patsy has asked, please let us know of any progress.

Oh sadnana I m so pleased you have come back to tell us what’s happening and I m glad you have made one call, did the NSPCC agree that he is abusing the child did they put your mind at rest that you’re not imagining it? Will they do more than make a note of it ?
Please don’t beat yourself up none of us know how our children will turn out we do our best to bring them up with a sense of responsibility, compassion and honesty but what happens along the way no one can predict I ve known the nicest professional well educated people who have a rogue child who takes the complete opposite route
May I ask does he live alone ? why does he have so much access to the little girl ? You say four or sometimes five days Is the mum good with the child is she not questioning the tears the obvious ‘not wanting to go to a Daddy’s’ and the bruises ?
If I had a child come home with a bruise on her forehead I d be asking a lot of questions
How does the mum get on with him you say he’s fixated on her but they ve parted so obviously she’s not fixated on him, has he bullied her, hit her?
He’s controlling the little girl in a horribly bullying way and he’s controlling you too you do realise that don’t you I realise you are terrified that what you do will make it worse I totally understand that could you send an anonymous letter to your daughter in law simply saying your child is being abused by her father Nothing to indicate it’s you but enough to raise her awareness This is such a hard and terribly sad problem
We are all here for you

I know you have spoken to the NSPCC but I would still be inclined to contact social services.

There is no way that a Mother can be kept in the dark about this......surely anyone can see this?
As BlueBelle says..why does he have so much access if he isn’t interested in her?
Your son or no, if you didn’t tell the child’s Mother about these goings ons then there is something very wrong.
What Grandma would put her own desires ( being kept from access to her grandchild) above safety issues?
I have to disagree with posters who say you have been brave,
As being brave would be telling his ex wife and threatening to get police or SS involved.
In your situation I wouldn’t be asking strangers on an online forum for advice, or support.If there are threats to your grand child you already know what to do.

What an absolutely terrible situation, hearbreaking. I normally hate confrontation and very often won't stand up for myself, but when it comes to children or animals being ill-treated, I'm a real hot-head. I'm raging on your behalf - no matter how frightened of your son you are, you must inform your ex-DIL immediately of your concerns and follow through with reporting him to SS. My God if it was my son, who I love dearly, I wouldn't hesitate in taking the child's side, even if it meant alienating my son; I would be wanting to take the child back to my house and locking the door, such is the strength of my feelings (not very helpful I know and I'm not for one moment suggesting you do this). And don't worry about access, a friend of mine was denied access to her GD - her son, the father of the child - had split up from the mother who just decided to deny access to the father and his family. She took the mother to court and she and her son have now been granted very generous access. Your son is an adult with all the power, his daughter is a defenceless, innocent child; you can stand up to your son, (you have to) your GD cannot. You have made the first move to step in and put a stop to this abuse, well done, please carry on and do all you can to get your GD away from her bully of a father.

GillT57

Sorry, I know he is your son, but report the bastard.

Yes.
Your DIL needs to have full custody with your help.
NSPCC will take this seriously and will contact Social Services. If they do not then contact Social Services direct.

He should be prosecuted for child abuse.

Yes, call the police if you get no joy from NSPCC or SS.

You obviously find difficulty in standing up to this nasty abusive bully.

You have been brave, I understand how frightening this is. I dont think you are putting your desires first but I do think your understandable fears of losing contact are making you so wary that you are more hesitant than you might be in other situations.

Try to be even braver and ring social services too. Did the NSPCC ask for address where child is with her father? If not there seems little they can do. Did they tell you any action other than logging. If not then that isnt going to bring urgent help to your little granddaughter.

I also think that DIL needs to know about your concerns ...presumably she is aware from when they were still together about his attitude? Can you use that as a way in? Does she know he is threatening to cut you off? Would your DIL agree with him on that?

In the end the only way out of this awful situation for your little granddaughter is for someone to get the authorities involved and to keep pushing until something is done about the danger, emotionally and physically that she is in. Can you be that someone for her sake, and for your own because this fear and worry cannot go on for you either?

I am so so sorry you are facing this. All my comments above are intended to help you consider the issues surrounding this situation and hopefully help you to decide on your next urgent steps

Please let us know, we are all behind you willing you on

Not that I am recommending this in your case because what you report is specific to certain situations where only you and your son and granddaughter were present, but you can always always request anonymity. If you havnt done so already talk to your dil, otherwise for your granddaughters protection ring and discuss with social services.
When we visited after getting similar referrals it was interesting how the parent would often say they knew who had referred (but they were always wrong).

SadNanna29, Report asap, do not hesitate. You owe it to your granddaughter. How would you ever live with yourself if something bad happened?

You have taken the first step but is it enough? I'm trying to think how the NSPCC might react to an anonymous claim? Would they simply note it and wait to hear if there are more? Presumably they are busy and have to prioritise.

Hard as it will be I think you have to go to the SS as well and explain that he is your son, then I think they will take it seriously because parents wouldn't normally report they own child. Yes, this may result in you losing contact but this is so serious you have to put your GD first you cannot let this continue.

I agree with all those who say you should speak to DiL, if she is not aware of this she needs to be. Perhaps she has reported it but not been taken seriously because they have separated? Who knows? Surely she will see that there is no need to tell him and I think will be grateful for your support.

In all this the child must come before everything else.

Sad Nanna. I would suggest that you keep notes of the things he says and if she appears with a bruise photograph it. Also quietly check if you can arms and legs if there are hidden patches. Start to build up evidence.
And go to AE if necessary.

Well done SadNanna. It doesn’t matter if you never speak to any family again, if it means you kept your granddaughter safe. Children should always be central to everything we do. I’m sure you’d rather not see her as well, if it means she is alive and well. At some point she’ll seek you out. She’ll always know that you’re the granny who saved her.?

Fuck that! He is going to kill her or potentially something equally as horrifying.

Go to her other grandmother. Show her what you’ve Posted her.
Call her school. Call anyone who has any duty of care for this child.