late to bed unreasonable?

Married 36 years, after various illnesses (me) where I need him on the sofa we decided to create a room just for him. He snores like mad and moves around a lot and I'm a very light sleeper. This has made a lot of difference to my sleep and none to his as he can sleep anywhere.

If you have a spare room one of you absolutely must make it your own!! I love having my own room, I go in there at bedtime and I am totally "off duty" until breakfast time the next day and can do what I like. I like to read and have the radio on. Husband likes total dark and total silence.

I don't think anyone should feel guilty about going into a separate bed or even into another bedroom in order to get a good night's sleep!

I know, and can see from the comments from everyone else, that I'm not alone in sleeping in our 2nd bedroom. I suffered, for years, with my husband's horrendous snoring and fidgetting but that was in the days when both my girls lived at home and my only recourse was the sofa! Since downsizing in 2017 I have my younger daughter's large Ikea bed to get into when I need to get a good night. Sadly my sleep deprivation has built up over many years and I rarely wake up feeling refreshed even when my Fitbit tells me I had a good night.

We were both referred to a course at a hospital to train us in sleep hygiene and sleep strategies. Whilst it makes sense not to use a computer, mobile phone, etc., before bed, we tried this strategy but didn't find any appreciable difference in our quality of sleep.

I’m considering it too. DH goes to bed an hour or so before me, and boy does he snore . I use cotton wool in ears but not good enough. Have tried earplugs but find they rustle when the bedclothes touch them. He wouldn’t like it if I went in spare room. It’s a bit cramped in there too ?

My ex needed an op in his nose and his snoring was horrendous so we ended up in separate beds. He wouldn't have the op so that was the only way to sort it. He also went to bed at 9pm, I went about 10.30 and he moaned I always woke him up. I love having the whole bed to myself.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My parents ended up in separate bedrooms due to snoring. You are in a partnership, with both being equal. If he won't change, then separate rooms it is.

Good advise already given. What about having a trail run first, I.e you both go to bed at same time for 2 weeks then you leave him downstairs dozing and you sleep in spare room for 2 weeks, then chat about it at the end of the trail and see what compromises can be made.

I have just gone into our spare room not for exactly the same reasons as you . My husband wasn’t pleased at first but it’s worked out just fine. We’ve been married 30 years. If either of us fancies a kiss and a cuddle we get in together either bed and then go our separate ways it’s great honestly and has reduced the angst that was building up between us altogether. Go for it

LOVE separate rooms - DH hates it. I had my way during lockdown as I was working in a hospital and he was ‘very vulnerable’. However I swear by wax ear plugs (sponge ones spring out of my ears!) and blackout eye shield - I got a very good and inexpensive one from Mountain Warehouse. Good luck

Better to have new arrangements by mutual consent (now) while you can explain gently your reasons for needing to sleep alone. It's perfectly normal, tell him and certainly does not mean the you love him any the less. Do it now and get your sleep - you can still be the very best of friends. Far better than reaching the end of your tether and going off in a huff !!

lol hubby often toodles off to the spare room because I snore and he is a very light sleeper, works for us.

We share a bed but if one of us is ill with cough etc then one of us will go in the spare bed. Also at times I am a restless sleeper so we start of together but Mr Barmey will often go into the spare room during the night. Mind you we have a cat now and it sleeps under the spare bed and snores, so not much peace in the spare room.

My husband refuses to come to bed before 1-1.30ish...... he’s done it for years. When I was working and setting my alarm for 4.30 am it was ruining my health , He wound t reform and co side red me unreasonable able . He gets up about 10.... so ‘he’s alright Jack’....and didnt seem to care what sleep stress this was causing. He’s a nighthawk and I’m a dove , I love early mornings ! Now I’m retired I still rise early ...and make a point of maki g as much h mouse in the house as possible me.... revenge for me is really ‘best served up cold’. Ten years ago because of this situation I moved all his stuff into another bedroom...I told him his behaviour was causing me stress. He did t like it it....so he had to ‘lump’ it. Harmony now reigns!

My DH spends most of every evening in his study as he likes American TV & I really do not. He does like Corrie though.
He stays up until about 4am (although I know he sleeps in his chair as I hear him snoring from upstairs). To be fair I rarely wake up when he comes to bed but I do miss the company in the evening. I suppose it is his that we are both enjoying what we like on TV but it is a bit lonely.

I am getting very disturbed nights, DH is up every hour to the toilet. Sometimes I get up and go to one of the spare rooms with my book. I return to the master suite for our morning cup of tea. I thought I would sleep better on my own but I still tend to wake up when he is out of bed.

Ladyleftfieldlover if your husband is going to the loo several times in the night he really should visit doctor for a check up. It might be an early sympton of prostate problems.

You would be surprised at the number of people who have separate bedrooms especially when they get older people!

I sleep alone as hubby is bedridden downstairs in his own adapted room and I like it. Sister in law quite often sleeps in the spare room when her back's playing up and she's tossing and turning, they both get some quality sleep then.

My husband goes to bed the same time as you, spabbygirl,

I wander upstairs between 3 or 4.

Twas always thus

I put it down to my reckless youth and many years of working nights/evenings

Me and the dog trot into the room, my phone lighting the way. I settle in bed and proceed to play games on my phone.

Does he stir?

Never

Baffles me because if the boot,(or slipper) was on the other foot I'd not be happy

I would stop or use one of the spare rooms if it disturbed him, but he sleeps like the dead . Lucky him!

We have separate rooms as he comes to bed late and we both snore.

Very interesting thread and I see I’m not alone sleeping separately. My late husband, after a few years of just shouting in his sleep (and a history of sleepwalking) developed nighttime epilepsy and I can’t describe the horror of that first roar. We had had a little disagreement that night and I still hold myself responsible. It affected my nerves so much I eventuality HAD to sleep separately.
On a lighter note, only peasants slept in the same bed as they had no choice, the upper classes only for copulating?

Separate bedrooms for us too. We both have a good nights sleep without interruption from the other.

When it’s hotels - single beds & staying with friends - sleeping pills & earplugs!

We both love each other dearly though.

When we first met my OH and I used to share the same bed. Now we sleep separately. He snores very loudly and I am a light sleeper. He also gets up most mornings at 5am for work and always disturbed me by putting the light on. In our first love struck days I would get up too and make his packed lunch. That didn't last long as I was starting to get tired at work. Now he goes to bed about 10 and I usually go anytime between 9.30 and 11.30. Although I do not sleep too well at the moment I do not have to worry about disturbing him or he me and although I know he would love to share a bed again and says if he wakes me I can turn over and go to sleep but once awake I am awake and I do need my sleep.

Mr P & I have similar sleep patterns so not a problem for us. However if either of us regularly disturbed the other I think separate rooms is a sensible solution.