Doing my head in...

Our DS wants us to go to his for Christmas, we on the other hand feel it would be sensible to stay at home, we want to have Christmas in the future (hopefully) together so happy to miss one together. There’s always face time I will still miss them but that’s life.

You mention a restaurant booking. I don’t know what country you are in but in U.K. it’s by no means certain that restaurants will be open at Christmas.

Everything is so uncertain that it is impossible at this stage to plan. Why so much emphasis on one day with a roast dinner ? I know it is traditional but some seem to be getting this all out of perspective and surely dealing with the virus must come above family get togethers.

Boris has been making Christmas celebration almost a certainty whilst Sage members have been realistic. Unfortunately Boris just want to be popular and says what he thinks people want to hear.

We need to hang on, keep us and our loved ones safe and do as we are told by the experts. After all it seems as if we will have a vaccine before too long, that in itself should make us want to hang on until we can be protected.

I agree with AGAA4. Let the in-laws see the aged relative, but you don't have to! (Presumably you can't all be in a "bubble" together?) Just say: "no thanks". Many of us are managing Christmas differently this year. It's hard but necessary.

Yes, nanapat, it could be the 93yr old's last Christmas. Just don't go, emphasise how important the oldster's Christmas is. The fewer people there the better for her.

I have to go and support my 92 year old mother, I would rather not as things are, but I get bullied by my sisters into not caring if I don’t share the care with them. But I certainly wouldn’t expect any of my grown up children to also go, I don’t even get to see them myself, so why should they take any unnecessary risks.
Im sure it must be causing friction with a lot of families who have elderly members who live alone.

Silverlady you are in the right. As others have said they can see their mother as they are undoubtedly bubbled but I'm sure it's best for you not to be involved. My sister had to turn down a family get together for Christmas and has offered an Easter alternative if that is possible.
We need to accept life is NOT normal now and may take most of next year to sort out if enough people can be vaccinated.
Our view is to accept this year is a write off and try and stay sane in the meantime.
There will be more Christmases.

Are they seeing their elderly MIL regularly? That is allowed if they are caring for her.
You'd be doing the wrong thing if you went and you know that; they need to realise that too.

What exactly is a support bubble?
Forming this support bubble means you effectively become one household – you can act as if you all lived together. This means you can do things such as go round to their house, stay the night and travel together in private vehicles. You don't need to socially distance from others in your support bubble.

But once you've formed your support bubble, you can't change who's in it.

There will be more Christmases.
Not necessarily if someone is 92 - and in fact for any of us.
But there are more likely to be if we stick to the rules.

This isn't the 92 years old idea. She's probably the safest person to be with amongst your entire family!
If you're not comfortable with going to the lunch, then politely decline. No drama.
I understand why a family lunch has been organised and it's a nice idea. I wouldn't chose to go either but that isn't the point. We've all got different ways of dealing with the virus and I try to respect other people's views.

My DD has dropped massive hints about Christmas, so much so that I'm dreading it.

And this is why there’ll be a third wave after Christmas. I think you are right to be cautious and do what’s best for you x

Boris is relaxing the rules for Xmas and families can all meet.

No, don’t go. Does the restaurant owner not know that he/she could be heavily fined for not following rules?

It’s people like these who have increased the spread of the virus. We’ll never beat it while people do their own thing.

Just let them know that "we don't want to add to any risks for xxxx and as we aren't in the same support bubble feel it best that we miss the lunch with you all this year. Have a lovely time and know we will be thinking of you".

Perfect, wildswan

Don't make a drama out of it, OP.

Onthenaughtystep1

Being in a bubble doesn’t make you safe from coronavirus. How did this impression become mainstream?

I've been puzzling over that myself. Just being in a bubble doesn't mean you are never exposed to the virus if others in your bubble are still out working etc. It simply means that the viral load is reduced the fewer people you are in contact with.

I'd be more concerned about visiting a restaurant than seeing a 92 year old who has been shielding for months. I'd give anything for one last Christmas with my parents or my parents in law but it's too late. My advice, do a zoom call on Christmas day, stay home and cook your own bird. Keep away from restaurants if indeed they are open.

What does the lady in question think? My mother is 85 and has made it clear that she doesn't want any of us within 2 metres of her even if it's outside and we're wearing masks. She won't have any visitors in the house. She says she will be available on the phone. She hasn't totally isolated herself. She still goes for walks, important medical appointments etc. but she doesn't see the point in taking risks for what is, in effect, just another day.

Boris may say we can take time off but will the virus understand that it's supposed to take time off too. I doubt it understands the concept of a Christmas truce.

It’s very difficult to keep everyone happy and stay true to your conscience isn’t it. I’m sure you will have thought through all the possible scenarios and also considered how you would feel if your mother caught the virus and you felt responsible. Obviously not sure where you live, but meeting up for lunch in a restaurant may not be allowed anyway. We’re trying to keep our options open and planning for either Christmas on our own or with my step daughter and her family. Watch this space!

Just tell them to play by the rules. It won't be much longer before the 92 year old can have a vaccine. At 92 she will be a priority. Surely they don't want to risk her to the virus with the vaccine just around the corner.

When they say you don't care. Just say, we do care, this is why we won't be attending.

There is always someone in a family who tries to, or thinks they have the upper hand, what they say goes. Well they don't and it doesn't. Simply say that for the safety of everyone you don't think this is a good idea and will be happy to join in festivities when all is safe and clear. Have a Zoom call, let them send photos, phone and chat while they wait for their lunch. Send cracker for the 92 year old. There are lots of ways to show you care. The rest of the world will (mostly) be doing the same. You are not alone, we are all having to forgo some fun, just for now, for the sake of keeping everyone safe and getting through this as soon as possible. Good for you for even thinking this is a bad idea, be brave and stand up for yourself, politely and kindly

We don’t know they are breaking rules at this stage of the game because there has been no advice on how Christmas numbers will be Tell the in laws you ll have to let them know when these rules or guidelines are given to us and a lot depends on where you are living if you are in tier 1 it will be very different to tier 3
It’s premature to make arrangements now in view of the situation

razzmatazz

Boris is relaxing the rules for Xmas and families can all meet.

Oh for goodness sake!
The virus doesn’t take Christmas off.
Mixing households will definitely mean a bigger and faster spread of Covid.
Covid kills.
Covid results on serious recurring health problems.
People with no symptoms can kill someone.
Mixing households at Christmas will result in yet another surge of cases.
Does my head in. So many bonkers people who clearly have no experience of this dreadful, awful illness and somehow think they and theirs will be protected.
Sorry about the rant, but still sensitive about it all.
If there weren’t so many selfish people, I may still have my beloved MIL.

Can you tell your in laws that you feel you would be a covid risk to both them and aged mother and would prefer not to risk infecting them. How does your husband feel about this, they are his family.

We may not be able to do anything at Christmas anyway. We don’t know yet. Go with your instincts. If restrictions are lifted enough for it to be allowed....still only go if you want to. You’re not obliged to do anything in normal times. Certainly not at the moment.